Page 46 of A Cornish Winter's Kiss

‘You’d soon get sick of me.’ Despite everything that had happened lately, there was still a part of Jude that suspected it was true. He couldn’t help wondering if Emily might eventually feel that way too. Having spent so long convinced he was unlovable, it was impossible to undo that mindset overnight. The words that Sandra had said to him about no one wanting him were deeply ingrained and the impact they’d had on him couldn’t just be washed away. He’d never wanted a long-term relationship before, so it had never mattered to him this much whether someone would want him around for the long haul. But right now this wasn’t about him, it was about making sure Patsy was okay and he didn’t plan on going anywhere until he was certain she was. ‘Are you happy staying here or would you like us to help you through to the lounge?’

‘Oh yes please, Jude.’ Patsy patted his hand this time. ‘Otherwise I’ll be in the way out here when Emily starts doing the preparation for tomorrow’s dinner, and Richard was going to putIt’s a Wonderful Lifeon for us, before we all watchThe Muppet Christmas Caroltogether later on.’

‘We’ll get you both sorted so you can put your feet up,’ Emily said, worry still etched on her face despite the fact her mum was now safely off the floor, with just a couple of bruises to show for her fall. Jude wasn’t sure what he could do to help reassure her, but he wanted to be there for whatever she needed.

It took less than ten minutes to get Patsy and Richard settled in the lounge. Emily had helped her father into a winged-back chair where he could sit more upright, with a rolled-up towelbehind the small of his back to help alleviate his sciatica. Jude had supported Patsy as she’d walked to the sofa, before putting their film on and making sure there was a bowl of Christmas chocolates within easy reach for both of them.

‘I’m going to make us all a cup of tea. I think we’ve earnt it after all the drama.’ Emily looked worn out and Jude could tell how much she worried about her parents.

‘I’ll give you a hand.’ He followed her through to the kitchen and Emily breathed out slowly.

‘I’m scared all this is going to kill Dad. He won’t admit he needs help and I know neither of them will want a stranger coming in, but he’s exhausted and he needs to have some time to himself, when he doesn’t have to worry about what might happen to Mum if he meets up with one of his friends for a drink. He hasn’t done that for ages, and if the Parkinson’s keeps progressing, it’s only going to get worse.’

‘Have you spoken to Charlotte about it?’ Jude wished he could say something to help, but he couldn’t pretend there was an easy solution to any of this.

‘No, but I’m going to have to. She can’t relocate to help out, not with her accountancy clients being in Exeter and Jake’s job meaning he’s away so much. Not to mention the fact that she’s got three young kids.’ Emily bit her lip. ‘I’m going to have to move back home.’

‘You’d come back here permanently?’ Jude understood why she was thinking that way, and he hoped he was a good enough person to have made the same decision in similar circumstances. But he didn’t want Emily to stay in Cornwall; he wanted her to be in London with him.

‘I don’t think I’ve got any choice.’ She massaged her temples as she spoke. ‘I’m only renting my place in London and technically I can work from anywhere, as long as I have access to a studio.’

‘I suppose that’s the benefit of jobs like ours. It makes relocating really easy.’ Jude waited for her to look at him and ask if he’d be willing to stay too. For a moment he wasn’t even sure what his answer would be, but the longer the silence went on, the more he knew hewouldhave been willing to stay in Port Agnes, if she asked him to. Except she didn’t. She was still massaging her temples, a pained expression on her face. So it was Jude who broke the silence in the end.

‘Are you sure you don’t want to think about it for a bit longer and see what happens after your mum’s operation?’

‘Dad’s already been doing this for so long. I need to be here to support him, because I’ll never forgive myself if anything happens to him. I’ll have to give notice on my flat and think about finding a more permanent solution to studio space. I might have to drop some authors, depending on how often Mum needs me. My head feels like it’s all over the place.’ Emily’s words were coming out quickly, and she didn’t leave any space for Jude to answer. It was probably just as well, because he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to respond appropriately. He wanted to tell her that this didn’t need to come between them unless they let it, but the last thing she needed was Jude making demands on her time on top of everything else. Emily had been straight with him from the start about how big a part love played in her life, and right now her love for her parents was centre stage, just as it should be.

She hadn’t even responded when he’d hinted that staying in Cornwall could be an option for him too, and he couldn’t really blame her. It was a crazy idea. He’d have laughed if anyone had told him two months ago that he’d be in this position, and yet here he was, in love with Emily. But Jude knew better than anyone that just because you loved someone, it didn’t necessarily mean they wanted you around. He’d allowed himselfto forget that for a moment, and he only had himself to blame for the pain he knew was just around the corner.

