Page 32 of Find Me Again

"Yeah. But once I come out, it's not only me and my behavior or performance. It's also the media frenzy and fans' outrage, because if it's too bad, benching me would be the easiest solution."

"Or they could capitalize on you," Ryan countered. "Listen, I hate how it sounds, but if they can maneuver you into this position, you can exploit it as well. How long do you have left on your current contract?"

"Three years."

It was the only aspect of this whole thing that allowed himto have any sanity left. He was at least going to stay employed for three more years. Hopefully. The team could take him off the ice, or move him somewhere out of sight, out of mind, but it would be an expensive hassle for them, so they might not want to do that, as long as he kept performing well.

"That's good." Ryan tangled his fingers in front of him at the table, and Neil focused on them for whatever reason. "If you want, you can offer them full cooperation in regard to the media fallout as long as they back you up. They can be the ones driving the story and milking it for what it's worth. There are fans who are going to be delighted, and the news outlets that would want a scoop. Hell, I'm sure there are even sponsorship deals to be had out of it. Like it or not, the first NHL player coming out at the height of his career will go down in history—and your team can either be on the right side of it or the wrong one."

"They'd prefer their history to be a record-breaking Stanley Cup win streak." Neil grimaced. "Professional hockey isn't exactly a civil rights movement."

"Haven't noticed," Ryan told him dryly. "And sure, maybe your bosses would prefer for the world to look different and for them to have an easier job. Tough luck. You haven't chosen this, but you're here and this is going to happen, so there's no longer a path for them to sit back and do nothing."

They could probably find one, but it would only prolong the inevitable, as far as Neil was concerned. And Ryan was giving him a clear strategy here—one that Neil had thought of on his own, too, but it had been murky and self-recriminatory. He'd thought the only way out was to be apologetic about this, hat in hand and all that jazz. But if he presented it as a partnership, then…

Well, they could still laugh him off, sure. But maybe they wouldn't.

And if there was one thing he understood about themanagement, it was that they really liked it when someone offered them a solution to a problem. So if he came to them with a plan, with an idea of doing this with them, nottothem, it might actually work.

They could all—including him—prefer to be anywhere than in this situation, and there could be some kicking and screaming along the way, but it might work.

"You're right," he finally said, realizing he'd been silent for a long time. "It's a good strategy to try, at least."

Ryan nodded with a crooked smile. "Pretty good, if I do say so myself."

"Are you sure you're in private security and not in the fixing business?"

"I'm sure." Ryan's smile twisted into a smirk. "But you hear a lot of things when you're protecting someone high enough in the chain of command. I've been to many meetings where people forgot I was there, because they're so used to the security in the background that I could as well be invisible."

"I imagine you can't indulge my curiosity now?"

"No, the NDAs are longer than my arm. Still, I can use the framework of what I learn, like in this case."

"I appreciate it."

"That's what I'm here for," Ryan said softly, and right when Neil's heartbeat sped up and his gaze wandered dangerously towards Ryan's mouth, Ryan sat up and lost his smile. "Speaking of, I should probably go."

He gestured towards the door, and Neil wanted to protest, to keep Ryan here for longer, but he knew better. He was already feeling things he had no business feeling again and it was just going to get worse if he didn't put a stop to this—whatever it was.

He'd apologized, he'd asked Ryan for help, and Ryan had offered sound advice, even though they'd started on a bad foot earlier.

Neil probably shouldn't push his luck any further.

"Oh, okay." He sat up, looking around as if anything in the kitchen would help him. "I can drive you back—"

"No way, it's not even a ten-minute walk. And it will do me some good, since I'll probably be fed again as soon as I step into my parents' house." Ryan paused and glanced down at Ken, who sat up, probably sensing something was going on. "But hey, let's exchange numbers. I'm in town until New Year's, so if you need to talk or something, let me know."

"Really?" Neil tried not to sound too hopeful, but he probably ruined it by pulling his phone way too fast to be casual.

Ryan, for his part, only smiled when he took it.

"Sure, yeah. Besides, I wouldn't mind finding out how it goes. With the—the coming out and all."

As Ryan tripped over the words, he lowered his head, focusing on the phone, but Neil could still see how red his ears got in a span of a few seconds.

Now it was his turn to smile.

At least he wasn't the only one embarrassing himself here.

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