Page 2 of Find Me Again

"Todd!" his mom shouted towards the stairs to the basement, interrupting his train of thoughts. "Neil's here!"

A minute later he was being hugged by his father, who pulled back only to clap his hand on Neil's shoulder.

"Good to see you, Son."

Neil smiled, relaxing under the weight of that grip. This was probably the truest moment of joy he'd had since… everything.

"Good to see you, too, Dad."

Then Neil heard a noise in the hallway, soft thumping sounds of the family dog, Ken, slowly making his way from the backroom he resided in these days. He was seventeen this year, mostly deaf and struggling to walk longer distances.

"Hey, you." Neil knelt down to greet Ken with a kiss and a proper scratch behind his ears, getting a lick on his neck for his trouble.

"How's your knee?" His mom looked him up and down as if she was checking for any more injuries.

"It's fine," he assured her as he got up slowly. "A few weeks of rest and I'll be ready to go back out onto the ice."

She hesitated. "Don't overdo it, though, okay? You can take all the time you need."

"That's his job, Di." His father gestured them all towards the kitchen. "He's on a break while he's injured, but he has responsibilities there."

"I know what a job is, Todd," she said, exasperated. "I'mjust saying, until he's completely healed, he should take his time."

"Yes, thank you," Neil cut in before his parents could really get into it. He loved them dearly, but they tended to bicker for the sake of bickering, and he didn't want them to get into it over his health when he was right there. They'd probably done it enough when he wasn't. "I'm fine, I'm almost done healing, and I'm here for the next three weeks, so tell me your game plan."

This was the fastest way to distract them. His entire extended family loved the holiday season, and the vast number of aunts, uncles, and cousins living in the same town meant a carefully planned calendar of hosting, visiting, and lots and lots of cooking and baking. And both his parents reveled in it, even if his father pretended to be grumpy about it from time to time.

Neil took a seat at the kitchen table, with Ken lying down next to his feet.

He was in for a long story, for sure.

* * *

It wasn't until later, when he was in the shower, that the reality of his situation hit him again.

He might lose everything. All the years of hard work, of being careful, of everything he'd given up to be where he was today—all of that had come down to this moment. His biggest fear was about to be realized, and everything else might ultimately not matter at all.

He wished he could blame it all on Josh, and at times, he did. He had. But when he took in the full scope of every decision—good or bad—that had gotten him to this point, he knew Josh was simply the catalyst. Everything else… That was on Neil.

And it was so stupid, too. A decade and a half of hiding, only one real relationship that he'd destroyed forever ago, andin the end, it was a hook-up arrangement with a teammate that could potentially cost him his career and all he'd worked for.

Leaning forward, Neil rested his hands on the wall as the water cascaded on his back.

He had hooked up with a few fellow hockey players over the years, because it had been the safest option—both sides had things to lose, so it was agreed upon that nobody would find out. He hadn't done it often, but it had happened, each time being a one-off, never to be talked about again.

And then, last year, he and Josh had hooked up after a brutal game away in Seattle, the pent-up energy needing an outlet. They'd roomed together for the first time ever, since both their usual roommates stayed behind in Savannah, and, well, one thing had led to another, and then another, and then Neil had woken up tired and sore in the best of ways.

Which should have been the end of the story, but Josh had followed him out of the locker room after the training two weeks later and suggested a repeat. After that, he'd offered an arrangement of sorts, a friends-with-benefits type of situation, even if Neil would hardly call them friends. Still, the sex had been great, and the convenience alone was enticing, so he'd said yes. From that point forward, one of them would suggest theyhung outpretty much every other week.

Then August had come, and Josh had gotten himself a DUI and a few broken bones, which benched him for a long while—most likely until the end of his contract in a few months.

Angry and hurting, and smart enough to know he would soon be unemployed, Josh decided to take it out on Neil for some reason. He'd alternated between telling him to get out when Neil visited and demanding Neil came over there more. They'd never been a couple, but suddenly Josh was trying to make something different out of their arrangement—and not in a normal, "let's talk about it" way, but one that only pressuredNeil without taking into account his feelings or wants.

Finally, Neil had told him point-blank that he wasn't interested in anything more, or even in continuing what they'd previously had. A few weeks later, he'd gotten injured himself, so he'd focused on getting better, and Josh had backed off, too, which Neil thought was the end of it.

Up until three days ago, when Josh had called him out of the blue and asked him to come over to talk.

Neil should have said no, probably. Or maybe not—it was difficult to say what might have set Josh off more.

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