Page 35 of (La)Crosse My Heart

I should probably try to keep Clark away with a ten-foot pole, but I find myself more and more at ease around him. I don’t feel like I have to change anything or be someone I’m not. His light teasing is actually kind of fun, too.

Who am I and what happened to the crazy type-A Jessa?

I’m not completely gone, but is this what it’s like when I relax? It’s been so long since I’ve had that luxury.

With Dan, it felt like I was always wound up. I’d be worried about why he wasn’t looking for work, even after borrowing money from me a number of times. Then I’d spend hours putting together the perfect date, hoping that if everything was done exactly how I envisioned it, the spark we’d had at the beginning of our relationship would return. That was more of a subconscious thought than anything.

Each and every time I’d head home disappointed that things weren’t how I wanted them to be.

And yet, yesterday was practically a dumpster fire and I have nothing but good feelings about it.

I’m grateful Clark wasn’t seriously injured when he fell off the monkey bars. That’s probably the last time I should get “real ideas” from the internet about how to get out of a rut.

I’ve probably replayed the scene where I impulsively invited Clark over to watch a show a hundred times. He was kind about saying he had something, which is why I need to keep telling myself he’s not interested in me like that. I shouldn’t be either, but there was a point while I was sitting in the sand that I didn’t care about the consequences of anything.

On the off-chance Clark might be attracted to me, would I give up this job to see where it went?

That’s something I’ll have to think about more deeply, when I’m not trying to track down information about an event that can give Clark some good practice at communicating. I’d imagine there will be a bunch of cameras around as well.

Maybe we should try exposure therapy?

I laugh and shake my head, knowing that buying one camera was a stretch to my budget.

I focus on the notebook in front of me.

After a lot of research, this Play It Forward event sounds like such a great thing, but it would be nice if someone were available to answer questions. I wanted to get things ready so I could prep the team, but it’s been all quiet on the Wasatch Front.

Maybe another call would help? Or should I look for another charity?

It isn’t until around two that afternoon when I get a whirlwind of emails and messages about the Play It Forward event. It’s about time.

I call Clark, waiting for him to answer.

He finally picks up right before his voicemail.

"Hey," he says, his words soft because he's out of breath.

"Hey, are you running?"

He chuckles and says, "Yeah. Well, I just finished. What's up? Are we doing some more princess training?"

"Did you just call yourself a princess?"

"I couldn't come up with another funny line that quickly."

We both laugh, and it feels good to do it so randomly. Just like when we were at the park. Ugh, I can’t keep collecting moments like this.

"No training today. We'll just need to be ready for tomorrow. The event starts at ten in the morning. I’ll send you the address to the park. You'll be meeting a bunch of kids from the community and teaching them a bit about lacrosse." I glance down at the emails and search to make sure my information is correct. "It looks like you'll have the freedom to teach them whatever you want."

"So are we running a practice of sorts? A clinic? What are the people expecting us to do?"

I grit my teeth, wishing I had more information about that. "I'm not sure. This is the least amount of information for any event I've ever been part of. I would think that coming up with a plan with your roomies would be a good idea, though. It's never good when the kids suffer because of lack of communication." I scan one of the emails again and see an apology for the late information. “It sounds like their communications director had her baby early and they weren’t prepared.”

Now I feel bad for being irritated.

"I'll talk to the guys and we'll come up with something."

“Perfect. Let me know what I can help with. There will probably be a few cameras around, and they might need you to do an interview, so prep for that. I’ll be there to help. We can even call your mom beforehand if needed.”

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