Page 5 of Kiss Me, Darling

Lucy watched my new morning routine of yoga and meditation before a run and workout with mild fascination and quite a large amount of skepticism. I didn’t blame her. I must seem like an alien. I’m not so sure I would trust such a radical change at face value either.

“No, she wants to see everyone. Chris left about twenty pounds of fish in the fridge. I’ll cook.” I had never eaten so much seafood in my life, but I really enjoyed the change of pace. Instead of famous chefs presenting me with fancy meals, my brother brought it right out of the Gulf, fresh and somehow more real, if that makes any sense. Which it probably doesn’t. I found I was getting alotmore philosophical and borderline weird these days.

“Text the group a time and we’ll be there.” He wiped his hands clean and glanced around. “How areyou?”

It would be so easy for my brothers to ignore me. Say I made all my own problems and to leave them out of it. But they didn’t. They stood by me while I self-destructed. They offered advice when it made sense and left me alone the rest of the time.

“Better than I’ve been in a long time. Maybe ever.”

His eyebrow popped up. “Lucy forgave you?”

I laughed long and hard. “Oh hell no. I’ve got to find some way to show her things are different.” Words wouldn’t cut it. Words were meaningless. Lucy needed and deserved actions. Physical, tangible proof I would never doubt our relationship again.

“How long is she here?”

“A week.” It would have to be enough.

He grimaced. “Good luck. She loves you and I know you love her, so I have to believe it will work out.”

It gave me a little more hope to hear Ben say that. “Thanks, man. You need any more help?”

“Yep. I’ve got to assemble one more shelf on the last bookcase and then we can move it in.”

Perfect. While Ben worked I would take a hammock break. I thought a lot in that hammock this summer. The combination of the sound of waves, the breeze through the palm fronds, and bright blue sky allowed my mind to wander, to really think about the past and the future. Even though I probably looked like a bum to Ben and Chris, I was actually hard at work on myself.

So I retreated to my cocoon now strung up between two towering coconut palms. It was about five feet off the ground even when I was in it. It kept kids from climbing in and I was plenty tall enough to get in and out without difficulty.

Okay, one time I basically launched myself like an Angry Bird across the lawn, but I was half asleep and misjudged the wind of an incoming afternoon thunderstorm. Other than that embarrassing incident, the hammock was perfect. I climbed in, folded my hands behind my head, and looked up at the puffy white clouds building in the sky. By mid afternoon they’d multiply and start turning grey on the bottom. A couple of hours later they’d explode in a quick but fierce storm of wind, rain, and lightning.

That’s what my summer was like. After years of ignoring it, my life turned grey and then whipped up into a torrential thunderstorm. Now that the storm was past, everything about me was fresh and new. The sky was blue again.

I really liked it here. Not just Chris, Olivia, and London’s respective homes, but the whole island. Here I wasn’t a movie star. I was Scott. I was Ben and Chris’s brother. Friends of the Andersons and Saldana sisters. I knew Annie at the paint store and old Jim at the auto shop. I could walk around without wondering if someone was suddenly going to shriek my name and start hyperventilating.

I got it. A movie or character makes youfeel. Maybe it even changes you. And thenbamthat very person is standing a few feet away. You freak out. It’s natural. I didn’t blame any of them. It’s just that it also scares the crap out of me. You shriek, I freak. Again, it’s only natural. But that constant level of awareness, the regular shots of adrenaline...it’s a lot for the body and mind.

“Wow! What a spot!”

I jumped in surprise, my heart rate skyrocketing, the hammock beneath me tilting. I knew it was Lucy. Her voice was as familiar as my own at this point. But since I was just thinking about how nice it was tonotbe surprised, it was even more of a surprise.

“Whoa! Sorry!” She reached out and helped to steady the hammock before I flipped over.

“No, it’s fine. How...how did you find me?”

She tilted her head back toward the house. “We knew you were over here helping so we stopped on the way back. Ben told me where to find you.”

“We” would be her bodyguards Esther and Joe. Neither of us were supposed to go anywhere without them because of the whole stalker situation, but since I was just going from one house to the other, they agreed to stick with Lucy.

Things between us had been a mix so far this morning. We were together for almost four years, so it was awkward to not kiss and sleep in the same bed. She was understandably mad at me, but also kind and curious. Basically, shit was weird and it probably would be for a few days. Maybe the whole week.

But the fact that she came to see me gave me hope. It meant she wasn’t so mad at me that she was avoiding me. And that was the most Lucy thing of all. She wanted answers more than she wanted to prove a point.

Because she could. She was absolutely within her rights to punish me, give me the silent treatment. I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t speak to me the whole week and then left without a word.

“It’s so pretty back here. No wonder you spend all your time here. I would too. Especially if I was thinking.”

It made me feel a hundred times more guilty for leaving. She understood. She understoodme.If I’d stayed we could have worked on things. But no. In this case I knew I wouldn’t find the answers I needed when the future I wanted was sitting there waiting for me to catch up already.

As much as I hated it, I had to leave. I needed this break.

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