Page 55 of 7 Dirty Lies

It was simpler back then.He’d just said it: we could forget everything else.Here in the real world it was harder to let those other thoughts and feelings go.They clouded something that shouldbeeasy.

“Will you ever be able to forgive me?Or was there one lie too many?”Name, occupation, where I lived.All lies.I hadn’t told him about my parents or what they’d done.Even my hair color was a twist onreality.

I hadn’t even told him how much Ineededhim.

“I’m trying,” he whispered.“At night...when it’s just the two of us?That’s what I want.But I see you during the day and all I can think about is how many days I’ve dreamt about seeingAnnieagain.The artist with a slightly dark spot in her soul, the woman who made me feel again.I hear them call you Lily and it confuses me.It’s like you’re only real when we’realone.”

“I feel the same way,” I whispered back at him.I think it was that pull in two directions that kept us both so confused.The past and the present, the dream and the reality.“You’re grumpy and damn near angry all the time.Until we close the door.And then...then you’re mineagain.”

His mouth crashed down, kissing me, bruising me.His hands gripped my hair even as he held his body firm against mine.“Back then I knew,” he fought to catch his breath, eyes screwed shut, forehead against mine, “I justknewyou needed me and that was enough to erase all the doubts about putting myself out there with a stranger.”He pulled back and looked up at the sky, shaking his head.“Or maybe you never needed me at all.Maybe Iwantedyou to need me.I saw that emptiness and for the life of me I can’t explain what happened...whatIfelt.”

But I knew.He didn’t need to say with words what I’d already seen for myself.Colt was a protector by nature and maybe at first it was a simple instinct to want to shield me, but at some point instinct turned intofeelings.

“Is this more?Or are we just instinctandsex?”

He ever so slowly turned his attention back to me.His eyes raked over my face, drifted over my lips, his hands slid from my hair until his thumbs grazed my cheeks, and, finally, he looked me in the eye.“If we were just raw instinct we wouldn’t be so miserable.If I was just fucking you for fun I wouldn’t be standing outside, holding you like I’m afraid if I let you go you’ll disappearagain.”

Oh god.My chest ached from the weight of the emotions bursting inside.“I don’t want to go anywhere, but I will if I’mhurtingyou.”

“You’re not hurting me.”His thumbs moved over my lips.“Not unless you leave meagain.”

“Then I need to make a confession.”I swallowed down the fear that admitting aneedfelt like weakness.Except how could a need ever be a weakness?It simply was.My feelings for Colt were as simple as the reality that he made me happy.“I need you.I’ve alwaysneededyou.”

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