Page 51 of Austen, Edited

Chapter 31

Abby took a deep breath as she stood outside the old home from her childhood. The peeling paint and falling gutter made the place look even worse than she remembered. And with the grass up above her knees, she just had to tell herself she didn’t have to stay long.

She knocked on the door, tossing her hair over her shoulder and straightening her teal blouse. When she heard footsteps coming closer, she raised her head, determined to be strong. There had been so many moments that morning when she’d wished for Greyson to be there with her, to comfort her on the way over. But she wasn’t going to depend on him for the rest of her life. This was something she needed to do for herself: facing her past and knowing she was stronger for it.

The door opened a crack, and Abby’s heart pounded against her chest. “Abigail,” the familiar rasp said. Her grandmother opened the door all the way. “Your mother is waiting for you in the kitchen.” She stepped back, allowing Abby to enter.

The house hadn’t changed at all in the past twelve years, but the stench that had been there before had only grown worse. She did her best to inhale through her mouth, knowing it wouldn’t do any good to show weakness in front of her mother.

Abby stopped at the threshold to the kitchen, able to see her mother sitting on a chair with her back against the wall, eyes closed as she inhaled from a lit cigarette. She looked much older and worn than Abby remembered, and for several seconds she thought about turning around and walking out, saying she’d tried and was done. But the curiosity of why her mother would want to talk to her after all these years kept her rooted to the spot.

Deciding to get it over with, she stepped forward, keeping a neutral expression on her face. “Hey, Mom.”

Her mother opened her eyes and blinked several times before she sat up, jabbing the cigarette into the ashtray. She stood, smiling wide enough to hide her eyes. In a few steps, she was inches from Abby and had wrapped her arms around her.

“Baby girl,” she cooed, causing Abby to tense. Her mother had only called her that a couple of times, usually when things were good for a day or two before the next binge.

She stepped back, keeping her hands on Abby’s shoulders as she looked her up and down. “Well, now, it looks like your aunt has been treating you well. You look all fancy.”

“It’s good to see you out…” She let her voice trail off, not wanting to say the word prison.

“It’s good to be out. I felt like I’d never be able to see the city again. What are you up to these days? Did you get any of my letters?”

Abby thought about the small bundle she kept in her sock drawer. She’d only read the very first letter her mother had sent and it had taken her weeks to build up to reading it. She’d avoided reading the rest, knowing that the more she read them, the more she’d long for the things that could have been.

With a curt nod, she said, “Yes. And as for what I’m doing, I’m working and I’ll graduate from college in the spring.”

“Yeah, I gathered that much from your aunt when I called for your number. It’s in my phone, I just hoped I’d hear from you first.” Instead of anger, her voice conveyed more sadness and disappointment.

“Mom, I couldn’t. There was so much there that I’m still trying to unpack. But because of the fact that you left me time and again to be with a guy or to do other things I prefer not to think about, it’s taken me a long time to get over that abandonment. And I needed to get over it.”

Her mom reached up and touched a piece of hair, moving it out of Abby’s eye. “I know, girl. I shouldn’t have done all that. I was never a good mother to you, and I’m sorry. Now you’re all grown up and I’ve missed that chance.”

Abby turned the words over in her mind, trying to decide how she felt about the confession. “You haven’t lost it completely.” The words surprised even her.

The look on her mother’s face was of relief and excitement. “What do you mean?”

Breathing in, she tried to smile. “I mean that we can maybe start over. We can go to lunch sometime and get to know one another now. Are you sober?” Her voice held more steel on the last sentence than she’d ever heard, but she didn’t want to begin a relationship knowing she’d be left in the dust again. Just like with Greyson.

“I’m sober. Have been since I got locked up.” Her mother stepped back, the corners of her mouth turning down as moisture filled her eyes. It was the first time she’d ever seen humility from her mother.

The stench of the place seemed to move back to her nose, and Abby noticed her grandmother had entered the room, her legs wrapped in bandages, just as they were when she was a kid.

“I’ve got to run and get a paper written, but here’s my number.” She saw a small piece of paper with a pencil sitting next to it on the counter and walked over to write down her cell number. “Just call me, and we’ll figure out when and where.”

Wiping her hands on the sides of her jeans, Abby hesitated, not sure whether to hug or not.

Her mother reached forward, bringing the smell of smoke with her as she hugged her once again. “Thank you for coming,” she said in her ear.

Emotions swept over Abby, and all she could do was nod before turning and walking out the door. The fresh air was refreshing to her lungs, and she breathed in deeply. Something was freeing in the fact that she’d been able to survive a meeting with her mother and grandmother and not yell and curse like she’d imagined dozens of times over the years.

Now she just needed to get back to school and pound out another eight-page paper.

She got into the car she’d borrowed from Tiffany and drove off, grateful to join the rush-hour traffic and have a chance to ponder on everything that happened.

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