Page 19 of Hollywood Crush

“Thing is,” Tudor whispered as he led me out into the hall and past Marjorie’s room. “You don’t even know if that exercise gear is all that good. You might find after a walk out on the mountain that it’s shit.”

“I might…”

“But you’re happy to shill it out to hundreds of thousands of potentially young and impressionable fans? A bit gross, to be honest.”

“Hollywood was built on artifice,” I countered as we headed down the stairs. “Marilyn Monroe had a fake name, Pamela had fake boobs. Now we sell products we’ve hardly touched to put food in our bellies.”

“That’s…sad,” said Tudor. “I like the real Daniel Ellison. I’m glad I get to see him. IthinkI get to see him.”

“Things aren’t so black and white,” I said.

Tudor led me out to the van. The few paparazzi who had stuck out weeks of filming to snap photos usually waited just down the road, on the boundary that Tudor had clearly marked as his private land, so I ducked my head until Tudor signalled with a tap on my thigh that we had passed them.

I continued. “Yes, I put on a show for people. It’s my job. But don’t we all? You can go on and on about being your authentic self, and that’sadmirable. But you’ll be a different person around your friends, your family, me. You’re always real. But you’re not always the sameyou. We all change based on our surroundings…I just happen to be more of a chameleon than most. I try my best to impress everyone I meet, because that could be the difference between a successful acting career and…”

“And being stuck running a cheap hotel in the middle of nowhere for the rest of your life? I get you.” I worried I had offended Tudor but when I looked over he was smiling as he looked out to the road. “I just…I don’t want you to try with me. Soon enough, you’ll be out of Hiraeth and back to your crazy world of film marketing, martinis and cocaine as a meal starter. For now, with me, just be asyouas you can be.”

“I’ll try,” I said. Truth was, sometimes I struggled to find the real Daniel Ellison under all the glitz and glamour and hard work. What did I do to switch off in the evenings? Read movie scripts and promote whatever banal brand Sandra sent my way. Had it not been for Tudor, I’d have spent my day off in my room with no-one but my phone for company.

I rested my head again the window, much as I had when Sandra had brought me here for the first time. It wasn’t raining, but the fog was low today and restricted my vision more than fifty metres either way. It felt oppressive and gloomy, much as I had imagined rural Wales to be when I first got thejob offer.

Tudor turned up the radio and hummed under his breath at an old 90s tune. I looked over at him. His eyes were fixed on the road and he was entirely in his own world. He was a ray of sunshine on this cloudy day, and I felt the joy through him. He glanced over at me, just for a second, and I felt my cheeks heat. I had no idea how I was going to keep this thing casual.

“You OK?” he asked. “We’re almost there.”

“All good here,” I replied. Tudor pulled into a little gravel car park and turned off the engine. He hopped out with all the excitement of a puppy. “This way,” he said and marched off into the fog. I hurried to follow him.

“Bit of a gloomy day to hike, isn’t it?” I said as I caught up.

“That’s whatyouthink,” replied Tudor.

“No, it is. It is objectively foggy. You can’t pretend the day is sunny and bright when it’s not.”

“You’re an actor,” he said. “Act.”

“Oh, it’s so sunny I can’t see! Let me get out my sunglasses.” I pulled out an imaginary set of sunglasses and set them on my nose. “Oh, there we go. Much better.”

“It’s a wonder you’ve never won an Emmy.”

“Hey, I was nominated.” It was a slightly sore subject with Sandra, but I didn’t let on.

It seemed to be getting brighter as we walked higher, and soon I was puffing and wheezing eventhough Tudor seemed to be coping absolutely fine.

“Dazzles millions with his smile, abs of steel and Calvin Klein campaigns and he can’t even walk up a hill?” Tudor muttered.

“Cardio doesn’t get me roles. Muscles do.”

“Roles, roles, roles. Is that all there is?”

“Not right now,” I said. I grabbed Tudor’s hand and he practically dragged me forward and upward.

“I promise it’ll be worth it,” he said.

“Sure, Jan.”

Tudor laughed and gripped my hand tighter. I hadn’t seen anyone around for ages, so it felt nice to be able to hold him without any fear of other people’s opinions or my own intrusive thoughts getting in the way. Walking the cold and foggy mountain where no-one could possibly see us felt lovely. Though now I noticed I could see a lot further and the sun was more than just a slightly brighter spot in the fog. It was actually getting difficult to look up, the sky was so bright.

“Not much further,” said Tudor encouragingly. “Almost there.”

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