Emily was certain that staying with her parents was the right thing to do, but that didn’t make the decision any easier. When she’d thought about what next year might look like, she’d pictured spending huge swathes of it with Jude. Spring in the city, with lunch dates in bookshop cafés, and evenings spent walking along the river, hand in hand, as the days grew longer and brighter. Okay, so maybe she was romanticising it, the way she always did. In reality, there’d be plenty of rainy days when the whole world felt grey, and they’d probably have some dates that didn’t go well, maybe even some heated arguments. But she wanted all of that with Jude; the good, the bad, and the ugly bits of a relationship. She might be a romantic, but she wasn’t naïve enough to believe that any relationship was all sunshine and lollipops. They could all be hard work at times, but she wanted what her parents had. She wanted someone who was willing to stay by her side if she couldn’t get up off the floor, and who was happy to sit next to her and watch an old movie they’d both seen twenty times before, just because they were together.

Emily wanted to build a family and create traditions, making the kind of memories that could carry them through the bad days. She might not have known Jude for long, but she’d seen him, therealhim, these past few weeks and they had potential to go the distance. No one could know for certain that they’d last forever. Not even when they were standing up in front of all their friends promising to be together until death tore them apart, otherwise there’d be no such thing as divorce. All she’d wanted was the chance to see where things went with Jude andto discover whether her hunch about them was right. His whole life was in London and it was crazy to think he might be willing to uproot that for her. They could try to make a go of things on a long-distance basis, seeing each other when they could. But she had no idea how long her parents would need her for, or how much of her time would be taken up by supporting them.

Despite all of that, part of her wasn’t prepared to give up on Jude. Romcoms might suggest that chance meetings happened all the time, and that finding love really was that easy, but real life wasn’t like that. Meeting someone you connected with the way she had with Jude didn’t happen every day. Emily knew that, because it had never happened to her before. She wasn’t just going to let him go without talking it through and telling him that the decision to stay in Cornwall was the hardest one she’d ever had to make, because of him. It was a big statement to make after such a short time of knowing him, and Jude might think she was crazy to get so far ahead of herself, but she had to take a chance and she needed to do it soon.

Jude had been quiet in the hour or so since she’d told him she was planning to stay in Port Agnes. Although he’d barely had a chance to get a word in edgeways when they were in the kitchen, she’d been so busy thinking out loud and trying to convince herself that everything would be okay if she moved back to Cornwall. She hadn’t really wanted any suggestions from him about what she should do, and he didn’t seem to want to give her any either.

They’d sat with her parents in the lounge and he’d barely said a word, despite her parents talking all the way through the film they’d claimed they wanted to watch. He’d already said he needed to head off after he’d taken Rufus and Gary Barlow for another walk, because the first one had been cut short, and about halfway through the film he suddenly stood up.

‘I’m going to take the dogs out now, before it starts getting dark.’

‘I can come with you if you like?’ Emily looked up at him, but Jude shook his head, and it was as if she could feel him withdrawing.

‘You stay here with your mum and dad, make sure Patsy doesn’t get herself into any more mischief.’ Jude’s tone was light, and Emily’s mother reached up and took hold of his hand as he moved past her chair.

‘Life is no fun unless there’s a bit of mischief, Jude, remember that!’

‘I will, Patsy, don’t worry about that.’ The dogs followed Jude out in a flurry of excited barking and tail wagging, leaving the house feeling strangely quiet once they were gone, and a sense of loneliness swept over Emily, despite the fact that she wasn’t alone.

She was out in the kitchen making more tea when Jude and the dogs came back into the garden. She’d been about to tap on the window and suggest that they sat out in the garden together for a bit so she could tell him she didn’t want things to just come to a full stop between them, but then she realised he was talking on the phone. As he got closer to the house and leant up against the wall next to the kitchen window, Emily could hear what he was saying.

‘I know what I need to do to make the final changes now, Marty. I’ve got it all clear in my head.’ There was a brief pause as he listened to Marty’s reply.

‘Yes, don’t worry, I’ll get the edits in on time. I’m going to drive back tomorrow evening, after Christmas dinner at myfather’s place. The roads should be pretty quiet.’ There was another pause before he continued.

‘Yes, Emily was great, but I’ve got what I need and I don’t think me staying down here any longer will be helpful.’

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to think of some way the conversation she’d overheard could mean something different to how it sounded. But there wasn’t one. Jude had got what he needed from her and now he was going back to London, without even keeping the promise he’d made to Bronte about coming back to see them all again on Boxing Day. She wondered if he was even intending to tell her, or whether he planned to just not show up. But then he pushed open the door from the garden and she realised she was about to find out.

---