Page 35 of Throwing Fire

I stroke Kez’s flushed, tear-smeared cheek. My kitten does many things well, but crying is not one of them. Neither is letting go.

“I’m gonna say somethin’ now, and I want you to think of this every time you remember Renn and Tesha. Every time to you think of Starfish and his fuckin’ mother. Every time you wake up at night. I want you to say these three words to yourself. You listenin’?”

“Yes,” she whispers.

“‘Not my fault.’ I want you to repeat those three words to yourself?—”

“It was—” she starts to protest.

“Not your fault, Kez. You should be able to dance naked on any beach you want. Without bein’ afraid of a bunch of psychos. Without your guy gettin’ beat to death so he couldn’t protect you.” That’s notthe world I’ve lived in, maybe it’s not the world Kez has lived in, but that’s the world as it should be. It’s the world as I’ll make it for her. “There’s nothin’ you will ever say to convince me that the mistake of goin’ to the wrong party or takin’ your clothes off or dancin’ or whatever else it is you think you did wrong – none of those things justify what happened to you. The NoBos are a bunch of vicious twists. They saw some vulnerable girls and they did what vicious twists do. None of that is on you, kitten.”

“If I hadn’t?—”

“Been a girl? Been born? ‘Cause that’s all that woulda spared your friends, and maybe not even that. Coulda happened without you there. They were goin’ to the party anyway.”

Kez shakes her head mutely.

“Repeat those three words for me, Kez.”

“I love you,” she whispers.

I cup her face in my hand and kiss her. Those ain’t the three words I asked for, but I’ll take those, too. She doesn’t say those three words often. Neither do I. When we do, it means something. She’s acknowledging what I’m trying to do. That I’m trying to help. When it sounds like no one else has.

I hold her for a long time. While our drinks go cold in their cups. While Kuseros’s binary star rises in the blue-green sky. While my thighs fall asleep. Finally, I have to evict her, but not before I make her look at me and say the three words I asked for. When she’s able to say them like she means them, I let her go.

CHAPTER 14

Idrag her into the shower with me, which is a whole separate room the size of most private cubes.

The tile’s warm underfoot and, when I touch it, so are the walls. Since I won’t be pushing her up against cold tile, I lift Kez against one wall. Since my dick’s too sore for another round, I bring her with my fingers and mouth. The sex relaxes both of us, and when we’re done, I wrap Kez in warm, fluffy towels, carry her to the bed and tickle her until we’re both dry.

While we’re dressing, I tap up our messages on the flexypane wall. Scan through them. Message from Chiara to confirm she hasn’t had any trouble; Bradley and Hithen are on her detail today. Good, that’s one less thing to worry about. Eleven fucking messages from Myhre. She’s killing me. I scan them. She’s come to the same conclusion I have about Mike, although resentment shines through every word of her report. That makes me smile a little.

She’s also found the connection I suspected between Mara and Chiara’s cousin. That message ends with a request that the rest of Chiara’s extended family be placed under house arrest. I press my thumb to the flexypane to authorize that action. I’ll ship themto the Core System when I get back. I’ve had enough of placating fucking Tyngs.

The last message is Myhre passing on a plex from Exeter, Mike’s boss. I route that one to my ship for later. Doubt it’ll be anything other than an apology and that’s one less thing I need to deal with this morning.

While I’ve been going through Myhre’s interminable messages, Kez has been plexing her friend Jale. She’s nodding to herself as she reads Jale’s responses, which I take as a good sign.

“Your friend happy to talk to the other breaks?” I ask.

“Yeah, no problem. She says she’s pretty sure all but one break will side with the Deep Whites. Not much love for the Founders among them.”

“Good.” I tap up the last message, which is a response to the message I had the ‘bot send to Payton. It’s just an address.

“That’s where I met Kimpler, that one time,” Kez says, reading the code.

“How many years ago was that?” I ask, watching her pull an entire wardrobe out of her backpack. “How many nights were you plannin’ to be away, kitten?”

She rolls her eyes. “Eight and one. Just because you wear the same thing every day.” She trails off pointedly.

I open my other bag, the one I didn’t fill with sex toys, and pull out the change of clothes I brought. My usual black fatigues, sure, ‘cause they’re comfortable and hold my knives. But I’ve also brought another of her creations. A kemwar-patterned vest that crosses over my stomach and falls to mid-thigh. Good for concealing the hilts on my belt.

Kez snorts. “You’re just showing off now.”

“Yup. What you got?”

She’s already pulled on a white unisuit, but it’s obvious something goes over it. Or something better go over it, since I can see her nipples and the dark cleft between her thighs pretty fucking clearly. Since she doesn’t mind me showing off my nipples in public, I shouldprobably be all right with her showing off hers. But I’m not. What’s mine is mine and no one else gets to ogle it.

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