Page 24 of Hollywood Crush

“Sorry…” Patrick looked around, then quite pointedly at me and Mam. “Can we talk in private?”

“I’ll leave you to it.” I said. I kept the customer service smile on for as long as I could as I grabbed Patrick’s room key and put it down on the counter near them both.

“Mr Ryan’s room is next to yours,” I said to Daniel. “I’m sure you’ll be able to show him the way.”

I did my best not toflounceout of reception but by the sound of the door slamming the mahogany panelling behind me, I seemed to have failed. I headed down the corridor, past my room and the gym to the greenhouse. With the door closed behind me and a quick look around to make sure no film crew had gotten lost or decided to explore this side of the hotel, I let myself go.

“Fuck!” I shouted. “Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!”

The door creaked open and Mam popped her head in. “Are you done, or shall I come back?” she asked with anI-told-you-sosmile.

“Depends if you’re here to gloat,” I asked. I looked around the room, which had changed a little in the last week or so. Talking to Daniel about my plans for the place had given me the kick up thearse to put my plans in motion and I had carefully set up planters around the edges of the room in the week afterwards. Onions, garlic, green beans and cauliflower grew in each of them, green chutes already poking through on some as I’d bought seedlings. In large pots in all four corners of the room were dwarf fruit trees, two apple and two plum.

This was my happy place, and I knew it would help me calm down.

“I thought…” I started, but didn’t know how to finish. Or how I possibly could. I picked up the little brush I used to cross-pollinate my trees, I had a great idea for a crumble I could make with both the apples and the plums. I imagined a packed restaurant filled with punters, and picking fruits and vegetables in front of them to make their meals. It would be the dream.

Calmer now, I picked up a watering can from the corner, filled it from an old brass tap sticking out of the wall and started to talk. “I don’t know what I thought,” I admitted. “I just...I didn’t ask much. I know I’m not special. But it was nice for a second to have a little slice of what other people have.”

“And you could, lovely boy.” Mam was sitting on the edge of one of the planters and it was taking all of my willpower not to tell her to move, but I watered around her. “But why choose the most unattainable man in the world?”

“I don’t know, Mam. I didn’t choose. He droppedinto my lap and of course I took the chance. Why wouldn’t I? It started out as a bit of fun but…”

“But you developed feelings for him. Who wouldn’t? Especially if he canacthis way into bed.”

I knew Mam was looking out for me. I knew she was trying to help. But she was twisting the knife with every word.

“All I’m saying,” she said, “is that you couldn’t possibly tie him down. He’d have left one day and this rude awakening would have happened then.”

“I didn’t want forever,” I said to her as I put the can down with a clang, calm mood all but evaporated. “I just wanted now.”

“I know, love. Sorry.” Mam stood up to give me a hug. The door opened again, and we both looked up. Daniel stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets and an apologetic, sheepish expression on his face.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Mam said. She squeezed my shoulder and walked out, seemingly accidentally elbowing one of our highest profile guests on her way out. “Sorry,” she said to Daniel with a curtsey.

“Can I talk to you?” Daniel asked.

“Depends. I have a watering can and I’m not afraid to use it.” Daniel looked crestfallen, and it was hard for me to stay annoyed. Maybe it was me who’d stepped over a line in getting so emotionally invested.

“What happened there, I had no idea it was going to happen. Patrick and I…we’re not a thing.”

‘Well you certainly looked like a thing,” I replied. My annoyance was rising again. My emotions were all over the place, and I didn’t know how to feel.

“See…thing is…oh, fuck. I really don’t know how to explain this.” Daniel scratched at the back of his head and took a step further into the room. I picked up the watering can and weakly brandished it.

“Not another step,” I said. “You’re not getting in my head or in my pants.”

Daniel looked at me, the watering can, my defensive stance, and laughed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I just never imagined this being my life.”

“Yeah, well, me neither.” I put the watering can back down.

“Look. Patrick and I are not a thing. Never have been, and if I have my way, never will be. But the status quo on promotion has changed, apparently. Patrick’s manager thinks that us…appearing together could be beneficial for promoting the new film coming up. And could do good things for our careers. They’re talking about Golden Globes for Patrick, and apparently a secret budding relationship between us will give us points with the Hollywood Foreign Press.”

“Don’t you get sick of being so false?” I asked. “Doesn’t faking your way through life get fucking tiring?”

“Yes, of course it does. But that’s my life, and I have to suck it up. Authenticity doesn’t pay the bills and you know that as well as I do.” Daniel seemedto have shifted from apologetic to annoyed and I didn’t care. I wanted him as riled as I had been now.

“God, it must be miserable,” I said. “Youmust be miserable.”

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