Page 66 of Tempt

“Mind if I have one of those?”

He tossed back the rest of his glass and then poured us each a drink. I didn’t particularly like whiskey straight—even what I was sure was very good, very expensive whiskey—but I didn’t mind slowly sipping it with Theo.

There was a darkness in him that I’d never seen before. I suspected it was there, but hadn’t had a chance to get to know it yet. Everything about him was different from the cold, glazed look in his eyes to the stiff way he moved.

I waited until he’d finished his second glass before I spoke. “Tell me about it.”

His eyes slid over to me. “About what?”

My heart beat a little faster in my chest because I knew Theo wasn’t going to like what I had to say. “About your lost years. That’s what you’re thinking about right now, isn’t?” He was a million miles away, and not a bit happy about it. There was really only one place his mind could be.

“You don’t want to know about that, darlin’.” He shook his head and took another sip.

“Actually, I do.” If it had this much of a hold on him, if he could slip away from me like this, then yeah…I wanted to know it all.

He set the glass down on the end table and glared at me. “No, you don’t. You know how I know? BecauseIdon’t want to know about it. So why the fuck would Ieversubject anyone else to that shit?”

I swallowed down my nerves. Theo was angry, and for once, he was angry at me. I studied the glass in my hands while I searched for the exact words I needed to say. “You think the only way you can escape those things is to start over fresh where no one knows anything about it, and you have no ties back to it. You think telling me will ruin what we have and keep you tied to the past you want to forget. But you’re wrong, Theo. Doing that will only keep it tied to you. You’ll never be free of it.”

His cheeks flushed red and he fisted his hand on the arm of the chair. I expected him to yell, but he didn’t. Instead he spoke in a very low, deep, careful voice—and that was almost scarier. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He’d like to think that. It would certainly make things easier on him if I knew nothing and he knew everything. The king of his pain. But he was wrong. “You know, most people only fall partly in love. They never truly give all of themselves over to someone else to be loved completely and unconditionally.” I shook my head and took a sip of liquid courage. “I’m not one of those people. I made a promise to myself that I’d never accept half of someone’s heart and I’d never do myself the disservice of only giving half of mine.” I looked up, but Theo was staring at the wall, not at me.

His jaw flexed and he gritted his teeth. “What are you saying?” He still didn’t look at me, and that broke my heart a little. He was trying so hard to put up a wall between us, even if that hurt me in the process. I knew he thought it was safer to push me away than let me get any closer.

“I’m saying I can’t do this half way. You either let me love all of you, or none of you.”

He glanced at me for a second—uncertainty and doubt written all over his face. “There’s nothing to be gained by digging that shit up. Not for either of us.”

“I’mlivingin this shit right now. Keeping it from me—like it will somehow protect me—is bullshit.”

“What do you want to know?” he yelled, throwing his hands up in frustration before raking his hands through his hair. “What? That I’ve taken anything and everything that would let me feel numb? That I don’t know how many women I’ve slept with? Perhaps you’re more interested in what I’ve done with these?” he held up his bruised knuckles. “Cuz I gotta tell ya, Allison… that’s just the easy shit to talk about.”

He was so angry, and I understood why. I was the one causing him pain by forcing him to stop and look at all the things he was ignoring. But it had to be done. He’d never be free of this until he accepted it and let it go.

“You think I don’t understand that?” I said as calmly as I could muster. “How naïve do you think I am? What am I to you? The pretty little rich girl whose never had to lift a finger in her life? I’m too detached from reality to understand that your semi-charmed life wasn’t as perfect as you’d hoped it would be?” Oh yeah…that made him really angry. He stared at the wall for a long time, his face red and the muscles in his neck strained almost as hard as the vein that was throbbing at his throat.

But I had to give it to him, he definitely had control.

“Theo, I’m not an idiot. You joined up with Dan when you were fifteen. Those aren’t exactly easy years to be out there with access to that kind of stuff. I understand that.”

He turned his head and his eyes bored a hole right through me. “You have no idea. Ihatemyself for the things I did.”

But I didn’t hate him. Not even a little bit. I could never hate him for that. But he wasn’t going to hear me, no matter what I said.

I needed to get through to him, and there was only one way I knew how—to shock the hell out of him.

I set my glass down and scooted to the edge of the seat where I could lean my elbows on my knees. “You don’t think I know you fucked, what? Dozens? Hundreds? Of women in those years?” I shrugged and shook my head. “The number doesn’t matter. You know why? Because you didn’t care.” I was taking a chance with all of this. I honestly didn’t know if I was right. Theo could have been madly in love once but I was willing to bet that I was close to the truth. “They were just somewhere to stick your cock and feel better for a few minutes. They weren’t people, they were an escape. They didn’t have names or faces—and neither did you. But me? Youloveme. I know you do. You look me in the eye when I come, every time. You memorize each and every one of my orgasms.You will never forget me.The women you fucked in the past don’t matter, and neither does anything else.” I stood up so I could look down on Theo and drive my point home. “I just want to know you and everything that haunts you because Iloveyou. All of you. You can push me away if it eases your conscience, but I’m not going anywhere.”

And then I walked out of the room before we started screaming at each other, because I swear to god if Theo tried to fight me on this, I was going to show him exactly how much I understood.

Chapter 24

The only thing scarier than admitting to my boss that I’d been blatantly lying to her for months, was the time I had to tell my dad I got a D in AP Chemistry (Yes, I realize I’m a nerd.) And, quite frankly, I wasn’t entirely sure which one was worse. Margaret had a way of making me feel sixteen all over again.

After our little late night tiff, Theo had come to bed much sweeter and heck of a lot more normal. He said he understood what I was saying and that he would find a way to tell me everything I wanted to know, but that I needed to be patient.

I realized Rome wasn’t built in a day and decided his promise was enough. For now. But I also tortured him by getting dressed in my sexiest stockings that morning. Of course, torture involved putting them on as seductively as possible, then slipping into one of his favorite dresses and high heels.

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