Page 30 of Rocking Cedarwood

“Why don’t you try?” Niall glared at him. “Convince me not to leave. Explain to me what you were thinking.”

He wasn’t sure how to say the words on his heart. If he could sing it, he’d be better, but this wasn’t the time for music. “I didn’t want to give up my dream of being a musician any more than I wanted to give up my chance to be a teacher. Until this year, everything was carefully separated. We were friends at the school but hadn’t gotten close. Then we did and I started thinking I didn’t want to keep my life so…separate.”

“That’s not awful.” Niall folded his arms but continued to pace. “It makes sense. Doesn’t mean I’m happy, but I get what you were trying to do.”

He did? Maybe the relationship wasn’t totally screwed. Michael forged ahead, buoyed by Niall’s response. “I’d planned on telling you sooner or later, but my lawyer’s punk-ass boyfriend forced my hand. Then the coalition found out and things went to shit. I wanted to tell you. Like a hundred times, but I didn’t know how.”

Niall stopped pacing and glared at Michael. “You weren’t going to tell me, were you—not really. How long were you going to keep this from me? String dumb old Niall along? I get what you were trying to do, but Jesus…I hate that you didn’t trust me.” His voice cracked and the pain in his eyes was obvious. “I thought I loved you.”

Michael sagged against the couch cushions. He’d wanted to hear that word from Niall—love—but not in the past tense. “You do?”

“I don’t know how I feel now. I’m confused, pissed and don’t want to be here.” Niall rubbed his arms. “I feel so stupid.”

“No.” Michael jumped to his feet and threw his arms around Niall. “Don’t feel that way. You’re not stupid. You fell in love. So did I.” He rested his forehead against Niall’s temple. “That’s why I had to be honest with you. I’m complete when I’m with you.”

“Then why would you do this? You should’ve just told me.” Niall didn’t pull away, but he didn’t hug Michael back.

“I needed to know that you were interested in me, not Bandit. He’s my mask. I hide behind him and accept adulation because I don’t think I’m good enough as Michael.” He’d never told anyone that particular secret.

“You’re gorgeous. I like you with hair better, but you’re still handsome as hell.” Niall scrubbed the back of his hand over his face. “You play music that makes people happy and teach kids that science and English are cool.” He cleared his throat. “You could probably incorporate more music into your lessons, too. Might help some of the kids learn better.”

“You’re right.” This was why he needed Niall in his life. Niall saw things he wasn’t sure could happen. Niall wore his heart on his sleeve and forced Michael to be honest. “Will you stick around for the concert? I’ve got a day off tomorrow and I want to spend it with you.” He refused to let go of Niall—not yet.

“I can’t go anywhere until the limo takes me home. A taxi ride would be too expensive.” Niall shrugged away from Michael. He kept his head low and his voice soft. “I like you, Michael. I respect Bandit as a musician. Will this work? You and me? I don’t know. I need someone I can trust. I don’t know how to feel right now.”

Michael flexed the muscle in his jaw and jammed his hands into his jeans pockets. Keeping the double life had been fun while it lasted, but Niall had proved to be the reason he wasn’t meant to keep up the charade. He wanted the same things Niall wanted and needed—trust, love and respect. He hadn’t respected Niall or encouraged Niall’s trust by lying to him. He’d destroyed the best relationship he’d ever had.

“Think there’s a chance you can forgive me?” Michael asked. He didn’t dare to hope they’d stay together. “I’m sorry. You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you.”

“But you didn’t until someone forced your hand.” Niall squared his shoulders. “Is there a bathroom close by? I need a walk. Send Dexter along with me if you think I need an escort, but I need to get out of here for a little while.”

Michael nodded. He strode over to the door. Dexter, Leif and a couple of security guards waited by the door. He gestured to Dexter. “Can—can you stick with Niall for a little while?” He glanced over at Leif. “He needs some air and I want to have a chat with your other half.”

Dexter nodded once. “Trust me, he’s not, but he’s all yours. I’ll keep an eye on your boy.”

He wasn’t sure how long Niall would be his boy, especially now. He waved to Leif. They’d never been friends and barely knew each other beyond casual chats with Dexter around. He cleared his throat and closed the door once Leif entered the room.

“Sit.” Michael hooked his thumbs in his belt loops. He had to approach this with caution. “So. I hear you’re getting serious with Dex. That must be why you’re here—because I know he claimed he revoked your backstage access.”

“Yeah, he lies.” Leif sprawled out on the couch. He draped his arms across the back and spread his legs. “Once the tour’s over, we’re getting married.”

“Really?” That was news. “I see.”

“Why? Are you interested in getting in on the action?” He slid one hand over his crotch. “There’s plenty of me to go around.”

Michael bit back a gag and frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“I’ve seen you look at me. You want me. I get it.” He stroked himself through the fabric of his jeans. “Let’s do this thing.”

“No.” Michael folded his arms. “I don’t want you—in bed or in my entourage. I’ve got a good thing going with the guy I’m with. That’s what I want.” He wanted Niall in every way, but would they last beyond the revelation about his identity?

“Your loss.”

“Aren’t you supposed to want to be with Dex? If you’re getting married?”

“At the end of the summer. I’ve got time to play until then.” Leif sighed. “Then what did you want? I’ve got shit to do.”

“Like extorting me?” He pressed his lips together and let the question linger.

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