Page 16 of Find Me Again

He did put his head in—hopefully to check if there really wasn't anything worse going on—but didn't say anything more, and Neil could almost hear Ryan's voice in his head, commenting on there being no hazing unless someone was gay, apparently.

It was only a throwaway comment, though. He'd heard plenty already in their high school locker room, it wasn't all that different.

What was different and what made Neil forget the stupid shit talk, was the conversation he had with Coach Phillips. The man was larger than life and just seeing him sitting behind the desk made Neil straighten his back.

He wanted to make the best impression.

Now that he'd gotten here, heneededthis to go well.

"Listen," Coach Phillips said, leaning in, after he'd asked a few questions about the trip and Neil's impression of the campus. "I could give you the spiel and the 'here's what we can do for you' speech a mile-long, but I don't want to waste your time or mine. This school and this team is a big challenge, no question about it. I've seen you play, though, and I think you can meet this challenge. You wouldn't be sitting here if I thought anydifferent. But only you can decide whether you believe you're up to the task or not. Whether you believe you have what it takes to be here." He paused and raised his eyebrows. "Do you?"

Neil's heart hammered in his chest.

It all came down to him, now.

So, was he ready for it?

Was he willing to give his all to the impossible dream?

* * *

The silence in Ryan's truck was pressing on Neil, but he couldn't think of anything to say, so he stared out the window at the familiar sights of the road they'd taken hundreds, if not thousands of times before.

Chicago had been a maze, but he'd been excited to explore it. Meanwhile this, here, felt like a shoe that had been too worn out to stay on his foot for much longer. The same streets, the same buildings, the same road… Everything was always the same.

The only part that was right about any of this was having Ryan by his side, but even that was hard today. Why wasn't Ryan saying anything? They hadn't seen each other for a few days, so there should be plenty to catch up on. They'd exchanged texts, of course, but since Neil had to carefully word every one of his, it kind of sucked. He wasn't doing much better in person, either, but he'd hoped Ryan would fill in the gaps and Neil would be able to get lost in it for a bit before…

Well. Before talking to Ryan about Chicago.

Somehow.

He wished he could turn on the radio, at least, but Ryan hadn't gotten around to fixing it yet, which might have been exasperating at any other time, but now Neil had to hold back an irritated huff. Seriously, how hard could it be to get the damnthing fixed?

He rubbed his eyes. Maybe he was more tired from the trip than he'd thought.

Finally, Ryan parked at their spot, the back of the truck positioned so they'd had the perfect view as they lounged there. Hours upon hours they'd spent like that—talking, making out, having sex, and talking some more, with a few beers here and there. Ryan had once said that this was the spot where they'd figured themselves out, over and over, and maybe he'd had a point. It sounded profound to Neil back then, but now it felt more like a weight on his shoulders. An expectation of sorts.

Following Ryan to the back of the truck, where they hopped on to sit, still felt like the most natural thing, though.

It took barely two seconds for Ryan to speak out.

"I bumped into your uncle at the gas station the other night," he said slowly.

The dread sneaked down Neil's back.He knows already.

Ryan nodded as if Neil had said it out loud.

"'Never saw that coming, I tell ya. Our Neil heading to Chicago on a college dime.'" The impression wasn't bad, even if far from Ryan's best. Then he dropped the act. "I thought he was mixing something up, but he was utterly convinced, so… What the fuck, Neil?"

He swallowed. This was it. He'd know it was coming, now he just needed to say it. Get it out in the open.

"Couch Phillips called and invited me." He rubbed his hands over his thighs. "To check out if I might be interested."

"And you went."

It was a statement, not a question. Still, Neil nodded.

"Why?"

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