Page 120 of Not How I Saw That Going

“I know what you’re doing. It’s the same thing you did after Rodney went to prison. But this time you have a kid to take care of. He misses you.”

There’s the final zinger. The truth. I’ve been here, but I haven’t really been. I’m a horrible mother.

And there I go, back into the pit of despair with just me, myself, and I.

“Here.” She hands me my phone I lost a day ago. “Lisa has called a few times. Take a shower, then start there.”

I grab the phone, skimming through the missed calls. I don’t know why I expected to see one from Ward, but my heart still deflates when I don’t.

Did I really confess my love for Ward and break up with him in the same night? Is there no end to the list of mistakes I made?

Mistake one: date Rodney. Mistake two: dream of something different for Crew and me.

The rest are only subcategories.

That night could have been so devastatingly different had Ward not shown up. I owe him so much more than I could ever truly repay.

I put my recent blunders on the back burner and click Lisa’s number as I trudge to the bathroom.

She answers on the first ring. “Oh Lyndi, dear. Maddie told me what happened. I’ve been so worried. How are you doing?”

I study my swollen eyes in the mirror from all the crying I’ve done while Crew is safely in bed. “Do you want the honest answer or the answer I’d give a stranger?”

“Oh, darling. I’m so sorry. Life has been difficult for you.”

Tears sting the back of my eyes. I’m not used to empathy from someone claiming to be my family. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. And you shouldn’t accept that answer for you or for Crew. You both deserve every bit of happiness.”

“I know.” I don’t know. That dream slipped away the second I saw Rodney again.

“Listen, honey, I know this is too soon, we’ve only just been reacquainted, and you have so much going on in your life right now, but I was wondering if you would be interested in helping me in my store. I’m not as young as I once was, and it’s getting hard to see the right measurements.”

Is she offering me a job?

A tiny flutter of something unrelated to disappointment lands somewhere in my chest. “Seriously?”

“You don’t have to work full time, and I’ll be flexible with your hours. Crew is the most important.”

This can’t be real. I’ve had my fair share of surprises the last few days.

“I don’t know much about fashion.” Nothing, I know nothing about fashion. “But I’d love to help out.”

“I won’t make you do anything you’re not ready for, so you take your time. Come in when you’re ready. And bring Crew. I have a back room I made into a playroom for my own kids when they were little. It’s been a storage room for the last fifteen years, but I can get it cleaned out.”

“I will.”

By the time I finish showering, the flutter has turned into butterflies. Is it hope I feel?

I put my locket back on, rubbing the smooth metal between my fingers.

Thank you for bringing family back into my life, Dad.

I wrap my hair in a towel and leave the bathroom.

“Mommy!” Crew cheers when I walk into the kitchen. “You’re standing! Good job.”

I shake my head and scoop him up for a hug. I can always count on him for support, and to keep me humble. “I love you, baby.“ I kiss the top of his head.

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