Page 10 of Restoring His Howl

Chapter Five

Dillon cowered against his door and cried. He sobbed until his chest ached, and his heart hurt. God only knew how long he’d been sitting there, but he couldn’t stop the outpouring of emotion. Fucking hell. He hadn’t wanted to fall apart like this, but he couldn’t help himself. He trembled, despite his best efforts to sit still.

Cinders hadn’t known about the trigger phrase. He probably hadn’t meant anything other than really eating and actually watching a movie. That didn’t mean the memories had faded. Dillon would never forget the nights and days he’d spent locked in the little room. The hours he’d been left nude and abused for the sick pleasure of theWet Dreamspeople… Being kept in the dark as punishment for not performing and the countless individuals he’d serviced.

He shuddered. God, he was messed up.

Would Cinders be able to help him deal with his demons, or would the jaguar run the other way? Jesus. He doubted the jaguar would bolt.

A thought occurred to him. Cinders hadn’t pulled away when he’d seen Dillon naked. Okay, so the naked time hadn’t lasted long, but still… Cinders hadn’t act as if he cared about strolling around without clothes. Could Dillon risk his heart and let Cinders in? Even just for a party? Why did the thought of attending the costume party both excite him and churn his stomach?

His wolf cried within him. The animal wasn’t happy. He’d seen the same things Dillon had. He’d been used, too. But the wolf wanted to run to Cinders. Too bad the wolf’s desire to go to Cinders was outweighed by his human’s desire to stay secluded.

He heard footsteps outside the door. Damn it. He hadn’t wanted anyone to hear him break down. The person knocked.

“Dillon?”

Cinders. Dillon froze. The jaguar shifter knew he was in the room. He’d watched Dillon retreat. He’d probably come by to check on him. Dillon sniffed the air, smelling food. Stew? Something with game meat. His wolf growled. He wanted out or at least to have food.

“Dillon? You don’t have to talk to me, but open the door. Please? I’ve got venison chili and a beer. You need to eat something,” Cinders said.

Dillon left the floor and wiped his face. He had to look awful. Should he let Cinders in? He’d read Cinders wrong. The offer for food and a movie had been innocent, not code for sex. How could he face Cinders now?

The shaking returned. His wolf howled, but Dillon still wasn’t sure what to do.

“Dillon?” Cinders asked, his voice soft. “I need to make sure you’re okay. I’m worried. Please? Even if it’s just a crack, open the door.”

Dillon twisted the knob. The lock gave away. Cinders stood in the hall. He held two bottles of beer in one hand and a bowl of chili in the other. “Hi. You don’t have to let me in.” He offered the food. “Eat. It’s good.”

“Thank you.” Dillon placed the bowl on his dresser. “Come in.” He wasn’t sure what to do, but he’d feel better if they were alone or at least had some privacy.

“You’re shaking. Are you cold? You’re still wearing the sweatpants.” Cinders swept his gaze over Dillon. “You need a shirt. Where are they?” He abandoned the bottles on the dresser then rummaged through a drawer. “Here.” He pulled out a long-sleeved T-shirt. “Put this on.” Once Dillon had cooperated, Cinders rubbed Dillon’s arms. “Honey, talk to me. Are you okay? I can get Willow up here. Markas? Ryan? I know you’ve chatted with him. Let me help you.”

Dillon wobbled. He’d only ever found two other people who seemed to care about him other than Cinders. This feeling of protection sure felt real. He should tell Cinders about his past, should open up and give Cinders a chance to understand him. If he just got everything out, he’d know where he stood with Cinders. He might get his heart broken, but he’d see how Cinders felt about him. He’d never opened up to anyone—not to Markas or Ryan. No one knew the biggest part of his past.

Cinders closed the door then pushed the food into Dillon’s hands. “At least, get some nourishment into you. Might take the chill off. Sit down, too.”

Dillon cooperated and warmed his hands on the bowl. “I’m not cold.”

“You’re fevered?” Cinders nodded once and pointed to the door. “I’m calling Willow.”

He shook his head. “Don’t. I’m not sick. Promise.”

“Dehydrated? Starving?”

“No.” He sighed. “Sit with me. You can watch me eat and be sure I am.”

Cinders sank onto the bed. He tucked his legs under him and rested his elbows on his knees. “Look, I don’t know what I did back in my room that upset you, but I’m good at raising Cain, so I’m sure I did something. Whatever it was, I’m sorry.”

“Accepted.” Dillon ate the chili and savored the deliciousness. The heat from the food warmed him. He needed the time to eat to figure out what he wanted to say. Cinders didn’t have to apologize for anything. He hadn’t known what would bother Dillon. How could he? Dillon wasn’t hungry, but he wanted to prove to Cinders he would eat.

“Good, isn’t it? I ate two bowls of it.” Cinders smiled then bowed his head. “I figured I should give you some time to…I don’t know. Calm down?” He met Dillon’s gaze. “I’m not fond of cheese, but the sour cream made it tasty. Could’ve used some cornbread. I’m a sucker for cornbread. Mom made it when I was a kid.”

“You weren’t raised as a jaguar? I remember you saying that once. What’s it like to be a kid?” Dillon dug into his chili. Anything to get another few minutes to think.

“Yeah, my parents had a whole slew of kids. Dad had two from a previous relationship, and Mom had one. They had me and my sister after they got together. I was a bad kid. I raised hell and ran around. Then I found out I could shift, and the wildness made some sense. But as soon as I could leave, I did. I ran off and clubbed for, God, three years? When I ran out of money, I turned to what I knew I could do and started dancing. I cleaned up and wiggled my ass for whoever would stick money in my pants.” Cinders half-smiled. “Sounds bad, but I got by. I wouldn’t have left the club, but I had to because it wasn’t a good environment, and it’s now flat. Ryan knew that. I think he understood when he saw Delaney that, yeah, we needed to get out of there. We’re shifters and should be free, not cooped up in a club.”

“Yeah.” Dillon finished the chili and abandoned the bowl.

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