Page 34 of The Wedding Cake
“I’m sorry. I’ll reimburse you – and Mam and Dad.” Tim flicked his gaze across them all, trying hard not to absorb the guilt now he’d officially changed his M.O. He remembered the Bucks Fizz was still in his system. It was now or never. He looked his sister up and down before he said something he should have said a while ago; something that would get her back right up but something that simply couldn’t wait a second longer. “Brittany, it’s high time you saw our parents and did your bit. You might live in another country and you might have a busy and successful career, but it shouldn’t take the excitement of a wedding for you to come over to see Mam and Dad. I hope this is the start of more effort on your part. Neither of us can count on Andy, so both of us should be doing our bit to check in on them. Not that you’re about to go into a retirement home or anything, don’t worry,” Tim added, glancing sideways at his parents, guilt momentarily licking at him for being so blunt and direct in front of them.
“Flaming cheek,” said his mam, half laughing, half snivelling.
“Listen, this is a happy occasion really,” Tim tried his best to reassure them. “I want you to stay here for the time being and enjoy the food and the atmosphere. It’s not every day any of us get to be in such lavish surroundings.”
“Well, I’ve been to a few posh mansions in the Hamptons…”
“Oh, ay.” Brian cut through his daughter’s boast. “I’ve heard the rumours about the music mogul with the high-waisted trousers that this pad used to belong to!” A tiny smile lit up his father’s face and Tim tried to tamp down the annoying theme song to the guy’s reality TV music shows, which had just struck up in his head.
“All will be fine, I promise. Eat, drink and be merry.” Tim hoped they really were coming around and the sparse smiles weren’t just the figment of his imagination. “I’ll be back to talk to you properly in a while. There’s something I have to do right now.”
By the time Tim had batted away his family’s protests at being told half a story when they deserved the full version of events, and by the time he’d reached the cake-cutting area, Piper was nowhere to be seen. Hannah and Ricky were packing up their bits and pieces to leave, and Ricky’s face was thunder as Mervyn continued to hang around Hannah like a bad smell. Surely he should have been overseeing the catering, the photography, or the flower arrangements, in his VIP role of wedding planner?
“Hannah! I’m glad I caught you,” said Tim, doubling over to catch his breath, such was the vast extent of the property’s gardens. “I take it the cake didn’t fly off the swing then?”
“What?” she replied curtly, barely giving him a glance. “No. No, it didn’t fly. Although it did go down a storm.” Hannah chucked more kitchen paraphernalia in the box that Ricky was currently guarding like a gorilla daddy. Tim wasn’t the only one who needed a drink, then. “Piper went for the Yacon syrup wedges, thank goodness,” she continued as she rifled through the culinary odds and ends, and Tim marvelled at the sheer amount of equipment needed to fulfil his ex’s random wish. “FOM has to think about future potential clients, and, well… erm… can you imagine how off-putting it would be if one of the guests bit into the disappointing Yacon syrup part? We’re more than happy to accommodate food intolerances and special requests, but we need to be ever mindful of our mainstream clientele… that’s why I might have looked like I was overreacting back then.” She laughed nervously. “What I mean to say is, if somebody tasted a piece of the healthy side of the sponge, they’d probably think we’d made it from cardboard… whereas to a clean eater like Piper who has weaned herself off the white stuff, doesn’t have a very sweet tooth, and doesn’t even allow herself a drop of fizz on her wedding day, it probably tasted like heaven.”
“It’s okay, Hannah,” Tim cut in, “you don’t need to explain yourself. I can only imagine what a nightmare it’s been. I was there at the taste test when my ex’s stipulations were relayed to Freya, remember? Oh, and actually clean eaters can drink alcohol. If there’s one thing about Piper, it’s that she loves a tipple.”
“C-can they really? And does she? W-well, you learn something new every day. Ha, oh, yes, you were there, weren’t you?” Hannah replied robotically.
“So where is Piper now? Don’t tell me she’s comatose from the glycaemic hit?”
“W-why would she be?” Hannah replied anxiously, once again avoiding all eye contact. “Yacon syrup might have a slightly caramel flavour but it’s half as sweet as honey and is extremely low on the…”
But she didn't finish her sentence. A massive splash and a scream reverberated throughout the gardens. Everybody’s attention turned to the infinity pool, where, like a comet, Tim spotted the tail end of his ex’s wedding dress and her long wavy hair in flight, a giant piece of cake held aloft in her hand as if Piper thought that might somehow preserve its structure as she broke the water’s surface.
