Page 35 of The Wedding Cake
“Everybody else ate the cake and they’re all perfectly fine.” Ricky turned back to Tim again. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Don’t underestimate the after effects of adrenaline. She’s had a massive shock. One she obviously had coming to her, but that’s by the by. And it is four pm on a blazing hot Spanish August afternoon. That’s siesta time in these parts. I definitely saw her necking the champagne as it was circulating too. No wonder the poor lass is tired.”
“You’re right,” Tim agreed. Ricky certainly hadn’t heard his earlier thoughts, even if he had softly voiced them. It couldn’t just be a coincidence that their thinking was so aligned. “In that case, I’d better leave her to it and take Hannah to one side for a quick word, if I may?”
“Hannah’s her own woman. You don’t need to ask me for permission,” said Ricky, giving Mervyn the evils as he tried to follow along to eavesdrop on their conversation, and swiftly thought better of it.
“Hmph. That’s it. I’m done.” Mervyn wrinkled his nose and eyeballed Ricky. “First I have the embarrassment of witnessing my bride and groom make a complete mockery of me, then nobody thinks to cut me a slice of cake, and now I have to endure the glares of the world’s campest bully. Just look at the state of you, Ricky. That hair really wouldn’t look out of place in a French portrait gallery – overlooking the lurid green.”
“I couldn’t ask for a greater compliment,” snapped Ricky.
Mervyn snarled. “Give me a predictable bridezilla moaning about the rain any day of the week. You lot are the pits. I’m retiring.”
“Chippety-chop, off you pop,” said Hannah, giving Mervyn a round of applause as he sauntered off to count his millions. “It’s well overdue.”
“Right,” said Tim. “Now we’ve hopefully seen the last of him, I’ve got something to ask you: where can I find Freya? Oh, and before I forget… it seems that Piper had one further trick up her sleeve prior to us not saying ‘I do’... It’s suddenly dawned on me that the Rob she got the message from earlier owed her a couple of favours. Piper’s set him up with a glut of endorsement opportunities this year. Putting two and two together, and recalling the way I saw him dressed just before the ceremony, I’d wager this mission of his was to seize the other half of the cake. She was that narked about it, I’m almost certain she sent Rob over to snatch it.”
Hannah didn’t stopto answer Tim’s question about Freya. Her thoughts turned immediately to the Alice, River and their guests’ safety in the finca at Mijas. She grabbed her own box of tricks, tugged at Ricky’s shirt and told Tim she’d explain all in the van.
“Oh my God. Why didn’t you mention your suspicions sooner? Say a speedy goodbye to your family and friends, Tim. Ricky and I can’t possibly deal with this situation alone. Now you’re a gooseberry at what was your own wedding, you’ll have to come with us to another. If your hunch is right, your ex may have potentially wrecked Alice and River’s day. It’s our duty to catch this guy before things escalate and we need to call the police! Ultimately, this is all Mervyn’s doing, of course. All of the double-booking is on him. I’d wring his neck if he hadn’t had the sense to disappear on cue!”
Tim surveyed the guests. He saw that his parents, Brittany, and the lads were having a whale of a time and decided to leave them to it. He couldn’t bear hearing at second hand about the potential fallout from yet another wedding mishap for Freya. Hannah was right. They had a duty to try to spare any further heartache and the clock was ticking. In a roundabout way, this stupid situation was as much Tim’s fault as Mervyn’s: if Tim had only had the guts to call the wedding off sooner, none of this would have happened. By trying to please people and fulfil his parents’ expectations, he’d created a heap of unwanted trouble for another bride and groom and their guests. The ripple effect was an eye-opener and he vowed never to pacify others again.
Hannah, Ricky and Tim furtively made their way to the villa’s sweeping driveway, the exhaust fumes of Mervyn’s Jaguar still visible at the imposing double gates. After a further tip-off from the villa’s security guards that a guy who looked like a fixer from a gangster movie had indeed been hired by Piper to retrieve the other half of the wedding cake, the trio sped off to Mijas in the quaint FOM van. Hannah messaged Alice en route, cringing at Ricky’s snail’s pace behind the wheel as they finally left the motorway and made their way inland to the tiny village next to Mijas. When she could take it no longer, she made Ricky pull over so they could swap seats, instructing him to watch her mobile phone like a hawk for news.
