Page 50 of Find Me Again

"Hey, hey, it's fine," Ryan told him. "It's fine. Tell me what you have in mind."

"They're airing it in, like, an hour and a half, and I was planning to listen to it at home with my parents, but I thought that, maybe, you and I could…" Neil's voice grew hesitant and quiet. "This is stupid."

It wasn't stupid at all, not to Ryan. Neil wanting to share this with him felt important in ways Ryan couldn't quite explain.

"It's anything but," he told Neil, staring at the counter in front of him as his heart fluttered in his chest. "At least not the part that I heard so far, okay? So give me the rest and let me decide."

"I had this idea of the two of us up on the hill, listeningto the interview together," Neil admitted slowly after a bit of silence. "Dramatic, huh?" he added with a chuckle, obviously trying to cut it with a joke, but Ryan wasn't having it.

"Yeah, well, you're entitled to some dramatics on a day like this. I'm in."

"You are?"

The disbelief in Neil's voice made Ryan shake his head. This was not the time to get into it, but, honestly, how could this moment not be important to Ryan as well? If only for the teenage version of himself, who would've loved it so much.

"Of course," he said instead.

"Shit, okay, I'll—I'll pick you up at your parents' place?"

Ryan looked down at himself. "At my brother's. I'm not dressed for the occasion right now, so I need to change."

"Okay," Neil whispered, still in disbelief, but maybe everything was hitting him just now.

It was definitely hitting Ryan.

He stared at the counter after they disconnected, full of cups and mugs in different colors and sizes, willing himself to move, yet feeling stuck in place.

"Ryan?"

His mom's voice pulled him out of his stupor, right before he saw her walk up to the dishwasher with another small stack of empty plates.

They'd never seemed to run out of those during the holidays.

"Are you leaving?"

"Yes, I need to go, but I promise I'll be back for dinner, okay?"

"Honey, it's not that I'm trying to tell you what to do," she said with a sigh, in a tone signaling she was about to do exactly that, "but are you sure spending so much time with Neil is actually good for you?"

"I wouldn't do it if I thought it was bad for me, Mom."

Dangerous, yes. But not bad.

"I worry he's going to hurt you again."

Ryan hung his head for a moment. It wasn't like that thought hadn't crossed his mind, but…

"We're not the same people, now, and our situation is different. And even if it weren't, I don't want the fear of something going wrong stop me from living my life."

It was almost funny how Ryan had never actually admitted to either of his parents that him and Neil used to be a couple, and yet they were now talking about it as if they'd gone over that part already.

"Besides," Ryan added, fiddling with a mug decorated with a reindeer nose, "this is a really big day for him. I wouldn't skip out on the Boxing Day if it wasn't important, I promise."

The whole world would know soon enough, but Ryan wasn't going to be spilling the story to anyone, even his mom.

"Okay," she said with a shake of her head. "I hope it turns out well for you."

Me too, he thought.Me too.

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