Anoushka couldn’t help but smile back. ‘And Dad and me have never been as happy as we have been with you and Lukes and Lils, and little Lottie too.’ She took a sip of her drink, savouring the rich, creamy flavour, happiness filling her chest. ‘Mmm. And you really do make the best hot chocolate; maybe that’s got something to do with it.’
‘You could be right.’ Kitty giggled.
Anoushka sighed, the urge to share her time with Damon suddenly overwhelming. ‘I think I’m ready to tell you about what happened with Damon, if that’s okay? As long as it’s not going to upset you, Mum, or resurrect horrible memories of Dan. I think I just need to get it out of me, then it’s all over and done with and I can move on.’
‘That’s fine with me, lovey. And don’t worry about me getting upset about Dan; all the ghosts of my marriage to him have been well and truly exorcised; he doesn’t get to me like that anymore. Mind, I can’t guarantee that I won’t want to kick Damon up the backside though, but I’m happy to sit quiet and just listen. Once I’d left Dan, I told Moll and Vi everything; it felt better to get it out, felt liberating. He took up too much space in my head until then, so I get where you’re coming from.’
Kitty’s words resonated with Anoushka; it was exactly the reason she needed to tell her. Yes, she’d told Brogan, and Kristy knew bits, but sharing it with her family was a whole different thing. And, once she’d done it, she knew she’d be free to move on.
She sucked in a fortifying breath and raised her eyes to Kitty’s. ‘Right then, here goes…’
8
‘So you can see why I’m done with love for the foreseeable.’ Anoushka flopped back in her chair, savouring the inexorable feeling of relief.
‘You mustn’t let your experience with Damon taint your view of it, lovey. You’re only young; just think of your time with him as nothing more than a bump in the road, an irritating blip.
An irritating blip.How he’d hate to be referred to as that, thought Anoushka. But, right now, it’s exactly how she needed to think of him. By squashing him into a manageable size, it would help weaken the power he had over her as far as her mind was concerned. There must be no going back. And as for opening herself up to love again…Pfft! Hell would freeze over before that ever happened.
Anoushka met Kitty’s gaze. ‘That may be so, but the way I’m feeling at the moment…’
‘I totally get why you feel that way, chick, but, trust me, something like this will make you stronger; make you appreciate what real love feels like.’ Kitty smiled at her. ‘And you will find it, when the time’s right for you. And you most certainly won’t be in any doubt about it, I can promise you that.’
Anoushka puffed out her cheeks and released a slow breath. ‘When…if, I ever find myself in a relationship again – and it’s a very bigif –I want what you and Dad have. At the risk of sounding mega-cheesy, it’s more than simplylove, it’s… it’s… it’s hard to put into words… but I want what I see when you two look at each other, just the way you are together; it’s like you’re meant to be. Like you love each other so totally… Ughh! Jeez! I’m making a right pig’s backside of describing it, but if, as you say, I’ll know it if I ever get to feel it for myself, onlythenwill I consider it.’ She looked at Kitty intently. ‘After Damon, and how close I came to being swallowed up in a toxic relationship with him, there’s no way I’m settling for anything less.’
‘And I can’t blame you for that, chick.’
‘But in all honesty, it’s never gonna happen.’
‘Just try not to build your walls too high, flower, it’s—'
In the next moment, the front door flew open and a gaggle of kids and dogs tumbled into the house, the smell of the beach clinging to their clothes, laughter and high spirits filling the room. Ethel and Mabel raced over to their bowls in the utility room, checking first for food, then noisily lapping at water before flopping down on their beds, exhausted. Ollie followed up behind an exuberant Lucas, Lily and Lottie, his dark-blond hair windswept, his hands full of bags and plastic spades. His smile fell as his eyes loitered on his eldest daughter before flicking over to Kitty questioningly.
‘Woah! It smells lush in here! You been baking, Mum?’ asked Lucas as he kicked off his wellies, his face glowing from his time on the beach. He’d had a recent growing-spurt and though his shoulders were starting to broaden, he’d gone tall and gangly. And he always had a raging appetite.
‘I have, lovey, there’s some shortbread here. Might be a good idea to wash your hands before you dive in though.’
‘Yep, will do.’
‘Thought you were going to York, Noushka,’ said Ollie, concern in his voice.
‘Change of plan, Dad.’
‘Oh?’ he headed over to Kitty, kissing her full on the lips as he always did when he came home. ‘All right?’
‘Fine thanks,’ Kitty replied. ‘Did you have a good time?’ She beamed up at him.
‘Aye, we did.’ He smiled down at her before turning his gaze back to Anoushka.
‘You okay, Noushka?’ Lucas had finished his perfunctory hand wash and was reaching across the table for a piece of shortbread.
‘I am now, Lukes.’ She smiled at her half-brother.
‘What d’you mean you are now?’ asked Lily, her golden corkscrew curls sitting wildly around her face. Her smile dropped as she studied Anoushka. ‘You look like you’ve been crying.’
‘I’m fine, Lils. Honest.’
‘Noushka! We’ve got somereal-lifepirate treasure! Look!’ Four-year-old Lottie scampered over to her, gripping firmly onto the bucket in her chubby hand. ‘See! And we’ve got some crabs’ legs, loads of sea glass and look at thesefabliousshells! If you listen in the big ones, you can hear the sea!’