Page 41 of Together Again at the Cornish Country Hospital

‘Why do you keep saying things like that?’ Isla’s tone was sharp. ‘If you ask me, he’s the lucky one.’

‘You have to say that because you’re my friend and I love you for it.’ Amy blew her a kiss. It was the same thing Lijah had said, but she still didn’t believe it. ‘He could date one of the world’s most successful models if he wanted to. I know because he has in the past.’

‘He’s dated you in the past too, it’s not like his feelings have come out of nowhere.’

‘That’s different, he wasn’t famous then.’

‘Is that why things finished first time around, because Lijah met other people and thought he could do better?’ Isla was giving her an appraising stare, and Amy suspected her friend already knew the answer to her question.

‘I ended it.’

‘Why?’ Isla was still looking at her.

‘Because I thought that’s what would happen, and other people told me that’s what would happen. So I wanted to end things before it did.’

‘Do you think that saved you any pain, or just made you wonder whether you’d ended something that could have worked?’ Isla didn’t even seem to need to blink, and Amy gave an exaggerated shrug, wishing her friend hadn’t read the situation quite so accurately.

‘Probably the second thing, but I didn’t know what was going to happen with Lijah’s career then. Now I do, and he’s got the whole world at his feet. How am I supposed to believe a life here, with me, could ever really be enough?’

‘What about if it had been the other way around?’ Eden gave her a questioning look. ‘If you’d been the one who became famous, don’t you think you’d still want to choose Lijah?’

‘Would I have had a choice between him and Ryan Gosling?’ Amy laughed, but Isla wasn’t letting her off the hook.

‘All the things you’ve been through in the past ten years, and all the people you’ve met, haven’t altered your ability to fall in love with Lijah again have they? So why should it be any different for him?’

‘I never said anything about being in love with him.’

‘You didn’t have to.’ Isla shook her head. ‘Stop overthinking it. Nobody knows for sure whether they’ll last forever, even if they are in love. Sometimes you’ve just got to enjoy life as it comes and accept you can’t control all the outcomes.’

‘Oh, and if Lijah can introduce you to Ryan Gosling, feel free to send him my way, seeing as you’re already in a relationship.’ When Eden laughed, they all joined in, but there was still an uncomfortable feeling niggling in Amy’s gut. She didn’t want other people’s opinions to drive a wedge between her and Lijah again, and she knew Isla was right about learning to enjoy the moment. But that was a lot harder to do when it felt as if half the world’s press was desperate for her life to fall apart, and that every internet troll would be waiting to celebrate when it did.

23

Gwen’s hands were shaking. It wasn’t a new symptom, at least she didn’t think it was, but it had felt lately as if there was something new every day. There were good days and bad days too, and that wasn’t something Gwen’s mother had experienced with the aphasia she’d been diagnosed with. Gwen had been determined not to look online, but she hadn’t been able to resist, and Doctor Google had subsequently informed her that she could have anything from vascular dementia to Parkinson’s disease, which having the shakes could be a symptom of. But she knew, deep down, that her hands were shaking due to fear. She needed to know what the doctors had discovered on her scans, but at the same time a big part of her wanted to beg Barry to take her back out to the car and just drive, anywhere she wouldn’t have to face the possibility of news that would change everything, forever.

The thought of being trapped in her body with no way to communicate with the people around her felt like the worst form of torture. Talking and laughing, supporting people and offering advice, was the biggest part of who Gwen was. She was known for being a straight shooter, and for her near-the-knuckle sense of humour that usually worked its magic to lift the spirits of her colleagues and patients when they needed it most. Not being able to do that would be hell, and she’d miss the interaction more than she could explain. But even worse than that, was the thought of not being able to talk to her family, and most of all to her husband.

Barry had been her other half, her partner in crime, and her best friend for over fifty years. They’d had a physical relationship for all of that time too, and she knew it sometimes made her younger friends slightly uncomfortable when she was open about the fact. She didn’t care if anyone else thought that older people should lock that side of themselves away, the connection she had with Barry went beyond worrying about wrinkles or any of that other stuff. They’d known real love, and her seven decades had taught her that wasn’t nearly as common as it should be, and that it was something to be celebrated.

