Page 59 of Find Me Again

"That's… hilarious, actually." Neil laughed and rubbed his forehead. "And it does make me feel better, in a weird way."

"Whatever works," Ryan told him with a shrug. He couldn't stop grinning, but Neil seemed to have a similar problem, so they were fine. "Honestly, we're all pretty used to the rich and famous by now. We covered a few events where POTUS was in attendance."

"Okay, now you're bragging," Neil teased.

"I haven't even started yet!"

"Fine, but take it easy, or I'll end up feeling totally inadequate and refuse to ever meet your friends."

Ryan wanted to make some joke about how a bronze medal in the most famous partner category wasn't so bad, but he got struck by the idea of actually introducing Neil to people as his boyfriend.

A few weeks ago, Neil Hopkins had been little more than a memory of a badly-healed broken heart Ryan couldn't even talk about too much. And now, here they were, with Neil not only talking about him in public, but also wanting to become more integrated into his life.

Neil's smile softened, and he tilted his head. "You know I was joking, right?"

"Yeah, I…" Ryan chuckled and nodded. "I guess I got overwhelmed by all the possibilities."

"Me, too. But it's good to be positively overwhelmed instead of creating doom scenarios. I hope you know that—" Neil glanced down before meeting his gaze again. "It's not only that I'm happy to be with you, although I am. I'm also incredibly grateful that you made this difficult time in my life so much better. You actually turned it into something positive."

Damn, Ryan wanted to kiss him so badly right now.

"You are the one who turned it into something positive for yourself," he said. "I was there and I offered support, sure, but you were the one who took the shitty situation and owned it. I know you were forced into it, and that sucks, but—"

"I wasn't."

Ryan frowned. "What?"

"I mean, I was, Josh did blackmail me and he forced me to put the whole thing in motion, but at the end there, I had a way out."

As Ryan listened to the story of that last-minute phone call that could've changed it all, could've pushed Neil back into the closet, he sagged against the couch in disbelief.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

For a long moment, Neil didn't say anything, staring to the side, but then he looked into the phone camera again.

"I guess I needed to figure out what I was willing to let myself have, first. Wanting you was the easy part, but I didn't know what I could offer you, if anything. I was afraid that telling you it was ultimately my decision would send a signal I wasn't ready to send." He grimaced. "If that makes any sense."

"It does," Ryan told him with a nod and an aching, tender heart, because for all that Neil had mishandled their relationship and Ryan's feelings all those years ago, he was trying to do the exact opposite now.

And since Ryan had already fallen all over again, he appreciated that more than he could say.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

As the driver parked outside of Ryan's place, Neil stared at the four-story building, with its windows full of light.

He should get out of the car and go in there, but he was so fucking tired.

After completing a tour of what felt like every late show, morning show, and everything in between in New York, he'd disrupted his entire schedule to come to DC. Now he was here, and he wished he could muster some energy for Ryan, but there didn't seem to be anything left.

Ignoring the pointed look the driver was giving him in the rearview mirror, Neil pulled out his phone and texted Ryan.

Outside.

He'd sent numerous texts like that back when they were two kids obsessed with each other and it was too late to use a horn, and every time, Ryan would come out and join him in his car. Everything was as it should be in those small windows of time, no matter what else was going on.

Shit, all this talking on TV was making Neil sentimental.

He should probably shape up, and quickly.

---