The conversation was sparse, nerves palpably jangled. Tim shivered in the back of the air-conditioned van, which had been heavenly for all of ten minutes in the wake of the afternoon heat, but had now rendered him an ice block. He didn’t dare interrupt Hannah’s focus to ask where the off switch was. At least the chattering of his teeth took his mind off the thoughts bouncing around his head.
“Something’s just come in. I think Alice has sent a WhatsApp voice memo,” Ricky finally cried.
“Turn up the volume and press play!” Hannah shouted. “We’re almost there in any case but fingers crossed all of this is nothing but a false alarm.”
“Give me a minute, will you? How many tabs have you got open on your phone, love? I’ve got some random pie chart on the screen here now. Pharmacodynamic interaction? You are one mysterious wom—”
“Never mind that! Just press play,” Hannah squealed.
“Oh, him?” Alice’s southern lilt rang out around the van. “Please don’t worry, Hannah. We’ve locked the idiot in the finca’s bell tower and his limbs are bound. He’s been fed and watered though. We couldn’t bring ourselves to go too medieval on him. Luckily we got our wedding photos taken up there first but the drone has also captured some classic shots of my head bridesmaid, Hayley, putting Rob in a headlock when he tried to escape. The photographer said he wished every wedding was this exciting!”
A flurry of deep sighs echoed around the vehicle.
“It’s still our job to deal with him,” said Hannah as Ricky pressed the record button so she could send back a message. “No matter how dangerous and messy things get. The least we can do is take him back to Piper’s villa and see if the security staff have any ideas on how best to handle this. Keep him where he is and don’t take your eye off him.”
ALICE
Word about the status of the Marbella wedding wended its way back to Alice via a speed of light WhatsApp voice memo from Hannah. Even Hayley was speechless.
“Wow,” said River, wincing. “Talk about carnage.”
“That’s one way of putting it.” Alice couldn’t help but feel guilty that things had runsomewhat more smoothlyfor them and their guests. “I think the ex-groom and the cake makers will need a long drink once they get here. Bruno and Zara, are you ready to make some Bellinis?”
“Coming right up!” Zara replied for the both of them, and set to chopping more fruit.
Before long, every single one of Alice and River’s family and friends had heard the sorry tale of the unconventional celebrations further down the coast. Hayley, predictably, hadn’t been able to keep her trap shut for long, and although Alice wouldn’t dream of laughing at anybody’s expense, some of the versions of the story doing the wedding party rounds made that impossible. They ranged from:
“The groom ran off with a super-fit guy on a yacht who’s taking him on a round the world trip with his pug,” to “The bride was caught in the act with the wedding planner and a chef in the kitchen… plus an array of exotic fruits: make of that what you will,” and “The bride married cardboard cut-outs of all the former members of One Direction, but she’s decided she will mostly be living with Harry Styles since he’s the best looking. The others are going to be relegated to her garage for occasional use.”
Speaking of the gossip-in-chief, Hayley alerted everybody to the fact that their unexpected visitors had just arrived, and Alice and River rushed to the finca’s entrance to welcome them, their own guests following behind like a flock of sheep, until River pulled a scary face and chased them all back into the garden. The last thing these poor people needed was rubberneckers.
“We really don’t want to impose,” said Hannah, rushing in to give Alice and River a kiss on the cheeks and congratulate them. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for such a terrifying ordeal. First the headache of the cake needing to be shared… and now this. We shuddered at the sight of the tower when we approached the finca. Lead us to the steps and we’ll take the tyke off your hands.”
“It’s fine,” said Alice. “And there’s absolutely no rush. He can’t go anywhere. We tried to call Mervyn but to no avail. Luckily we were able to improvise.”
