Page 22 of Hold Me Down

Travis frowned, staring at one of the plants.

"The usual way—which is physical exercise, I guess." And sex, but he wasn't going to tell her that. "We spend a lot of time training anyway, and spending more time at the company gym wouldn't be a problem."

"Did you try that, before?"

"Of course." He looked at her then. "Like I said, I'm not against bettering myself, and I'm aware there are certain things I need to change."

"So since working out has helped you before, you figured it would help you with the current issue, is that correct?"

"Yes. And it's been helping withthecurrent issueas well."

He tried to hold back on the snarking front, but she probably wasn't fooled.

"It's normal and expected that we fall back on what has worked for us in the past when facing any new problem that arises. Each person has their own methods of dealing with stress—there are some common ones, of course, but there isn't one that fits everybody, which is why we sometimes need time to figure out what works for us. And once we find it, it's great, we think we have it, we've cracked the code. But then, sometimes things happen, and our usual ways of dealing with stress don't work as well as they used to."

"That's the thing, though." He scratched his jaw and tried not to think about the notepad in her lap. "Nothing's happened. Not at work, not outside of it, nothing."

"Is there a chance that you're so used to your job being stressful that you might not have noticed a particular thing becoming more aggravating?"

He'd dismissed that option before, when he tried to figure it out on his own, but he decided to give it a try again, not wanting her to think he was a jerk who didn't listen.

"It doesn't seem to be the case, no," he finally told her after sorting through the memories of various assignments once more. "Despite how it may look on the outside, my job isn't all that dangerous. I'd say 99% of the time, we're as safe as an average person, and I can't think of anything in recent months that would fall into that 1%."

The most recent dangerous thing he could remember was Eddie's kidnapping, but that had been almost a year ago, and Travis only heard the whole story after the fact, when he could already see for himself that Eddie was safe and sound.

As he told that to the therapist, she nodded. "And when do you think your symptoms first appeared?"

Travis grimaced at the word 'symptoms', but he tried to school his face quickly.

"Four months ago or so? I'm not sure." He shifted in his seat. "I didn't notice anything back then, but Kalei—my boss—first noticed something was different around four months ago."

"And what did he notice, exactly?"

"I was jumpier, easier to get riled up, and I took longer to cool off. I also went a bit too hard on the competitiveness front."

There had been a few sparring sessions after which his colleagues had given him looks, until finally Ian had called him out on it when they were alone in the locker room. But it was too late—Kalei had noticed, too, and Travis ended up in his office, getting a second wake-up call of that week.

"What did you chalk it up to, back then?"

Travis shrugged. "Nothing. I thought it wasn't caused by anything in particular, just a bug up my ass or something." He paused, catching up to what he'd said. "Sorry."

"I heard worse," she offered dryly. "But it wasn't just that, I gather."

"I started paying closer attention to how I'm feeling during training and that helped, since I usually manage to avoid getting that worked up again. But every once in a while, something flips, and the adrenaline takes over. I'm not excusing myself," he added quickly, "but that's how it feels."

"So you found something that helps in most cases, but not all."

"Yeah. Yes."

"Okay, that seems to cover the work part of your life, then—at least for now. What about the rest of it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've already said there wasn't anything big happening that you could pinpoint as the reason for your increased stress responses. However, it doesn't have to be big. Sometimes, it's the thing that seems pretty small from the outside that disrupts a person's life on a deeper level. It can also be a positive change, actually, something we look forward to, like a job change or the start of a relationship. The difference between old and new is a stressor in itself."

"I had neither."

She nodded, clearly unbothered by the lack of cooperation on his part—although he didn't do it on purpose. He honestly didn't know what the hell was wrong with him.

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