Page 38 of A Cornish Winter's Kiss

I’m sorry. I’ve been acting like an idiot. It’s not an excuse but so many things have happened in the last few days and I just needed some time to process it all, but I shouldn’t have shut you out. Without you, I’d still be wondering about so much of my past, not even realising how much it was affecting me. I hope you can forgive me for being a giant pain in the arse. Rufus is on his last legs with misery about not seeing Gary Barlow. Please will you both come out with us tomorrow, otherwise I don’t think he’ll ever acknowledge my existence again xx

Emily looked at the phone, unable to stop the corners of her mouth from curving upwards in response. Maybe she should have been cool and offhand, but she wasn’t into playing games and the two kisses on the message from Jude was definitely a first. She decided to keep her reply light-hearted all the same. She didn’t want to go in with heavy sentiment and send him running for the hills again.

Gary Barlow and I would love to come for a walk. He is currently wallowing in a similar amount of misery to Rufus, which simply cannot continue. As such, I am willing to overlook your tendency to act like a massive pain in the arse… What time and where should we meet? xx

‘I take it Jude has finally got in touch?’ Her mother really didn’t miss a trick.

‘How did you know?’

‘The look on your face, my darling girl. It gives you away every time.’ Her mother laughed as another text pinged through from Jude.

Can I pick you up from your parents’ house at eleven? I thought we could have some lunch and go for a walk on the headland at Port Tremellien. I need to pick something up from my father’s place on the way back, and I thought the dogs might appreciate somewhere new to sniff out all the disgusting things they seem to love xx

Emily typed a short response.

Sounds perfect. See you then xx

Sitting back in the armchair, she tried to convince herself that Jude’s message hadn’t changed her mood as drastically as it had. She wasn’t sure she liked the idea of anyone having that much control over how she felt. But as Sophia had written in her last book, sometimes emotions had minds of their own.

Jude had felt like he was back at school and about to take an exam when he was on the drive over to Lowenna Close. It had been a relief to get a jokey text back from Emily, but seeing her face to face again suddenly felt awkward. He’d made their kiss the focus of his tangled emotions on the day he’d discovered that Trisha had died instead of allowing himself to acknowledge how the news had made him feel. It had been the same when Gwen had casually announced that she’d known Trisha. Insteadof admitting how apprehensive he felt about what that might uncover, he’d directed the blame at Emily.

‘You always push people away when they get too close. It’s like you’re frightened of coming to rely on them.’ That was what Marty had told him after he’d called to see how the event at Cecil’s Adventures had gone. He’d found himself telling Marty a lot more than he’d planned, and admitting that he hadn’t responded to any of Emily’s messages.

‘To be fair, it hasn’t always gone that well for me when I’ve let myself rely on someone.’ Jude’s reply to his editor had been met with a snort of derision.

‘I’ve had your back for almost ten years, Jude, and I still do, but it’s about time you opened yourself up to the possibility of finding someone to share your life with. I sleep with a mouthguard to stop me grinding my teeth, although I have to say working with you is probably one of the main reasons I developed the habit. Either way, unless waking up next to someone who drools on their pillow is your idea of sexy, I don’t think I can be your life partner.’

‘I’ve already got Rufus for that.’

‘Exactly.’ They’d both laughed, but then Marty had cleared his throat. ‘Seriously, Jude, the edits to the next book are one thing, but the rest of your life is quite another. Stop closing yourself off from everything you could be experiencing. Life is about more than work.’

‘I hope that’s some advice you’re taking for yourself.’ Jude had wished in that moment that he and Marty were face to face so that he could have given his old friend a hug and thanked him for his support.

‘I have my moments.’ Marty had hesitated for a moment. ‘And I might get a whole lot more of them if you’d finally finish that bloody book and cut my stress levels in half, so I don’t have to grind my teeth quite as much!’

They’d ended the call still laughing, but Marty’s words about Jude pushing people away before he could come to rely on them had lodged in his head. It was a pattern he could see, but changing that would be a huge risk and he still wasn’t sure he could take it. At least he understood now how someone like DCI McGuigan might find the motivation to change and finally learn to trust someone. Suddenly finishing the book didn’t seem quite so impossible as a result. He could see a way forward for his novel, but he still didn’t know what direction his friendship with Emily would take. The only thing he knew for certain was that he didn’t want it to end, and that made it feel like there was a lot at stake as he drove over to pick her up.

Emily emerged from the front door when he pulled to a halt on the drive, Gary Barlow shooting out past her and turning in circles, barking as loudly as he could and chasing his own tail.

‘As you can see, someone is a little bit excited.’ Emily grinned as she opened the car door, bending down to look inside. ‘I’ve got no idea how he knew it was you and Rufus, but he obviously does.’

The dog bounded past her as she spoke, jumping over the passenger seat and leaping into the back of the car where Rufus had been stretched out on a blanket, the pair of them breaking into high-pitched howling at the sight of one another.

‘Blimey, they sound even worse than me and my sister when we do karaoke after lunch on Christmas Day.’ Emily pulled a face.

‘That’s something I’d like to see.’ Jude realised he meant it. Christmas had been something he’d avoided as much as possible for years, and until very recently the thought of a family Christmas would have felt as alien to him as life on Mars. Yet suddenly he could imagine it, wrapped in the heart of Emily’s family, who seemed to have a myriad of festive traditions, all of them fairly simple, but with the sole aim of spending timetogether. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to start wishing for his life to be like the plot of a Sophia Wainwright novel. He might have had a series of revelations about his life recently, but starting to confuse reality with romance novels would definitely be taking things a step too far.

‘Do you think you can put up with Rufus and Gary Barlow giving you and your sister a run for your money on the drive to Port Tremellien?’ Jude looked at Emily, marvelling at how the dimples in her cheeks appeared from nowhere when she smiled, and the way that seeing them always made him want to smile too.

‘We might have to turn up the radio to drown them out. Although I should warn you, if they’re playing Christmas songs, I’m going to be joining in, and you might end up wishing you’d stuck to listening to the doggy duo.’

‘I’ll risk it.’ As Jude switched on the radio, he told himself the only risk he was talking about was Emily starting a singalong; even if he could still hear Marty’s voice in his head, urging him to risk a whole lot more.

Spending a few hours in Port Tremellien had been just what Emily needed. It was one of those calm, clear winter days, with a bright blue sky, that would have belied the time of year if it hadn’t also been bitterly cold. Both she and Jude were wearing heavy winter coats, and she also had a scarf, hat and gloves on as they followed the dogs along the headland. Jude told her about his meetup with Gwen and the information she’d given him. He tried to apologise again too, but Emily had stopped him and offered up her own apology. He’d told her it was all forgotten. He still didn’t know how Trisha had felt about having him adopted,but knowing she’d wanted the best for him had clearly been of comfort.

‘I think that might be enough.’ He’d shrugged when he said it, but she wasn’t entirely convinced by his attempt to sound casual. ‘I’ve found out more in the last few days than I thought I might ever know. I need to let that sit for a while before I decide if I want Gwen’s friend or the intermediary agency to get in touch with Trisha’s cousin, or any other relatives I might have on that side.’

‘Are you glad you know what you know?’ Emily hadn’t been able to stop herself from asking the question, despite suspecting she already knew the answer. She’d needed to know for sure if she was going to stop feeling guilty about pushing Jude in that direction.

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