Page 15 of Bastard

I shrugged. “Sometimes. I try not to be.”

She spun back to the game, folding her arms over her chest and slumping down in the seat. “That’s the problem though. Good people don’t live in the mud. They don’t spend part of every day with criminals.”

She had a point. I might not need to make so many right-and-wrong calls if I didn’t live the life I led. “That’s a nice way of thinking. Let’s solve all the world’s problems by telling everyone to just stop being in tough situations. Let’s just wish all the bad people away.”

Hazel’s jaw thrust forward. “So now I’m an elitist?”

“No. Not at all. You want the best for Sam. You probably want the best for everyone. That’s great. But you can’t wish it into existence. The reality is that I didn’t choose to work for Devil’s Wrath. I didn’t choose this lifestyle. And Sam didn’t choose to be born into a powerful family that has enemies that want her dead. What is the right or good way you want me to fix this? Because if you have ideas, I’m all ears. Seriously.” I spent damn near a decade getting this plan to where it is now. It was the only solution I could find, but my ego wasn’t so big that I wouldn’t entertain another viable option.

I just didn’t believe it existed.

Hazel stared at the entire inning. Well, to be fair, she probably didn’t see any of it. Her brain was too busy to take in the game too.

After the inning ended she sat up and turned back to me. “I’m fucking brilliant. I can pull data out of the dark like a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat. Sam’s that good too.” Her eyes darted down and to the right.

I had a feeling she wasn’t done speaking so I waited.

And waited.

Until finally, “I don’t have an answer. And neither does she…so that leads me to believe…if there is an answer…it’s fucking hard to find.” She glanced up and looked me in the eyes for the first time. She searched them, a lot of emotions flying over her face. “You have to keep doing the rightest thing. And the goodest when you can.”

“I am.”

“Are you with Sam because you love her or are you with Sam because she’s the dream you always wanted.”

That hit like a fist to my jaw. Sudden. Unexpected. Painful. Of course I’d wondered. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Sam. So yeah, I checked myself. Made sure my mind and body were here. In the present. Not a boy dreaming of a better life and pasting Sam on top of it. “Aren’t you the one that helped push us together?”

“I am. And at the time it felt right. You two vibe and had history. She needed support. But things have changed since then.”

“Are you saying we don’t vibe any more?” I had a sudden urge to scratch my neck, to make the doubts go away.

“No. No I’m not. I just watched the two of you flirt over baseball bases. Clearly you still vibe. I just…she’s an heiress and you’re an outlaw. And nothing makes sense anymore.”

I felt Hazel’s pain. Her frustration. She wanted good and bad to make sense again. She wanted an easy friendship with her best friend. I wanted that too. “Well you see, that’s the thing. It’s all an illusion. Sometimes we think life is easy. We wake up, we go to work, we’re nice to our friends and family. We eat dinner and go to bed. But is it really easy? Or are there a thousand things all flying around and some of them are bad? A friend has a secret she doesn’t feel safe talking about? The homeless man you walk past? The woman crying in her car because she just lost everything? Sometimes we’re lucky enough to pick a filter and only see the good things. Doesn’t mean the bad aren’t there.”

I leaned over, being as silly as I could without being ridiculous, until I caught her gaze. “And really, what makes more sense than having an outlaw around an heiress in danger? You might not always agree with the choices I make, but I can promise you I’m always trying to make the rightest ones.”

And then to my complete surprise, Hazel took my hand in hers and half smiled at me. “Okay.”

7

“Leave the light off,” I growled when Sam reached for the light switch inside the bathroom. There was a glow around the door from the suite. Plenty of light.

Besides, I wanted the dark. Less for my brain to filter through after all this thinking and feeling. For a minute or two, I wanted to just be with Sam.

“Having fun?” She wove her hands around the back of my neck. It tickled when she fiddled with my hair.

“A fuck ton.”

“Even with Hazel?” She sighed when I nuzzled her cheek.

Our bodies pressed together from head to knees, my hands on her hips, holding her to me. Her skin was soft and each touch made my brain fuzzy for a moment. “Yes, even with Hazel. I think we have a truce.”

Sam relaxed. I didn’t even realize how rigid she was until just then. “Well that’s good news. Maybe she’ll talk to me again.”

“I’m sorry.” I pressed my lips against her cheek, behind her ear, her throat.

“She makes me out to be the devil. Or at least that I made a deal with the devil.”

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