Page 32 of Sweet Spot

“It’s probably Bear’s fault. They’ve always looked up to him. But Wes is blunt. He says everything he thinks. Put the two of them together? This team is an open book and they care a hell of a lot about each other.”

They called Erik Papa Bear because of how he fathered them all. And even though I was older than him, it seemed that extended to me as well.

I didn’t hate it.

But I also didn’t like the idea of love. I loved Rosie. I loved my family. That word meant something very special to me. I never even said it to Amanda. I didn’t know why it bothered me the way the guys threw the word around, but it did.

I was still grumbling about it all after the game. It was Rosie’s bedtime so I called her first.

“Hi Daddy!” She moved so much I could barely register her face. Then she jumped into her bed and finally held still so I could see her smile.

It unlocked something in my chest and I could finally breathe again. “How’s my girl?”

“Good! I had to do fractions today,” she groaned, “but then there was a mix-up at lunch and I got to eat pizza!”

I wanted to be a kid again. The worst part of my day was fractions and the highlight was pizza. “Well, I had a good day too. One of my pitchers is looking really good and I think he’s going to make the opening day roster. It’ll be his first.” I couldn’t wait until I got to tell him.

“Can I bring Lolo this weekend?”

Lolo, or Lauren Lopez, was Rosie’s current best friend. “Of course. Ask Megan to clear it with Lolo’s parents.”

“Awesome blossom. Will you read to me?”

On the later nights we read. On the earlier nights we played video games. Tonight was a later night. So I read two chapters of The Lightning Thief—with voices and acting out one of the scenes—before saying goodnight.

There was always a pit in my stomach after I set the phone aside. Part of it was loneliness. I hated being alone. Even having Everett in the other bedroom wasn’t enough to squash it down. The other part was worry. There were so many variables and I couldn’t control most of them. That was the part I hated. Especially when it came to Rosie. I couldn’t guarantee she’d like her new school or that she’d find new friends. I couldn’t guarantee her happiness.

And that pissed me the fuck off. It didn’t matter how illogical it all was. No one could guarantee happiness, I knew that, but I wanted it all the same. Normally I pushed away things I couldn’t control. That went for everything: jobs, people, things. If I couldn’t see how it played out, it got chucked into the garbage pile. That’s what was so hard about coming back to baseball. I left it for a reason. Nothing had changed except I wasn’t on the field any longer. The game was still the game.

And then there was Kate. Maybe I usually burned through relationships because I knew how that ended. Meet someone, experience the thrill of it all, move on. Rinse and repeat. It meant not getting too attached to anyone, which most people probably thought was a commitment issue, but really it was comforting to know the relationship would inevitably end. I didn’t have to wonder if it was love or like, if it was forever or for a while, if I would get blindsided one day. Fast relationships were thrilling and the break was clean.

Dr. Kate James was another story. She was under my skin. We hadn’t kissed or even gone on a date, and yet she gave me the same excitement as my hottest relationship in its steamiest days by just existing. That wasn’t love like the guys suggested during practice. It was infatuation.

Just infatuation.

The barrier between us only added to the excitement. One day her job would be done, we’d finally, properly go on some dates, and burn through our desires like normal. Then she could go her way and I’d go mine. Like always.

Everything inside me, everything that felt out of place, clicked back where it was supposed to be. Rosie would be fine and Kate would eventually be a fling like all the others.

My phone started ringing and I picked it up on instinct and habit, grinning like a fool. “Good evening, Doc.” I caught my reflection and the panic came right back. I did not grin over women. I did not act a fool over feelings. And yet the proof stared right back at me.

Fuck.

“Good evening to you, Cap.”

“Not you, too.” I found myself settling back against the pillows, wanting to be comfortable as I pictured her doing the same. It was like I had no control over my own damn body when it came to her. It did things I didn’t want it to do.

She laughed. Soft and musical. I liked it. “Everyone is calling you the captain now. Everyone. Marketing is already working on logos and promotional items. I think they’re planning a pirate night just for you. Don’t be surprised if there’s a special edition bobblehead with you wearing a black pirate hat in the near future.”

I groaned. I had a bobblehead once. Never thought it would happen again. “I can’t believe this is sticking.”

“The best nicknames are the ones you didn’t see coming.”

“Is that your professional opinion?” I sank deeper and deeper into this other person I became when Kate was around. I forgot who I was and everything I’d been thinking only a few moments ago. She took up all the space and I had to rise to the occasion and match her.

“No. Just my personal observation. My favorites are the ones that don’t make any sense except to the people involved.”

I closed my eyes, relaxing. Her voice had the ability to make me release all my tension. “Give me an example.”

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