Page 31 of Watch Over Me

"I'm sorry they don't appreciate you the way they should," James offered, and,damn him, the way he looked at Eddie was just too much.

How was Eddie supposed to get his shit together around this man if James insisted on being so perfect for him, from his soft smiles to the way he could bring Eddie to his knees and build him back up with only a look?

How was that fair?

It isn't, the voice at the back of his head told him.Life isn't fair, and love is even worse.

Eddie turned to stare at his glass on the table, swallowing hard. Even talking about his family was better than losing his grip on reality and trying something that could jeopardize the friendship he and James had built.

"I'm used to it by now," he made himself say. "Mostly."

Nodding, James turned the glass around in his hands, over and over. Maybe he didn't know what to say, or maybe he was waiting for Eddie to tell him more.

And Eddie found himself wanting to. Now that he'd started, it all seemed ready to come out, almost bursting out of him.

After all, he'd had no one to talk to about this over the years. He'd tried, a few times, but nobody quite got it, either thinking he was an entitled, ungrateful brat, or that his family was evil. And James… James seemed to understand it.

Hell, he seemed to have lived something like it.

"There are days when it hits harder than usual," Eddie admitted. "I may not see them for weeks and it's fine, it's better. But then I show up for one of their dinners, which are never without an agenda, and I'm reminded of how different our lives are. And, worst of all, how I can be a visitor in their world, but they'll never come over to see how it is in mine."

He was probably babbling and making little sense, but he couldn't help it now. The tame had broken.

"I'm a grown man, and I'm aware I should've left it behind a long time ago. And I have, for the most part. But knowing what I'm walking into and being as prepared as I can be doesn't change the fact that what happens is always the same. I could write a script for the party, and I'd get it right every time, save some details. A few people will suggest I could change jobs to something more suitable, and at least one of them will be a member of my family. One of the usual guests will ask for the tenth time what it is that I actually do, because apparently, it'sthat hard to remember. And then another will refuse to come up with any question about me and instead tell me how wonderful it is that my mom, or dad, or one of my siblings do what they do." Eddie slid down until he rested his head over the back cushion. "To be clear, I don't want to sound unappreciative. I know my family's accomplishments are great, and I am proud of them. It's still…"

He shrugged, not sure how to finish as he ran out of steam.

"Tiring?" James supplied, and Eddie nodded.

"Yeah. Tiring works."

They fell into a comfortable silence for a while, and Eddie's eyes were starting to drop when James spoke up.

"At one of the foster homes I went to, I was the only boy. They had three daughters, two biological ones and one they'd been fostering for a few years by that point. But the father had clearly wanted to have a son all those years, so when I came along, he focused on me right away. He was this big-shot lawyer and wanted to teach me the job, took me to the office, and shared all these things he thought a good lawyer should know." James stared at his glass. "I never wanted to become a lawyer, but I was too afraid to tell him, because I thought they'd send me back."

Eddie swallowed hard. He couldn't imagine that kind of pressure, especially as a kid.

"But you know who wanted to be one?" James continued. "His oldest daughter. She loved his work stories, asked him questions, excelled at school and on the debate team. And yet he didn't care. He had three brilliant daughters, all three with ambitions way beyond mine, but he was one of those assholes who thought women had no place doing 'real' careers. He wanted a son because only a son could step into his shoes."

Eddie grimaced. He hated guys like that.

"What happened?" he asked, rolling his head against thecushion to see James frown.

"The daughters all came to resent me. No surprise there. I came out of nowhere and instantly became the center of their father's attention, something they had all been working their butts off for. So finally I told him I never wanted to be a lawyer and also, I'm gay. That was pretty much it."

"I'm sorry," Eddie whispered, mentally beating himself up for ever thinking that their situations were similar. They weren't. For all his family's faults and all his hurts, he was never in danger of being sent away. Being pushed aside, yes, but never abandoned.

James grunted in protest, as if he could read Eddie's mind.

"I meant to say, some people are impossible to please. That guy, he couldn't see how great his daughters were, because he was always searching for something else. And they could never please him while being themselves."

"They didn't have to turn against you, though," Eddie said, angry for that young James who got caught up in the family drama and thrown out.

"They were teenagers," James pointed out. "I don't blame them. I was an easy target, and they needed someone to be angry at."

"Still," Eddie argued. "I don't like it."

Looking up at that, James gave him a small smile. He opened his mouth, probably to say something, but then the air seemed to shift around them.

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