Page 34 of Throwing Fire

I sink my hands into her robe. It really is very luxe; I might have to steal a couple before we go. Adjust her so she’s cradled against me. “I’m listenin’, kitten. And you know I’ll never judge you.”

She sighs. “I know. Telling you should be easy. But it’s not.” I hold her close, listen to her snuffle into my robe, and let her continue in her own time. “I was with a boy then. Renn. One of Liv’s friends. He was nice. It was a beach party, and I knew it was on a NoBo beach, but Renn said it wasn’t a NoBo party. My friend Tesha was going, too, so I thought it was safe. But I shouldn’t have gone. Liv told me not to go, but I was angry with her over something. I don’t even remember what it was. Something stupid. Anyway, I didn’t listen.”

Kez is quiet for a moment, and I wonder about the weight of guilt pressing on her. I can already guess how things ended for Renn, and maybe Tesha, since I haven’t met either of them, and Kez has made an effort to introduce me to every other street-rat on Kuseros. What I can’t connect yet is how Kez’s decision to go to a party ended in her friends’ deaths.

“The party was fun. There was free clyro and Renn brought some bulbs of Two that we were drinking. Everyone was dancing. Tesh’s boyfriend Wallis wanted to go night-surfing, which is crazy off Ykimo. If the orclas don’t get you, the reef will. I wouldn’t go, so Renn and Tesh stayed on the beach with me while Wallis and his friends went out. I don’t remember which of us took off our clothesfirst. Probably me. We weren’t wearing much to start with. A couple of the girls took off their clothes and we were all dancing in a circle—” Kez lifts her head and looks up at me. “You know that moment, when everything goes wrong? You can feel it coming but you can’t do anything to stop it?”

I stroke her back. “Yeah, I know that moment.” Very intimately.

“That was the moment I realized I couldn’t see Renn anymore. And that there was a ring of guys I didn’t know standing around us. I knew we were in trouble. I tried to pull Tesh away. She was drunk. She fell down and one of the guys picked her up. He dragged her out of the circle. He had her by the throat. He was choking her and I went after him. He hit me and I fell down, and then there were all these hands on me. Holding me down. I started screaming for Renn. I could hear Tesha screaming. But I couldn’t see her. There were all these guys on me. One of them... got between my legs. He was going to ... you know. But all of a sudden, he stopped. I heard someone say, ‘I’m first.’ The guy who was between my legs got up and kicked me and walked away. I could see J-nox walking toward me, opening his pants. Another NoBo was following him, dragging Renn. They’d beat him until... I only knew it was him because of the eagle tattoo on his chest. I could still hear Tesha screaming. She was screaming ‘stop, stop’ and I knew what they were doing to her.”

The first of the tears spills. I wipe it away with my thumb.

“I’ve never been so scared,” she says. “Not ever. Not even when we were facing off with Mister Tyng. I felt like I couldn’t move. All I could do was watch Jaxon come towards me. I knew what he was going to do. I could see it happening in my head. It was like I was above myself, looking down. And then I – I snapped. Have you ever snapped?” she asks in a whisper.

“Yeah, I’ve snapped, kitten.”

“I didn’t have anything. I didn’t wear monofilament in my hair then. I didn’t even have my clothes. But the guy who had my right arm wasn’t holding it down. He had it kind of loose, up near his face. When Jaxon got in front of me, I grabbed the guy’s nose. Shoved myfingers up—” She holds out her hand and curves her first and middle finger to demonstrate. “And yanked as hard as I could. I didn’t know what would happen, if it would even hurt him ... it was like, it was like his whole face split open. Blood came out ... like a fountain.” I don’t show any surprise, to keep from interrupting the flow of her story, but pulling a nose apart ain’t a strike I was ever taught. Not even during the dirtiest hand-to-hand training. Maybe they didn’t bother ‘cause most men’s fingers are too big to shove through someone’s sinuses. “Jaxon grabbed my leg, but I kicked him in the balls and he let me go. I could have gotten away then, but I was so mad. I wanted to kill them all. I grabbed the guy who had been holding my other arm. I headbutted him and then grabbed his head and-and-and I dug my thumbs into his eyes. I don’t know why I did that. I’d never done anything like it before. I had blood all over me and I was screaming and the NoBos began backing away. I could see Tesha, still under one of them. She was looking at me. Her eyes were open and her head was turned to the side and she was looking at me while this asshole kept raping her ... and then I was on top of him and I was grabbing his head to pull him off her and I felt his neck snap. Like a stick. It was so ... fragile.”

