Page 58 of Stand By Me

"I'm sure you did." Clay's thumb was running little circles at the top of Mario's spine. "But whatever had been said, you're still best friends. You're like f—"

Maybe if Mario wasn't so close, he wouldn't have caught that stutter in Clay's breath. But he did. He heard it, along with the hurt underneath it Clay was still trying to hide.

However, before Mario could react, Clay continued.

"You're closer than family, for him. That counts for a lot."

Mario sucked in his lower lip. "Maybe."

"You'll see."

"You're his family, too," Mario whispered, needing to reassure Clay as well, but his words fell flat.

"It's different," Clay said after a while. "You've been here for all these years, and I wasn't. No matter the reasons, good or bad, I wasn't here, and I can't change that. I thought we could meet each other on a different level once we were both grown men, but…" He breathed out slowly. "I wish I understood how I became the bad guy of his story, but I can't pinpoint it. At first, I thought he was acting out because of our father and because he was simply a teenager, but people grow out of their teenage anger, most of the time. His anger towards me seemed to have gotten bigger, instead."

Mario hesitated, once again unsure how much he should or shouldn't say. Finally, he decided he wasn't breaking any confidences if he nudged Clay a little.

He propped himself up on his elbow, leaning against Clay, who rolled onto his back.

"I think you're looking at the reasons, but not seeing them right." Mario pressed his hand over Clay's heart. "It was mainly because of your father, back then, but it was easier to take it out on you, who stayed and who made him do stuff. And then he was having less and less of you, until you left. Logically, there's an explanation, of course. You needed to work, and you needed to have your own life, too, but for Ben…"

"The only thing that counts is that I left," Clay murmured, staring at the ceiling, and Mario wished that was the end of it—it was more than enough, after all.

Yet there was still a crucial part Clay was missing.

"That was the biggest one, yes," Mario told him. "But it did matter that you left with Jake."

Clay dropped the arm he'd lifted to rub his nose back onto the mattress with a dull thud.

"Why? I don't get it! They hadn't even met and he hates Jake's guts."

"Yeah," Mario whispered. "Because Jake got what Ben wanted. You."

Clay froze and for a long while it seemed like he wasn't even breathing.

Then, he gently disentangled Mario and sat up against the headboard, still appearing shell-shocked.

"So it's not…" He stared at the opposite wall. "So it's not just that I left, like our father, but I also found himself another little brother? Is that what he thinks?"

Mario bit his lip, sitting up with his legs crossed next to Clay.

It had felt like a good idea, earlier, but now, watching the man he cared about struggling with the truth, made him question everything.

Too late now, though.

"I'm not sure he's aware of it," Mario said quietly. "But that's what's underneath all that anger, yeah. He doesn't really hate you, whether he realizes it or not. Mostly, he's acting out because he feels like he lost his brother and he's been missing him a lot."

Clay moved as if he'd been hit, his shoulders rolling forward.

"Fuck," he muttered, covering his eyes with his hand and pressing his fingers over them. "Fuck."

Mario shifted closer until he was sitting up against the headboard next to Clay, their bodies pressed together.

"It sucks," he offered, putting his hand on Clay's knee and squeezing gently.

Clay snorted wetly, but covered Mario's hand with his.

"Yeah, it does. It explains things, though, so I'm glad you told me. Thank you."

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