Page 45 of Find Me Again

"Hey, listen." She put a hand on his cheek and looked him straight in the eye. "Nothing on that list is bad, okay? Nothing."

"Mom," he whispered, voice rough, and he tried to step back, but she didn't let him.

"I love you with all my heart and I always have," she went on. "Nothing about who you are would ever change that, and I'm so sorry I didn't show you that enough—"

"That's not true—"

"Twelve years, Neil." She shook her head. "And who knows how many years before that. You've been keeping a secret that I should've taken off your shoulders a long time ago. I'm sorry I didn't."

He had to blink fast a few times, throat tight. "It was never yours to carry."

"I would have helped carry it either way, if you choose to," she argued. "Or not, if you decided to put it down earlier."

Neil opened his mouth to tell her it wouldn't have mattered, that it wouldn't have made him come out any sooner, or made him stay, or—

But he couldn't be sure, could he?

So he gave her the next best thing.

"Whatever choices I've made along the way, I'm happy with where I am. I know it didn't seem like that a few weeks ago when I got here, but I like my life."

Especially now. He didn't say that part, but there had to be something on his face, because she nodded as if she heard it.

"You've only ever made one choice I completely disagreed with, and you seem to be making up for the lost time now, so—"

"No, absolutely not." Neil pulled away then, and she let him, taking a step back herself. "We're not talking about this."

"Fine." She grinned at him, the serious spell broken. "We don't have to. I am happy, though."

He nodded, turning away to the coffee maker.

Yeah, Neil thought as he listened to her leave the kitchen.So am I.

CHAPTER TWENTY

As the door closed after the last of his cousins, Ryan turned back to the living room with a relieved sigh. Only his grandfather was still there, settled with his tea in the armchair, his knees covered in a blanket and the books he received as gifts still in his lap.

"I love them all, but boy, am I glad Christmas is only once a year," he said before taking a sip of his drink. "And that I'm too old to be pestered into cleaning up after them."

Snorting, Ryan took a seat on the couch close to him.

"They largely cleaned up after themselves, so there's that, at least."

While his parents were sorting things out in the kitchen, everything that needed to be taken care of in here had been dealt with.

As his grandfather only hummed, Ryan let himself relax into the seat and picked up his own mug. He'd eaten too much, yet again, which meant he would have to work harder after the break to get back into shape, but for now he could enjoy being stuffed with delicious food and not thinking about work.

The time was running out on that, but it was a worry for another day.

"Rumors have it you've been spending time with the Hopkins boy again."

The mug almost slipped out of Ryan's hand.

Spending time. He could only hope there was no double meaning intended in that, because no matter what would happen after Neil's coming out, Ryan didn't want to give anybody any ideas.

Especially himself. Just in case.

"Rumors have it, huh?" He shook his head. "I swear, this whole town has a gossip phone tree nobody ever added me to."

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