Page 42 of (La)Crosse My Heart

He uses his elbow to nudge me. “What’s wrong? You look like you swallowed a sweet pickle.”

I then exaggerate my expression because there isn’t a lot worse than a sweet pickle. It’s got to defy the law of the taste buds, but in a bad way.

"I don't know. It's hard to figure out my place now, you know?"

He turns to look at me more clearly. "What do you mean?"

"Is this the best career for me? I don’t know if I’ll even last here longer than a month."

"Did you not get an offer?" he asks. "I know little about business, but I know contracts. Do you have a contract you signed with the Stockton Group?"

I nod, remembering what I signed. I'd been so excited for any chance to leave my past behind that I didn't go over it with a fine-toothed comb like I typically do.

"Well, look at that and see. Maybe you have the option to stay but in another capacity."

"What do you mean?" I ask, my brain reeling as I'm trying to figure that out.

"Well, is reforming athletes the thing you're most passionate about?"

"I don't think a job has to always be about passion."

Clark bites his bottom lip as he looks at me, as if he's trying to figure out how to steer the conversation.

"You don't have to eat, sleep, and drink the job you're part of, but you want it to be sustainable and has you excited to do it every day. And if this isn't what you want to do, then build what you want while you have this job."

He's speaking facts and I have to remember it's okay to try different things. Which is hard when I've had it so ingrained in my brain to stay the course and finish out everything to the very end. But like my last job and boyfriend, that didn't serve me well.

"So, the question I have for you is what do you see yourself doing in five years?"

I thought I knew. I thought this was the locked-in career for me because I had success a few times. But as I walked around with my camera at the park, getting interviews and working on things for the social media platforms, that was exciting and fun to me. Putting together the poster took longer than I wanted but it filled a creative well I haven't been able to tap into for a long time. Probably since high school.

"Is it weird I love taking pictures and highlighting the players?" I ask, holding my breath for his answer.

He shakes his head. "Why would that be weird? You did an incredible job on the posters. The editing you did was great. I’m sure the it wasn't easy to get it to look like our uniforms."

"But what if I get sick of that, too? What if I switch and it's not everything I want it to be?"

"Then move onto the next thing. Life isn't supposed to be boring and endured. You're supposed to love it, or at least big chunks of it."

I let out a long breath, trying to let his words sink in. There’s so much I need to work on in life, but am I willing to take the leap and try something else, even though I was sure coming out here to work with the athletes would be worth it?

"Just promise me one thing," Clark says, looking at me seriously.

"Yeah, whatever you need."

"Just don't stop until I get through these endorsements."

I laugh and nod. "Absolutely."

"I actually emailed them to see if you could come with me when we have to re-film the spots from before."

Raising my eyebrows, I say, "You want me to come with you?"

His expression melts my insides. "Yeah, I think I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you were there behind the camera."

I nod, trying not to read into that too much. "I think I can make that work."

We go back to watching the movie in silence, the tension between us comfortable.

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