Page 37 of Hold Me Down

By the time Travis returned, Dave was lying on the couch, holding a pillow to his chest and staring at the TV with an intensity that a reality show about selling stupidly overpriced mansions definitely did not deserve.

"Everyone misses you," Travis told him as soon as the door clicked shut behind him. "It made me wonder if we shouldn't host a little get-together, actually. We could barbecue some food—or rather argue with Kalei until he inevitably takes over—drinksome beers, and then stuff ourselves full only to complain about it afterwards."

A part of Dave liked the idea—they'd rarely hosted more than two or three people at once but always had fun at Kalei's when he threw company-wide barbecues. Not seeing everyone for almost two weeks now had made Dave miss them and really appreciate the built-in social life at work. While a few people had come by to see him, and others texted and stuff, it wasn't the same.

There was a bigger part of Dave that didn't want the team to see him like this, though. He knew it was stupid, of course, but it was also the truth. He wouldn't be able to do any actual hosting or mingling, forced to sit back and watch as Travis and others easily handled everything around him. To top it all off, he would be no fun. He was used to being the life of the party, ceding ground only to Martinez, but Dave didn't have it in him now. Hurting and frustrated, he was a moping mess unless Travis distracted him properly, which wasn't a viable plan for recovery—or for anything, really.

Still, it was the only one Dave got, these days.

"Hey, you alright?" Travis stepped to the couch and squatted next to it.

Another thing I can't do, Dave thought and sighed, slowly turning onto his back and staring at the ceiling.

"I'm in no shape for a party," he finally admitted, out of several discarded options for a response. "Maybe some other time."

"There's no shape—"

"Then I'm in no mood," Dave cut him off without looking away from the ceiling. "Honestly. It's a good idea once I'm better, but not now."

Travis didn't say anything for a long moment, then rose back onto his feet.

Dave rubbed his eyes.Shit. He had to stop mentally listing everything Travis could do that he couldn't or else he would lose his mind—and possibly a friend.

He could almost hear a screech in his head at that, and didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Wow, he was seriously moping if he'd gone this far.

Needing a distraction, he finally met Travis's gaze. Dave was definitely not in the mood for sex, which meant…

"How about we order a pizza or two?"

Travis stared at him for a few long seconds before nodding.

"Pizza it is. With cheese sticks."

Now a smile came a little easier. "Yesss. You know the way to a man's heart."

"To yours, definitely."

All too well, I'm afraid.

"As much melted cheese as our arteries can sustain, and then some," Travis added, turning away as he pulled out his phone. "Coming right up."

Dave ignored a familiar twinge of disappointment, since he really should have known better. He'd already had as much of Travis's love and attention as he was ever going to get, and while it wasn't the kind of love Dave had hoped might develop as time went on, it was better than anything he could get from anyone else.

He'd tried that, after all, a few months ago. It didn't go well.

And yet, he couldn't get rid of the last remnants of hope of something shifting, of Travis one day realizing the same things Dave had—that a romantic relationship wasn't so hard if you met the right person, and that they'd both met the right person already, on a sunny afternoon eighteen years ago.

Closing his eyes, Dave pulled the pillow he was still holding closer to his chest and took a deep breath, then another, tryingto push back that feeling of not enough. It would only lead to resentment, which was the last thing he wanted.

Colin would be proud Dave actually remembered some of the lessons from marriage therapy he'd tried to instill in him.

"Done," Travis announced from up close, and Dave opened his eyes, startled, only to see Travis leaning over the back of the couch. "Food should be here in twenty-five minutes, so I'm gonna shower real quick and be right back. Unless there's something you need first?"

Dave shook his head and watched Travis leave, before slowly sitting up and rolling himself onto his feet—one foot, really—while gripping the arm of the couch for balance.

There were many things he needed help with now, and while he didn't like it, he had no choice but to accept it. He could do other things, however, even if slower and more unsteady, so he wasn't going to bother Travis with them.

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