Page 88 of Small Sacrifices

Marisol hums. "I know I was cheering you on at the beginning of this. But you barely just got together, and I know how you are with new things. Is he pressuring you?"

Oh, great. Just what he needed. Somewhere beyond the irritation, Reid realizes Marisol is just looking out for him. But really? After all that she's egged him on and talked about Everett's butt, this is the first thing she says now that she knows there's actually something between them?

"No," he says firmly. "We're just going to spend some more time together. He wouldn't do anything like that."

The way she purses her mouth makes it obvious that she's not as sure of this as he is. But she blinks her consternation away and relaxes her face into a smile.

"You're happy?" she asks.

Reid nods. He's not quite able to name all the feelings he's feeling right now because all of them are quite loud, and it's difficult to distinguish between them in the chaos. But happiness is definitely one of them.

"Good. Then I'm happy for you."

The expression on Marisol's face isn't quite happy, but itisdetermined, so Reid lets it count. She's trying to be nice. He can try as well.

He spends the afternoon sifting through the data he copied from Mackenzie's old laptop while Everett lounges around, scrolling on his phone. It's a tedious task; neither the governor nor Everett practiced proper data management, so files are scattered and poorly labeled. Amidst the clutter, he finds various images of Mackenzie at work—some press photos and others taken with rudimentary camera phones by colleagues.

Nothing he finds is incredibly useful or damning. The highlight of his day is watching Everett blush over a folder of pictures of him goofing around with his friends. Not that the rest is bad. Going through all that data is made much easier by thefact that Everett is always touching him. Maybe it's just the body doubling, but the warm presence of another body against Reid's shoulder focuses him.

Everett is happy with sandwiches for dinner when Reid realizes, way too late, that he needs to eat something. Afterwards, he’s happy to just go to bed instead of watching something on tv.Just for sleeping,he emphasizes again. Reid believes him. Still, he's full of nervous energy when they get to his room.

"Which side do you usually sleep on?" Everett asks, then shakes his head and smiles. "I didn't get to ask last time."

"In the middle," Reid says. Was this an oversight? This bed is smaller than the one in the hotel. Is he going to be able to sleep next to Everett when space is this tight? The last time they did this, he was utterly exhausted. He's tired now, but not extremely so. There's still plenty of capacity left to catastrophically overthink this.

In the end, it's not so bad. Everett snuggles into the side of the bed pressed against the wall. Though he's quite large, there's ample space for Reid to lie next to him and feel the warmth radiating from his body. Reid is wide awake, acutely aware of everything, even the rhythm of his own breath.

Over on his side, Everett shuffles under the sheets. "Thank you for letting me be here." His voice is hushed, not only quiet but also halfway swallowed by blankets and pillows and curtains.

Reid doesn't really know what to say to that, but it turns out that he doesn't have to say anything. Everett just continues. "It probably sounds stupid, but it only just occurred to me how fucked up this is. It's alwaysbeenbad, but... Right now, we're both pretending to be someone we're not. Me and my father, I mean. Only who I am is some guy who happens to be gay, andhe's an abuser who’s responsible for at least one death. Those two things are not the same."

"That doesn't sound stupid," Reid says. Under the covers, he roots around for Everett's hand and threads their fingers together. "I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this."

"I wouldn't. Like, that's the thing. I'm only doing this for Max. If it was just me, I'd be long gone." He squeezes Reid's hand so tightly that the bones in it move against each other alarmingly. "And that's not fair to the kid. Iknowthere's guilt there."

Reid barely suppresses a groan. He'd be happy to discuss it any other time. Half asleep like this, he's worried he could say the wrong thing.

"I'm sure that… when you're both older, you'll be able to talk about it better. But Max understands that you're still there because youwantto be, right?"

It would probably be difficult to avoid using any pronouns for Max at all, even if Reid were completely awake. But under these circumstances, it's truly a miracle that it hasn't happened yet.

"I've said it a million times. But I don't think it's sinking in." There's a sound in the dark like Everett is dragging his other hand across his face. "It just sucks. I don't want Max to feel guilty."

"And I'm sure Max doesn't want to feel like you're sacrificing your happiness to stay. But you'll work it out. Max seems like a smart one."

The one time he'd met Max, he'd been shutting down. But he's pretty sure he remembers the kid trying to empathize, maybe even provide moral support.

"I hope so," Everett whispers. He's squeezing Reid's hand again. This time, Reid squeezes back. Neither of them makes any attempt to get closer. But they hold hands until they're both asleep.

Chapter 31: Scary spontaneity

Reid wakes up because someone is moving. In his bed, which has only ever containedhim.For a moment, he just freezes. But it doesn't last long.

"Damn it," Everett mutters. "I really didn't wanna wake you up. Sorry."

First comes the slack-limbed relief that nothing bad is happening. Oh, so he hasn't just woken up in one of his nightmares? Great! Next comes the awareness of just how warm he is. And then, Reid tries to turn to look at Everett, only to realize that he can't, at least not like this. They're already too close.

The speed at which Everett rectifies this is impressive—but that's what happens when you don't have to worry about waking someone up when you rip out your arm from under their body. Before Reid has even had the time to wipe the sleep from hiseyes, Everett is already way back on 'his' side of the bed. When Reid finally sits up and turns towards him, he looks sheepish.

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