Page 47 of Kiss Me, Darling

I crept to the edge of the deck and stood completely still as I scanned the gate. The sound was gone but I hoped if I waited long enough it would start up again.

Tap, tap, tap.

I just barely caught sight of something moving just beyond the gate. I pulled out my phone and zoomed the camera in, but all it picked up was movement. So I of course decided it would be best if I got closer.

Closer and closer, one step at a time, trying to make no noise and as little movement as possible, until I was right at the gate. I peered through the gap between the gate and the column.

And what do you know? There was Charlie the iguana, and he wasmad.Head bobbing, tail twitching, mad. And what was he mad at? The mirror. The bubble kind that people put at the end of driveways to see oncoming traffic. Only this one also housed the camera and motion detector.

Charlie’s tail twitches made one of the clicking sounds I was hearing, and the other was, well, Charlie attacking his own reflection. I called Lucy.

“Good morning,” she yawned. “Where did you go?”

“I’m out front. Can you do me a favor? When you’re dressed, can you tell the new security team that we have an iguana problem?”

“What?” she laughed. I heard her begin moving around.

“You remember when I told you about Charlie? He likes to roam our street and right now he’s in front of our driveway and he’s very angry at the mirror.”

“I’m heading down now.” I listened as she went down the stairs and found Volk and explained the situation.

“Tell him Charlie keeps hitting the mirror, so it jogged the camera loose. It’s starting to dangle out.”

She repeated it to Volk. And then Volk’s reply put ice in my veins. “That’s not where the camera is. The camera is on the gate.”

I stood up and began examining the gate until I found both the camera and the motion detector. “Then what’s in the mirror?” It was definitely a camera. I was kind of an expert when it came to that sort of thing.

“A clue?” Volk said in the background. “I’m coming out.”

A clue? Meaning maybe this was from our stalker? Charlie took notice of my arrival and sauntered over to give me a once over. And let me be clear. Charlie was no small iguana. He was as big as Ben’s dog, Sheba, but with shorter legs and a longer tail. He was kind of terrifyingly huge. Especially when he was angry.

Volk came up behind me, his eyes rounding as they fell on Charlie. “Do you know how to handle an iguana?”

“Not even a little bit.”

“How are we going to get past him?”

I called Chris, who called Trent, and now half the block was outside the gate. Trent brought a head of lettuce to try and seduce Charlie away from the driveway, but at this point the iguana was angry and confused by the audience. He had no interest in a meal.

“I just need to get the camera,” Volk muttered.

“Why don’t you slip through the gate and just...grab it?” Lucy asked. “Charlie seems pretty preoccupied by things at the moment.”

Volk muttered a bunch under his breath.

“I’ll go with you. Between the two of us we can get the mirror down with the camera, and probably not get eaten by Charlie.” Who’d have thought it would end up being the benevolent neighborhood iguana, and not the vicious combination of angry possum and armadillo that ended up being our stumbling block?

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll both go,” Volk finally agreed.

Lucy promised to stay behind. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere near him.” She shuddered.

I kissed her quickly then followed Volk through the small walking gate we normally used to slip over to Olivia’s. Charlie ignored us so Trent and a couple other neighbors tried to keep his attention on them. We used hand gestures instead of words because we didn’t want to alert Charlie. I wound up holding a screwdriver then screws, followed by a security camera.

Then we both hightailed it back through the gate. “We got it!” I yelled over the top. “We can leave Charlie alone now!”

Trent gave me a wave. “Hopefully he’ll calm down once he’s alone. Good luck y’all. Let us know if you need anything.”

“Thanks for your help everyone!” I tried to wave to each of them.

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