Page 28 of Blazing Embers

She works in silence for a minute, her fingers strong and sure. If Sabrina hadn’t gone into showgirl law, she would have made a killer physical therapist. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” she asks quietly. “Because you know you can’t put her back once she’s out!” Her tone turns teasing and light.

I hit her with a cushion. She laughs but doesn’t stop rubbing my feet.

I look at the lantern, at the yellow pool of light flickering on the braided rug, at the shadows shifting in the corners of the room. The cabin smells like dust and cedar and the memory of woodsmoke, even though the stove hasn’t been lit all day. “No,” I say, but my voice cracks, and she gives me a look that says, liar, liar, uterus on fire. “I don’t regret deciding to keep her.” I rub my belly. My eyes mist over with tears. “It’s just… I…” I swallow.

I can’t finish the sentence, so I just let the word hang there, like a loose thread daring someone to yank it.

“Hey, it’s not like you’re not going to be here with us,” Sabrina says, eyes bright, jaw set as she reaches forward and squeezes my hand affectionately. “By the time she’s old enough to say her first words, we’ll have sorted this shit with Irina and Gavriil out and we’ll be able to tell everyone the truth.” She pulls a face. “Well, a half truth, that you’re Elena’s mother and you don't know who the father is.”

“Great!” I snort, my heart squeezing at my sister's good intentions; she’s building on the lies I fed her.

Sabrina still believes that Elena’s father is Gavriil Mirochin and that I was having an affair with him. Fell pregnant. His wife threatened me, so I went into hiding. Hence, the reason Sabrina has to pretend to be pregnant and went along with my fake miscarriage three months ago.

Oh fuck. The lies. The deceit. I’m just lucky I have such a sharp memory to keep them all together. I breathe through the panic that rises with the shame and guilt of what a deceitful bitch I’ve become. Using, manipulating, and betraying the trust of everyone I love in order to protect them.

“I know,” I say, trying not to let the tears burning the back of my eyes fall. “I’m just so, so, sorry I dragged you into this.” I bite my lip, fighting back the tears, and clear my throat so my voice doesn’t crack with pain and echo my guilt. “You have no idea what you’re doing for our little girl.”

Sabrina leans in and kisses my forehead, her hand warm and soft on my shoulder. “You know I would do anything for you, Tara. You’re my big sister, and I would kill for you and…” She puts her hand on my tummy. “Our little girl.” She grins as Elena kicks her hand. “The next generation of Craft and wow!” She laughs. “She already has strong limbs. I’m thinking a kickboxer.”

I laugh, and the baby kicks so hard this time that I nearly spill my tea.

“There she goes,” Sabrina says. “She just loves it when I compliment her strong limbs.”

“She just knows it’s time to get this show on the road,” I say. I take a breath, wincing as the pressure shifts lower, a reminderthat there’s no stopping the clock. “Did you read any more about how to induce labor?” I glance at the front door. “Are you sure Clyde knows to bring that midwife, the one he told us about?”

“I’m not the one with the pregnancy porridge brain,” Sabrina reminds me. She picks up her phone and starts scrolling. “Now, let's see… the best ways to induce labor.” She squints at the screen as she scans it. “Okay, so this is an actual article, not just one of those mom-boards where everyone spells ‘uterus’ wrong. It says the top methods are: sex, spicy food, walking, and… nipple stimulation.” She pauses, makes a face. “I have some toys that could help with all that…” She gives me a cheeky grin.

“I’d rather jump off the roof,” I mutter.

“Walk it is then!” Sabrina bounces off the ottoman and holds her hand out. “Let’s do a lap around the grounds.”

I glare at her, but her enthusiasm is contagious. I let her pull me up, throw a shawl around my shoulders like a little old lady, and we hustle out the back door to shuffle slowly around the perimeter of the back garden of the cabin, one hand each on the curve of my belly.

It’s like carrying a sack of bowling balls taped to my front, and every step sets my spine on fire, but I do it. Because if I don’t, Sabrina will never let me hear the end of it, and I’ll wake up with all her vibrators on my bedside table.

“You’re waddling,” she says, with a wicked smile.

“So are you,” I shoot back, and for a second, we’re both tweens again, racing around our house in socks, trying to out-insult each other before Mom catches us.

We circle the perimeter of the woods. I see movement from the corner of my eye—a flicker of light, a shadow passing by.

Sabrina sees it too. Her hand tightens on mine. “Sam’s doing the perimeter. He’ll text if there’s anything.”

I nod. “I know.”

We finish the lap, and I drag my girth back inside to collapse back into our spots. Sabrina curls up next to me on the armchair, her fake bump squished between us. She wraps the old blanket around both of us, tucking me in like I’m the little spoon even though I outweigh her by at least twenty pounds right now, even with her fake baby bump.

The silence is heavy, but not suffocating. Just the ordinary quiet of two sisters waiting for the world to end and begin, all in the same night.

We sit there for a long time, letting the night settle around us. The lantern hisses. My back eases a little. The baby shifts, and I can feel her tiny foot pressing against my palm, almost like she’s trying to high-five me from the inside.

“I’ve been thinking about my real mother,” I admit. “Wondering what she was like. How she’d react if she knew about my baby.”

“I know Mom and Dad didn’t speak about your birth mom a lot,” Sabrina yawns, then burrows closer. “But I’m sure if she were still alive, it wouldn’t matter to her that you were knocked up by a married Bratva prince with a murderous wife who wants you dead.”

“Gee, thanks.” I put my arm around my little sister and kiss her head. “You make everything so much better.”

“Always happy to help,” Sabrina’s voice gets heavy and sleepy. She’s quiet for a while before lifting her sleep-dazed eyes towards me. “You know you’re going to be the best mom, right?”

---