Page 52 of Cedarwood Manny

Fear.He couldn’t contain the panic. He didn’t want to be hurt. But he loved Adrien and the family unit they’d created. He didn’t want to invest time in someone who could leave him.Would Adrien do that?

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

“Nathan?” Adrien asked. “Mind if I come in?”

He couldn’t keep Adrien out of his own room. If he did, he’d be no better than Gerry. “Come in.”

“Hi.” Adrien crept into the space. He wore faded jeans and a body-hugging T-shirt. His bare feet peeked out from under the denim. “I’m sorry I pushed.” He stayed in the doorway. “I got excited because of my desire for you and forgot how you might feel. I want to fight for you, but I don’t know how.”

Nathan scrubbed the back of his neck with his palm. He’d screwed everything up. Adrien would walk away because of his fear.Fuck.Adrien had put himself out there and allowed Nathan into a situation with his son. He trusted Nathan beyond him being their manny.

“What do you want me to do?” Adrien asked.

“Sit.” The gravity of the moment weighed on him. He wasn’t thinking about himself any longer.

“Sure,” Adrien murmured. He perched on the edge of the mattress.

Nathan sighed. “I screwed up,” he said. “I’m not good at relationships. I’m the boyfriend type, but I get scared. I look for the ways to blow the twosome up. With the other guys in my past, it wasn’t a big deal. No one expected forever and most weren’t shocked when we split. Then there’s you. I want to be better for you and for Kyle. I know you’ve been hurt and I don’t want to be that guy.”

Adrien nodded, but said nothing. Still, Nathan had his rapt attention.

Nathan continued. “I freaked out because I was thinking about me. My life, my job, my reputation. None of that really matters.”

“It does to you and that’s not bad.”

“It is when I’m dicking you over,” Nathan said. “I let my concerns about my reputation and how I thought about the Coalition would treat me override my feelings for you.”

“How do you feel? Be honest.” Adrien rested his hands on his lap. Sadness filled his eyes. “I can handle it.”

“I love you.” He’d said the words and couldn’t take them back—not that he wanted to.

Adrien didn’t respond. A small smile curled his lips, but he kept quiet.

“I love you and I want to be with you. I don’t want to be the manny. I want to be your partner and help raise Kyle as ours. To be a family.” He straddled Adrien’s lap and gathered Adrien’s hands in his. He needed this closeness. “When I heard you say fired, I flipped out. I didn’t want you to be admitting you love me and to keep me around as the manny or to save me embarrassment. I wanted it to be because you truly love me and you can’t see your life without me.”

“But you denied it because of the imploding thing?”

“Yes.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry. You didn’t push or force. You’ve been a gentleman and are more than I deserve.”

Adrien kissed Nathan’s knuckles. “Then what do you want to do?”

“Be loved.” He rested his forehead against Adrien’s. “To be craved and know you need me as your partner.”

“And in return?”

“I love you. I look forward to when you come home, those stolen moments we kiss and Kyle hasn’t caught us, the nights on the couch as a family…holding you when I sleep. I love you. I can’t see my future without you in it. Do you still have room for me?”

“I do.” Adrien kissed him. “All the way.”

His nerve endings misfired and something broke within him. Tears slipped down his cheeks. For the first time in his life he was accepted. He’d come home.

“Why are you crying?” Adrien held him and chuckled. “I love you. Kyle does. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“I’m happy.” He wiped his face. “I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted because I have you.”

“And it’s only going to get better.”

No doubt.

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