Page 44 of Love on the Sidelines

Marsha waves her hands in front of me and takes a deep breath. “You’re ruining a good thing all because you don’t want to get hurt again. Well, let me tell you, love isn’t all roses and bacon,” she says, and it’s hard to keep a straight face on that last word. “Sometimes things are hard, when we want to bicker about every little thing they do wrong. But we show up, we talk it out, and we find a solution to move on.”

“That’s the problem. There are so many people who move on when I feel like I’m standing still.”

“What do you want, Ava? Do you want to be a college coach? Do you want to stay in Oakhaven and keep working at the parks department? There are always more options, but you just have to figure out what you want.”

If I didn’t respect Marsha as much as I do, I’d be furious right now. I’m honestly impressed with her motivational speech. Maybe I should hand the coaching reins over to her from time to time.

“I don’t know.”

“My honest opinion is that I think you want to keep everything the same because it’s safe, predictable. That way you don’t have to worry about everything going back to the way it was before. But what if change is beautiful and good? What if it can make you the happiest you’ve ever been?”

“What if I’ll always be in fear that he’ll leave me? That I won’t be good enough for events or that five years down the road I’ll be divorced?”

Marsha raises her eyebrow. “So you’re thinking about marriage already?”

I wave her off, trying to keep my emotions steady so I don’t break down into tears. “I want to get married someday, Marsha, but how do I get over being abandoned?”

Marsha pulls me in for a hug. I try to keep my emotions in, but my body shudders, trying to release some of the tension.

“You’ve just got to trust and work on it together. Weren’t you a communication major? Use what you learned there and talk through whatever you’re feeling. Did you do that with your ex-boyfriend?”

I think back to my time with Terrell and realize that I just kind of went with the flow for him. He made all the plans, and I just figured that because he had money and then ditched me, that he represented a certain type of male I needed to steer clear of.

But in reality, I didn’t help the situation. Was that why he got bored with me? Because I didn’t oppose him in anything?

Looking back, it was like I was trying to fit into some mold he’d established. And it was probably due to whatever issues I had from being a teen without her parents.

“Oh man, I’ve messed up.”

Marsha nods. “I didn’t want to say anything,” she says with a laugh.

“So how do I fix it?”

She shrugs. “That’s something you’re going to have to figure out.”

23

CHARLIE

“Are you all right, boss?” Paul asks, giving me a slap on the back.

Am I a coward for running back to work after Ava stopped talking to me? Probably, but I don’t really know what to do about it. There’s a lot going on in my career, but all I want to do is to be with Ava.

That’s definitely a first.

“I’ll be fine. Lead the meeting. I’m just sitting in to listen.”

Paul’s surprised expression makes me second-guess even coming in today. I’d told him he had control over several things and here I am, looking like I’m back to micromanaging. What I’m trying to do is get my mind away from thoughts of Ava.

The image of her expression when she overheard me talking about the team will probably be burned into my brain forever. The shock and hurt, the slump of her shoulders as she turned and walked away.

I stand in the doorway, ready to walk into the conference room, and something about it is stifling. I loosen my tie an inch, but that doesn’t help air get to my lungs. Instead of finding a seat, I turn on my heel and head toward my office, needing some time alone.

I’m going to ruin the dream my dad and I had together all because of some woman who’s mad I have money. Well, I kept things from her when she asked me directly. She has a right to be angry.

My phone rings and Emily’s name comes up on the screen. “Hey Emms,” I say, trying to muster a cheerful tone.

“Charlie, where’d you go?” The sound of her voice transports me back to when she was two or three. She’d lost her favorite animal, and I was struggling to find it. It was like there was so much trust there and I’d broken it by not finding it. Now it was the fact I’d abandoned her with almost strangers.

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