Page 39 of Hold Me Down

He was already depending on Travis for so many things that he couldn't handle anything more tonight.

Tomorrow, maybe. But not tonight.

Even if it meant a shower that would last forever or a half-assed massage of his thigh because Dave couldn't get the same angle Travis had and couldn't dig as deep.

"I'm good," Dave told him without turning back. "See you tomorrow."

It wasn't until he was in his room and sitting down on the bed for a minute to give his body a break that he realized it was going to be the first night since the accident that they wouldn't sleep in the same bed.

There was a pang in his chest at that, then another when he realized it was all his doing. He'd made it sound like Travis wasn't welcome in his bed tonight.

And sure, Dave had zero desire to have sex, but they could have just gone to sleep. It wasn't like they'd had sex every night for the last two weeks, there were two or three nights in between when Dave had fallen asleep pretty much the moment his head hit the pillow and woken up in the middle of the night to see Travis asleep next to him.

For whatever reason, he'd needed a break from everything tonight, though. And now he had it.

If only it felt better than it actually did.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"So, how have you been?" Doctor Kumar asked, already a familiar question after only a few sessions.

They were meeting twice a week now, which seemed way too much for him at the start, but he'd kind of… gotten used to the idea.

While Travis wouldn't want to do this forever, he could see how it was helping him focus on his reactions and interpretations of things. He didn't like it much when Doctor Kumar offered a different point of view for certain things, but it was honestly useful.

"Travis?" she prompted him now, and he realized he hadn't answered her question.

"Pretty good, I guess."

He paused at that, but he already knew what was coming—her silence. She was good at waiting him out when he tried to skirt on a short, easy answer.

"It was different," he finally said to the art piece on the wall. "I went to the office on Friday and again today, and on one hand, it was weird, going there without Dave. It felt off the entire time. On the other, it was nice to see my coworkers. I got a talking to, but it wasn't as bad as I feared, and it seems like we're good now."

"Tell me about how it went."

As Travis gave her a recap of what had happened, he started thinking that maybe she wouldn't see it as he did, maybe she would tell him that things were worse than he'd assumed and he needed to do better than this, if he wanted to truly make up for his mistakes.

"It sounds like you have good friends over there," she said instead. "Ones who would be honest about how they're feeling but also give you grace as you're working on your issues."

Travis shifted in his seat. He would never put it in those words, exactly, but she wasn't wrong.

He focused on the easier part. "Yeah, we have a great team at work, like I told you before, and some of them have become close friends."

"You mentioned being relieved that after leaving the military you were able to find another group of people you enjoy spending time with."

"It's more than enjoyment, actually. Having people at my back is priceless, in our line of work but also in general."

"And being the kind of person who has other people's backs."

"Yes, of course."

"How do you view your relationships, in general?"

Travis frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You have family ties, a close-knit group at work, a partner with whom you live, a former commander turned boss… It looks like you tend to gravitate towards solid, long-lasting relationships."

Snorting, he rubbed his jaw.

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