Tim, Ricky, and even Mervyn, rushed across the lawn to the scene. Thankfully Fergus and a couple of the security guards were on top of things already, hauling the soaking-wet bride out of the pool as if they’d just caught a bedraggled mermaid. Piper gulped for air like a fish. What a state. In a sense, Tim couldn’t help but feel responsible, until he remembered that he was done with guilt and people-pleasing. She’d created this scene all by herself.
“Shitting hell. This is the last thing Freya needs!” said Hannah, rushing along behind them all. Tim refused to look at the surge of gadgets videoing the situation that she was no doubt referring to.
“Stand back and put those blessed mobile phones and cameras down!” shouted Fergus. “Enough is enough. Is nothing in this world private anymore?”
Wow. Tim might give Fergus the benefit of the doubt after that retort, which sounded a lot like his own thoughts over the previous months. Perhaps there was hope for his daughter yet. Maybe she would spend some time with her new love reflecting on the importance of keeping something back for herself. Everybody peeled away at the father of the bride’s command. Even Mervyn retreated several paces, although unfortunately not into the pool.
Piper was conscious at least, but she didn’t half look sleepy. The sudden volume of sugar must have been like a drug. Fergus and one of the security guards carried her into the villa. Tim watched on, stunned that most of the wedding guests (now they’d been told to put their screens away) were completely engrossed in flirting with one another, getting wasted on all the free booze, and generally chomping their way through the beautiful wedding cake, since they were famished and the caterers’ plans were now on hold.
“I suppose she’s necked a couple of glasses of champagne by now too,” he said to himself. “That would only make the sugar hit of the wedding cake worse… and then she’d be buoyed up from the adrenaline of the ceremony… Still, something doesn’t quite add up.” Tim thought of the chefs, waiters and sommeliers who would be working to a tight deadline, not to mention that photographer they visited in February, who was an absolute pro. He definitely wouldn’t be happy about being delayed for the garden shots. Piper might have been frazzled but she was also far too good at donning her business opportunity face and cracking on with things. “Just look at all the people waiting to celebrate with her, and, more to the point, waiting to make her extremely famous,” Tim aired his thoughts to one of the villa’s naked statues. “Why would she go off for a nana nap at such a crucial moment in time?” He shook his head in disbelief.
“I’m a flaming liability,” he swore he heard Hannah whisper behind him.
“What? What is it?” He turned in her direction.
“I… I. Nothing. I just need to double-check that I’ve packed the edible glue.” Hannah looked completely dazed. Far too dazed for such a trivial matter. “Freya’s not got much of it in stock and I erm… I used quite a bit to secure the cake to the swing at its base.”
“Okay, well I guess I ought to make sure Piper’s definitely going to be okay before I leave. Now the ceremony is over, and she seems genuinely happy, me and my family and the boys will be moving on. Not that I have much of a Plan B. Just a little hope in my heart.” Tim wasn’t too enthralled by the prospect of tiptoeing around Fergus to say his farewell – although at least Piper’s mum was spellbound in chit-chat with Noah and his friends. Hmm, the apple really didn’t fall too far from the tree.
“She’s asleep, Tim. It’s time to focus on yourself for once,” said Hannah with a shaky voice and a mechanical smile.
No, Hannah’s reaction wasn’t right. It didn’t make sense. And another thing was bugging Tim too. But until he knew Piper was physically fine, that concern would have to go on the backburner.
“Tell me about it,” Mervyn chanced to interject, just when Tim hoped they’d gotten rid of him. “There’s something rather fishy going on here. You know as well as I do, Hannah, Piper went at that cake like a baby at one of those hideous modern day cake smashes. She became sleepy mere minutes after eating it. She was what can only be described asstaggering about.”
He positioned himself before the table, where Hannah was still going like the clappers arranging all her utensils, his hand cupped to his chin, and his sparkly walking stick denting the formerly pristine lawn.
“Oh, piss off you dafty. She was capitalising on the drama, that’s all.” Ricky spat. “No offence, Tim.”
“None taken,” Tim replied, since Ricky was probably right.
