Page 113 of The Last Hope

“And when I found out I was pregnant with Rafael, I was so weak that I thought about… ending it all.”

A sob escaped me, “I was pregnant with… my rapist’s child. I didn’t want to carry this thing he had inflicted on me. But I couldn’t, Nikolai. It was a baby. A baby who hadn’t asked for any of this. And he was my baby.”

I pressed my forehead against his shoulder as my tears finally fell. His hand moved from my arm to my neck, massaging gently, giving me the strength to keep going.

“When he was born, when I held him for the first time, I hated myself. I hated that I had ever thought Rafael was…” My breath caught. I gripped his sweater as he squeezed my neck twice, telling me it was okay.

His lips pressed against my temple, his warm breath sweeping away my hair, “that’s when I started pretending. Pretending to be strong, pretending to be brave. It was the only way to protect my son. He was the only thing keeping me alive, the only thing that helped me survive until today, Nikolai. Without him, I… I would have…”

I fell silent when his hand moved from my neck to my jaw, tilting my face up to his. “Forgive me,” he said suddenly, his blue eyes locked onto mine. “Forgive me for not coming sooner. Forgive me. Forgive me,Solnychko.”

He repeated it again and again, making my sobs grow louder. He kissed my forehead, my temples, my cheeks—everywhere I had scars, everywhere that had once hurt so much I couldn’t bear to touch it for days.

I shook my head. “You couldn’t have known…”, “the moment I saw you, I knew, Selina. I knew what was happening. I knew who you were.”

His lips hovered over mine, his scent overwhelming me, “who am I, Nikolai?” I asked, my gaze flicking between his eyes andhis lips, the desire I had been trying to suppress now burning, consuming me.

“Solnychko. You are mySolnychko, Selina. As bright and radiant as the sun, as warm and dazzling as it is, as joyful and light as it is,” he whispered, his thumb grazing my lower lip. “I was lost in darkness for so long, Selina.”

He shook his head, pressing his forehead against mine, “I lied, Selina. I can’t. I can’t let you go. I can’t live without you, Selina.”

His voice was rough, and I trembled, inhaling deeply.

“I’m sorry, Selina, I can’t—” his words faded against my lips as I kissed him, rising onto the tips of my toes, my hand sliding against his nape. He didn’t move—he stayed frozen.

I pulled back slightly and looked at his face, so perfect, so beautiful. His eyes remained closed, his breath coming in rapid bursts from his parted lips. With trembling fingers, I traced the bridge of his nose, his cheekbones, his beard, and his jawline, then the outline of his lips. “Don’t be sorry,amoremio,” I whispered, and his eyes snapped open, widening at the endearment.

“I don’t want to go anywhere, Nikolai. Not today, not ever. I… I shouldn’t be able to—no, I shouldn’t even be capable of trusting a man after… after him.”

My hand slid against his cheek, and he leaned into my palm slightly, “but you, Mr. Ivanov, you have your own way of breaking down my walls,” I said with a soft smile.

But he didn’t smile. On the contrary, his face was so serious, his eyes shining with a determination that stole my breath. “So strong and courageous,” he repeated, cupping my face between his hands. “So strong and courageous… and mine.”

Then he kissed me—slow and deep—so tender that my tears returned, and I closed my eyes to hold them back. I clung tohis shoulder, my hand slipping from his cheek to the back of his neck. He bit down gently on my lower lip, and I gasped, giving him the opportunity to slide his tongue between my lips, meeting mine, deepening the kiss.

Despite my lack of experience, I tried to kiss him back. A small moan escaped me, and I felt him freeze before pulling back.

I slowly opened my eyes, my breath ragged, my cheeks burning. His gaze trailed down my face, stopping at my lips—probably swollen—before rising back to my eyes.

“Blyat,” he muttered in a husky voice.

I yelped as he suddenly lifted me, one arm around my waist, and set me on the small desk against the wall. I grasped his shoulders as he stepped between my thighs, tightening his arm around me.

“One word, Selina. Just one, and I’ll stop everything,” he said, his voice so unrecognizable, so dark… and I liked it.

I shook my head, instinctively—or deliberately, I had no idea—tightening my legs around him.

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, “I don’t want you to stop, Niko. Not ever.”

I pulled him to me, kissing him again. A low groan rumbled in his throat—a sound I had never heard before—and my thighs pressed even closer around him.

His free hand encircled my ankle, making me shudder against him. I trembled as he slowly traced his fingers up my calf beneath my long skirt. I moaned again when his touch glided over the back of my knee, and he tilted his head, deepening our kiss.

I clutched his hair—pulling him closer. At my grip, he firmly grabbed my thigh, suddenly dragging me closer to the edge ofthe desk, and my eyes widened when I felt his arousal pressing against me.

“Nikolai !” I exclaimed, surprised and he froze, locking eyes with mine.

“Stop ?” he asked out of breath. And my heart clenched at his consideration, at his restraint despite his… evident desire.

---