Page 9 of Justice & Liberty

“Crime wave,” I said, rolling my eyes so hard they twinged. “The things some people think are life or death issues will never cease to amaze me.”

“Right?” He leaned toward me, beaming, and it was weird, but I figured I’d made my first new friend in town. Super weird that it was a teenage boy, but that was okay.

“As far as Sheriff Parker,” I said, after considering for a moment, “he scared the crap out of us when I was in high school, but that was more than ten years ago. Maybe he’s ready for retirement.”

“He’s pretty old.” Ryan hefted one of the last boxes out of the truck, still light on his feet and ready to keep going, evenas I was ready for a nap. “But the only other person who works in the office is Deputy Marsden. Gran calls him Barney Fife, after this old timey TV show she used to watch, cause he’s...not very good at being a deputy, or like...real smart?”

I winced at the idea. I hadn’t watched a whole lot ofThe Andy Griffith Showsince it was way before my time, but I was aware of its existence and the reference, and it wasn’t really what you wanted to hear about your only local sheriff’s deputy.

“He’s way cuter than that guy but—I mean—I don’t—” Ryan had frozen in place, blue eyes wide, looking like a trapped animal all of a sudden.

I’d been living in LA, in the middle of the queerest crowd known to man, for too long, because it took me a minute to figure out what had him panicked. When I got it, I affected the most casual shrug possible. “I’ve never been much into guys, but I get you.”

He seemed to entirely deflate, and leaned his whole body toward me even more. “I thought maybe...that is, Mom used to say stuff like that. Like...you know.”

I could imagine what the sour-faced woman I remembered from next door had said about me being a lesbian, but it had honestly never even crossed my radar. I just shrugged again. “Sure. South Liberty is better than average, but it’s small town Iowa. There’s gonna be some bullshit. I’m sorry if you’re having to hear it from your own mom.”

He leaned against the end of the truck, for the first time seeming a little tired. “She doesn’t know. I don’t...the way she talks, how can I tell her? What if she tosses me out? I don’t have anywhere else to go, and like...I have two years left in high school.”

I leaned on the opposite end of the back of the truck, nodding to him. I’d never been worried about telling my ownmother about my sexuality, but I knew how this went. I’d had so many friends who’d been through it, with both good and utterly heartbreaking results. “Tell you what, Ryan, if it comes down to it and the worst happens, you come on over, ’kay? I’ve got this whole empty attic that would make a great apartment.”

He blinked at me. “Seriously?”

“Of course. What else are neighbors for?” I waved at all the boxes in the garage. “Besides, I owe you at least one for all your help. And I’ve even got a couch that can go up there.”

He beamed at me, hopping back up, bright-eyed and all fear entirely forgotten. Damn, I did not miss teenage hormones, dragging moods back and forth at the drop of a hat.

I didn’t know about the legality of taking in abandoned minors, but I also didn’t know about the legality of kicking your kids out for being gay. Sometimes people surprised you with their reactions to things, and there was no reason to go burning that bridge before we even crossed it. No harm in giving the kid a safety net for his own peace of mind, though.

I ordered pizza for lunch, and after he scarfed down half a large pepperoni, Ryan carried the last two boxes into the garage.

“Thanks Ryan, I really do appreciate all your help. And thank your grandmother for me.”

“Will do, Jaycie. Thank you for, um, you know. It’s...it was good. Everything.”

I nodded in return, acknowledging the situation without words, and watching him cross the yards between our houses. A sturdily built older woman opened the door to let him in, turning to nod to me as he passed her, so I waved and smiled at her before heading over to close up the truck.

I wasn’t really in the mood to start messing with unpacking,so I headed inside, closing the garage door behind me. I hadn’t decided about bedrooms at all yet. If I was going to take the main bedroom—Mom’s room—on the ground floor, I’d have to redecorate it, and that could be expensive.

Beds were expensive, weren’t they?

Tanya and I had slept on a futon for a reason, after all.

But I didn’t much want to spend the rest of my life sleeping on my childhood twin size bed, either, so at some point, I was going to have to bite the bullet and buy one.

I wandered through the house, trying not to focus on how empty it felt without Mom and Hex.

Hex—short for Hecate—at least would be back soon. September had offered to take her for good if I needed someone to, but since I was coming back, there was no reason to impose like that. It only seemed right to reunite her with Bee, who was technically her sister, even if they were a decade or more apart in age. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how much longer Hex would be with us, since she had to be nearing twenty. No reason to upset her life any more than necessary.

Mom’s room, the main bedroom on the ground floor, was just as I remembered it, homey and beautiful. Even if I moved into the room and took her furniture out, I’d have to move it upstairs rather than get rid of it. It was a complete matched set, all hand-carved maple stained a warm golden brown, with navy bedding. The ceiling, too, was painted dark blue, dotted with silver stars. We used to occasionally add a coat of glow in the dark paint to the stars, so they would show up at night too.

It was all just so . . . her.

Fuck.

Suddenly I was crying, sitting on the edge of her bed, and it just...it hit me, harder than ever before, that my mom was gone. Really and truly, and I would never see her again. Andshe hadn’t given me a chance to come home and see her one last time.

Part of me still wanted to be mad at her for it.

---