Page 41 of Hold Me Down

What if he fell again?

Watching Dave climb those stairs had been brutal on Travis's nerves, and he hadn't quite shaken it off yet.

"So there's a conflict between the two of you over how much or how little Dave should do on his own."

Travis sat up straighter.

"A conflict is too strong of a word. He's irritated, that's for sure, but I wouldn't say we're fighting."

"A conflict of perspectives, then. He thinks he should be doing more, and you think he should be doing less and letting you help."

"I want to help him get better."

"Of course you do. And he knows that, too, right?"

"Right."

"Meanwhile, he's also struggling with not being able to do things and insists on trying stuff. Did he make it up those stairs?"

"Yeah." Travis slumped in his seat again. "It took a while, but he made it."

"And you were at his back."

Closing his eyes briefly, Travis sighed.

"I'm not sure I'd be fast enough if he fell. He'd be safer if I helped him up."

"But if you helped him up, he wouldn't be able to try on his own." Doctor Kumar rolled her pen again. "That's a common struggle in a situation like this. The person with the injury pushes for independence, and the person who's there next to them tries to protect them from further harm. What about when he's not injured? Do you find yourselves in similar circumstances at work, for example?"

"You mean, do I try to do things for him when he's not injured? No, I don't. I mean," Travis added with a frown, "we do stuff for each other all the time, but it's more usual, everyday stuff, like making coffee or something. We're not hovering over each other out in the field."

"And do you think you're hovering now?"

He grimaced. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"For the record, I'm not calling it one way or another, I'm simply using your words."

"I don't know if that's better or worse," he muttered, but he was rewarded for it with a twitch of her lips. "I don't thinkI'm hovering most of the time, but I can see how it may feel stifling, especially for Dave. Independence is crucial for him, like I said. He always made sure he was self-sufficient and able to do things. We fit well right from the start, because we both wanted a partner to rely on in the field but were also eager to excel on our own. We never tried to hold each other back—the opposite, really. We push each other to get better."

"But now you feel like you do want to hold him back, at least a little."

Swallowing an immediate protest, Travis gave himself a minute to think about it.

"If I thought it was safe for him to do it on his own, I wouldn't hold him back," he said slowly, but then realized that it wasn't quite right. "Fuck, Iamholding him back."

He caught himself and apologized for the swearing, but she waved it off, as she'd done in the past.

"Maybe you do, maybe you don't. His doctor or physical therapist should probably decide what's enough and what's too much. I'd like us to focus on how it feels. Right now, you want to protect him more than you want to push him into getting better. None of this is bad in itself."

Travis lowered himself in his seat, feeling the tension blooming in his head.

"It's not that simple."

Not to him, and certainly not to Dave.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Sleeping alone had done nothing to improve Dave's mood, and once he'd wobbled his way to the bathroom, he grimaced at himself in the mirror. What a shitty way to start the week.

---