Page 27 of Go Away, Darling

I turned to walk backward so I could see Berlin as I offered her this one last reassurance. “I’ve never forgotten her. And I never will.”

9

Sneaking out of my own damned house like a teenager

Olivia

Iwas in the middle of daydreaming about Chris teaching Linc how to throw a baseball. When he was done he stood up and winked at me. Then we lived happily ever after.

Yep. I had itbad.

In fact, I was fairly certain I had never had it this bad in my entire life. Not at seventeen when Drew Prescott asked me to prom. Not when Beau Rowland asked me out. Not ever. I wasn’t a happily ever after kind of girl. My parents fought constantly when I was young and had a messy, drama-filled divorce. I knew, first hand, that love could be as constructive as it could be destructive. I never fancied white wedding dresses or an ideal life. I assumed things would be rocky and that the best I could do for myself was to be content in the moment.

Chris Kaine must have some powerful male hormones to do a number like this on me.

“So what have I missed?” My younger sister Summer asked as she sat down across from me with a fresh iced tea.

“Not much. Having Beau closer is so nice for Linc. We’ve had a great summer but I’m more than ready for him to get back to school.”

Summer looked a lot like my twin, but three years younger. Her hair was also dark and long, her skin was ever so slightly more copper than mine, and her brown eyes were also slightly more coppery. Other than that, people used to assume we were twins.

“I feel a disturbance in the force.”

“Is it food poisoning?” I joked.

She scowled at me. “You are smiling like a loon. So either you just produced the greatest photograph of all time or something else is going on.” She dropped her voice down low. “Did you sleep with Beau?”

“God no!” I shuddered even thinking about it. At this point we were essentially brother and sister. Whatever romantic or sexual feelings I had for my ex were gone. I’d say I couldn’t remember feeling that way, but I could. It was more like watching a movie and remembering how you felt the first time you watched it.

“Hmmm. You didn’t go on vacation. Honestly, I’ve never seen you smile like this so I have no idea what’s causing it.”

“Maybe I’m just happy.”

“Maybe,” she agreed. “And I hope that you are. But it would be fun if there was something exciting causing it…”

I studied my sister. The same woman who’d just spent the last hour gushing about her world tour. She told me every (sometimes gross) detail of fame, love, and singing for a year on the road. She shared without reservation.

But this sickly sweet feeling I had every time I thought of Chris was special. Plus, we agreed to keep this quiet while we figured it out. If Berlin was any example of the drama I was in for, then the quieter the better. “This summer has been enlightening. I’ve realized I’ve been living in default mode since the divorce.”

Summer relaxed. “Oh thank god. I was starting to worry.”

“Little sisters aren’t supposed to worry about big sisters.”

“That only applies when we’re kids. As adults we get to worry about each other whenever we want to. Tell me more.”

I huffed as I stared into my lemonade. “Berlin says I put myself on the shelf, and even though I really hated hearing that description of me, I realize she’s right. I have been on the shelf collecting dust. Afraid to change too much since so much had already changed.”

“But has it?” She set her tea down. “I’m not trying to be confrontational or anything, but you and Beau had been living separate lives for a long time. I love the guy, but I never thought he wastheguy foryou.”

I thought back on the time leading up to learning Linc would be part of our lives, how I was ready to let our marriage go until that pregnancy test came back positive. And while Beau was attentive and excited, we never found a way to make us both happy. Summer was right.

“I feel like I’ve upset you,” Summer hedged. “I love you.”

“I love you too. And I’m not upset. I’m...thinking.”

“While you think, I’m going to make lunch. Sandwiches?”

I nodded my agreement, already lost in my thoughts. “Why didn’t you think Beau was the right man for me?”

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