It probably wasn’t. Kez is describing hysterical strength. I’ve heard about it but never seen it. SAWL was all about sustained performance; hysterical strength taps out after a few minutes, so my trainers weren’t interested in it, other than as a cautionary tale. For a girl like Kez to suddenly exhibit such strength, it must have surprised the hell out of her attackers.

And Kez. She’ll never understand how she was able to do the things she did, even if I gave her a medical explanation. All she’ll know is that she killed several people and still wasn’t able to save her friends.

“He fell, and I kind of got tangled up with him. He was heavy and I couldn’t push him off me. I felt like he weighed a million kilos. J-nox started walking toward me again. He had the top I’d worn and he was stuffing it into a bulb of Two. He looked at me the wholetime he lit it. Shook it to make sure it caught. While I was trying to scramble out from under the guy I’d killed. I saw his arm go back just as I got free. I started to run down the beach, waving my arms because I could see Wallis and his friends walking in from where they’d been surfing.”

She closes her eyes, and tears pulse down her cheeks. “It didn’t feel hot. It felt like someone punched me in the back. I fell and there was this sound. Thiswhush. Like when thepoilight. I didn’t know what it was. I tried to stand up and my hair fell over my shoulders and it was burning. That’s when I realized that sound was me. I was on fire.”

I kiss away her tears this time.

“Wallis and his friends pulled me into the water. The doctors said they saved my life. But they were too late for Renn and Tesha. Or the three other guys ... I killed them, Hale.”

She’s silent for a moment, and I let her have that silence. See where she takes it. She clears her throat. “One of them ... his mother came to visit me while I was in the tank. She sat with me every day for about a week. She showed me pictures of him when he was a kid. Told me stories. He was going to be a hover-engineer. He had a steady girl and they were trying for a baby.” Kez wipes her hand over her face. “She wanted me cubed for life, but C.P. said it was self-defense.”

“She should be shot.” I might shoot her myself.

“She had these holotattoos on the side of her face. A bunch of falling stars. Her son had the same tats. I saw them when I was trying to push him off me. Her son who was so cute when he was a kid ... he raped and strangled my friend.”

“Kitten.” I hug her tight. “What happened to Jaxon?”

“Six months on ice. Grievous bodily harm. They wouldn’t charge him with attempted murder because every NoBo on the beach swore I’d started the fight.” She gives a weak laugh. “I guess, in a way, I did.”

I cup her nape, pull her close so I can touch her forehead to mine.Look into the single, watery blue eye that stares back at me. “You did the only thing you could. Sometimes there’s no good way out, kitten. You take the only door open to you.”

“I could have run. I didn’t have to kill Jepps or Starfish.”

Starfish? His mother should be shot just for naming him that. “Could you have lived with that? Leavin’ your friend there?”

She squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head. “Liv says that’s the only thing I did right.”

Liv also needs shooting. Couldn’t anyone have comforted my kitten? I tuck Kez’s face into my neck. Cuddle her and wipe her cheeks with the collar of her plush robe. “That’s what this asshole’s got against you? He tried to rape you, and you got away so he nuked your back? I’da thought you were even.”

Kez shakes her head against my collar. “He’s the David of the NoBos. I killed three of his boys. He says I owe him three lives. Blood debt.”

“How many NoBos you think there are?”

Kez shrugs. “Less than fifty, I’d guess. C.P. comes down pretty hard on any crew larger than that.”

I can kill fifty. Maybe not all in one go. Or maybe in one go if I fit theInfinitywith a couple of rockets. Tempting.

---