The reason Gwen handed out advice so freely, and was so open about her own relationship, was because she wanted her friends to know that real love did exist, and that when you got the opportunity to experience it you shouldn’t let it pass you by. Love didn’t look the same for everyone, and she didn’t pretend that she and Barry hadn’t had moments of frustration, or the ups and downs that everyone experienced. But Gwen firmly believed no one should settle for second best, and she’d be the first to say that no one should rely on someone else for their happiness either. That was the thing about love, though: when you found the real thing, it added so much more to life, and it was an incredible bonus she wished everyone could experience. The downside of finding that kind of love, was that the most precious of gifts were always the hardest to part with, and the thought of losing that connection to Barry, of laughing with him and talking to him, was truly unbearable. Gwen looked at him now, sadness etched on his face, and she was desperate to lift his spirits, the only way she knew how.

‘I want you to promise me something.’ Her tone was insistent, and he turned towards her, already nodding his head.

‘Anything.’

‘I want you to promise me that even if I stop being able to communicate altogether, and tell you what I want, that you’ll never, ever put me in a pair of those Velcro sandals that Elena used to put Mum in, with fluffy red bed socks. Just know that if you do, I might not be able to protest, but I’ll be screaming inside.’

‘I promise.’ For a moment, a smile played around his mouth and then the sadness descended again. He was every bit as scared as she was of what the results might bring, and somehow that made it even more terrifying.

Over the years, especially at big milestone moments, like when they’d lost their parents, Gwen had occasionally thought about the fact that one day one of them would be left alone. Every time it happened, she’d quickly shut the thought down, because there was nothing she could do to control it and she hadn’t wanted to waste one moment of their life together thinking about what came afterwards. It would be like spending the whole of Christmas thinking about bleak January days, when the mountain of Christmas cards was replaced by ugly brown envelopes demanding payment for bills. No. She’d been determined to enjoy the good times, and leave the worrying until she had no choice but to face it. Only now that day had come, and they were sitting outside a consultant’s office waiting to hear how this amazing love story was going to end. There was only one way she could get through it, the same way she’d got through all the tough times over the past fifty years, and just as her name was finally called, she grasped Barry’s hand, wishing she never had to let it go.

‘Whatever they say we’ll be okay.’ His tone was suddenly certain, and he squeezed her hand even more tightly as they walked into the consultant’s office together.

Gwen had resisted the urge to look up Dr Grainger’s speciality when she’d been given the appointment over the phone. It hadn’t been a name she was familiar with, but she did recognise the doctor’s face once they were sitting opposite one another. Dr Grainger came into the hospital shop once a week or so, and she always bought a Crunchie bar and a mocha, but that was all Gwen knew about her. They were in the outpatients’ clinic, which ran appointments for everything from urology to audiology, so that hadn’t given her any clues about Dr Grainger’s area of expertise. Her title gave away the fact that she wasn’t a surgeon, but second guessing wouldn’t change anything, and Gwen was finally ready to hear what she had to say. Thankfully, once Dr Grainger had made the introductions, she cut straight to the chase. Looking at her computer screen briefly, she turned back towards Gwen and Barry, who were still clutching one another’s hands.

‘We’ve had the results of your scans and some of the blood tests that haven’t already been shared with you. One of the tests takes five days to process and we wanted to review the results of that, alongside the scan imaging. I know it’s probably seemed like a very long wait to get the news, but we’ve been able to make a definite diagnosis.’

Dr Grainger’s pause made Gwen’s stomach drop and she didn’t know whether the younger woman was waiting for her permission to deliver the killer blow. She’d have been convinced beforehand that there’d be no way of ramping up the tension even further, but she’d have been wrong. She needed an end to this one way or another, because ignorance had stopped being bliss a long time ago, but it took all her strength to utter one word in response.

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