Page 37 of Embracing James

“I need to feed Doob,” James said. He stumbled over his words.

“I have a bowl on the floor for him,” Paul said. “What’s wrong? Don’t you like picnics?”

“I love them, but this is all too much.”And so wonderful.James located the bag of dog food. “You’re too good for me.”

Paul embraced him and stilled his hands. “Are you cheating on me?”

“Are we really together?”

“The last I knew we were,” Paul said. “I don’t sleep with anyone I’m not attracted to. I’m with you because you’re the one I want. No more faking.”

“Paul.” His knees weakened and he sagged into Paul.

“Did you cheat on me?” Paul stroked James’ back. “Just tell me.”

“No, I didn’t. No inclination to, either.” James clung to Paul. “It’s all been too much and I should feed Doob before he gets too restless.”

Paul let go as James dumped food into the bowl. When James sealed the bag and placed it on the counter, Paul slid his arms around him from behind. He rested his chin on James’ shoulder. “Was the day too much?”

“Everything’s been too much.”

Paul led him to the table. “Have a seat. It’ll be okay.”

He sank onto the chair. “Paul.”

“I love hearing you say my name, but I’m concerned. What’s wrong?” He reached across the table and held James’ hand. “Am I coming on too strong? I’m good at that.”

“No.” He sighed. He had to get a hold of himself. “It’s been a day, yeah. I gave up some control to the other stylists, meaning I’m not there on my own, like you saw. It’s good but it’s scary. I guess I’m more of a control freak than I thought.”

“It’ll get easier.”

“I know,” he said. It had to get easier, right? Paul had gone through this. He’d understand. Yet, James felt like he was so alone. Then there were the other things he had to deal with. “But then Ky asked if you were free because he wanted to ask you out and that got under my skin.”

“Wow.”

“Would you rather be with him?” He’d understand if that was the case. He’d be hurt, but he’d understand.

“No. I got the person I want.”

That helped, but it wasn’t enough. “Lance asked me out for drinks.”

“When it rains, it pours.”

“Yes.” He allowed himself to chuckle. “I turned him down.”

“I had no doubts.” Paul rubbed James’ hand. “A lot of things have changed and that bothers you, doesn’t it? The notion those two wanted to get with us isn’t the problem. You’re having a hard time with change.”

“Yes.” Maybe Paul did understand.

“You weren’t happy before but you knew what to expect and now it’s all different. Change drives you nuts.”

“Yes. Exactly.” James nodded. “I have a routine and it was safe.”

“And now? It’s not safe?”

“I have more to lose and it scares me.”

“I get that completely.” Paul smiled. “I want you and I want you to be happy. I hope it’s with me, but I understand if it’s not.”

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