Page 12 of Save Me

She laughs wickedly, and I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yes. I promise I’ll bring him with me the next time I visit.” I peek at Ashley who has a guarded look on his face. I would gladly bring him home in a heartbeat if it wouldn’t endanger him or my parents. They would love him. “You two will get along famously. But really, I have to go, Ma. I love you. Give my love to Da and please tell him I’m sorry for the enormous phone bill. I’ll pay him back.”

“Alright, Jamie. Love you too.” I hang up before she can ask me anything else and set the phone on the counter.

“Your mother?” Ashley grins and comes fully into the kitchen.

“Yeah. I wanted to let them know I was here, so they didn’t come up to check on the place. That’s the last thing we need.” I fiddle with the phone, and Ashley nods at me encouragingly. “But my mother started talking about driving out to visit with me, and when she wouldn’t take no for an answer, I had to give her some reason not to. That’s about when you came downstairs.”

“So, your mother thinks we’re…?”

I glance over, trying to read his face. “Together. Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve never brought anyone here before. She figured it was special circumstances, which I suppose it is, just not that kind of special. But this way, it won’t be that bad if she slips and tells someone we’re here. Should the cartel be looking into your prior contacts, this story will draw less attention. My son is having a romantic getaway with his new boyfriend, is less conspicuous than my son is being secretive about someone he’s taken to the family cabin and doesn’t want any of us around.”

Ashley’s eyes sparkle and his lips quirk in that way that makes me want to lick them. “Well, good thing you warned them off. It would be awful for you if they appear, and you have to feign interest in me. All the hand holding, and furtive looks we’d have to share. You might even have to kiss me and wouldn’t that be awkward.”

No. No, it wouldn’t. It would be amazing. We lock eyes, neither saying a word, and the silence stretches out. Now all I want to do is touch him, lace our fingers together, bring his hand to my lips, kiss his palm, his wrist, the inside of his elbow; work my way along his neck until our lips meet in a gentle kiss. Tension thrums under my skin. I’m so tired of being unsure about what is or isn’t between us. Without thinking, I lean into his space, willing him to meet me halfway. My heart races as he sways toward me, eyes locked on my mouth. He parts his lips and I hold my breath. Then he blinks. “I thought phones were a no-no here.”

The words are like a slap, jarring me back into reality. Heat rushes up my neck as I realize what I’m doing. Obviously, I’m reading too much into things. I need to get a hold of myself. I scramble to give him an intelligent answer, even though my brain is protesting the sudden change in focus. “It uses satellite signals to route calls instead of cell towers. There aren’t many towers in this area and cell reception is very spotty. Ma wanted a sure way to contact emergency services if one of us needed help. The government can trace SAT calls, but the cartel wouldn’t have access, so it’s safe for us to use. Expensive, but safe. That five-minute call probably cost thirty bucks.”

“Ouch.”

I nod in agreement. “Alright, my turn to shower. I’ll be back down in a bit.” I head for the stairs, squeezing his shoulder on the way by, brushing my fingertips along the soft skin of his neck. I really need to get my head on straight. “Hope you left me some hot water.”

When I glance back, Ashley is looking at me a bit like a deer in headlights. He brings his hand up to his neck where I touched him and he bites his lower lip, but nods vigorously. “Lots of hot water left. I needed the cold to wake up. That bed is amazing.” He sounds a bit stunned.

Okay, I did not imagine that reaction. I didn’t. I can’t stop my grin as I pause on the bottom step. “It couldn’t possibly have been your lack of sleep. Or it could be the lake. The water always seems to make me sleep more soundly.” Ashley’s watching me intently now, like he’s looking for something, or reassessing me. Then he gives me a quick nod and a genuine smile, and my insides melt even more. He smiles so rarely, but when he does, it’s the most beautiful thing. “Okay. Shower time. Poke around, see what’s what. I’ll be down in about fifteen minutes.”

I hurry up the steps and dart into my bedroom, taking a moment to breathe and center myself. Between the phone call with my mother and whatever is or isn’t happening between Ashley and me, the last fifteen minutes have been incredibly nerve wracking. I pull my fingers through my hair and groan. This is such a bad situation, and it’s going to blow up on me, I can tell.

I should keep a professional distance from Ashley and give up this ridiculous infatuation with him. But I won’t do that, because I’m weak. I’ve never been as connected with anyone as I am with Ashley, and it hasn’t lessened over time. I’m tired of feeling like I let him slip through my hands, and we missed an opportunity for something significant. The part of me that wants to encourage whatever might be developing between us, even if he’ll have to leave at the end of whatever time we have, is slowly winning out over the sensible part of me that knows there’s no way for this to work and heartache is the only end possible. It doesn’t matter. I need to know.

I grab a pair of clean boxer briefs, khaki shorts, and a white T-shirt and slide open the door to the bathroom. It still smells like coconut from Ashley’s shampoo or body wash, and I take a moment and inhale deeply. Yeah, I definitely need to do something about this situation if I’ve been reduced to sniffing the guy’s body wash. I turn on the cold water and step under the spray, letting the shock keep my mind on task and my shower short.

When I get downstairs, I find him outside, sitting on the porch swing. The sun is reflecting off the surface of the lake, and there’s a gentle breeze which ruffles my still damp hair and sends little ripples across the water.

It crosses my mind that he’s being reckless by sitting outside, but the likelihood of the cartel knowing where we are is incredibly small. I settle next to him on the swing and smile, keeping my eyes on the lake and opening myself up to the peace of the place, letting it seep into my bones. “Hey.”

He turns sideways in the swing, setting his feet on the seat next to me, not quite touching my thigh. I’m still incredibly aware of their proximity and it makes my skin heat. “Hey, yourself.”

We sit quietly for a few minutes, Ashley watching me almost expectantly, like he’s waiting for me to do something. And oh, I want to do several somethings. But I ignore the urge. “You hungry?”

Ashley hesitates momentarily, like he can tell the moment is slipping away. “Famished.”

I will my body to stay relaxed and my voice steady, even though my heart is hammering in my chest. “Steak and potato wedges sound alright? It’s quick and simple, but tasty.”

“You’re cooking, right?” He looks up at me and his eyes lock onto mine. As if it had been lying dormant, waiting for an opportunity, the electricity springs up between us again, making my body tingle.

I swallow hard and nod, trying to force sound out of my tight chest. “Yeah.” I shake my head to clear it. “Of course. How about I start it now? You can pour the wine.”

The absolute joy on his face, and the way he shoots straight up, makes me burst out laughing, though I’m disappointed it puts distance between us. “We have wine?”

I gesture toward the house. “Why don’t you go see. It’s in the last cupboard on the right near the coolers.” Ashley looks at me, eyebrows raised, like I’m joking, but he gets to his feet.

As he hurries past me, he slides his fingers along my shoulder, mirroring how I touched him earlier. I swear there’s an actual physical jolt that passes between us, and a tangible loss as his hand falls away. I watch him as he pads along the porch to search for the wine, and I follow him into the kitchen like I’m pulled by a string. When he opens the cupboard holding the wine, the shock on his face as he reviews the wine selections I’ve made has me grinning from ear to ear.

“I wasn’t sure what kind you liked, other than the Sangiovese.” I hover over his shoulder, anxious to know what he thinks. And let’s be real. I want to be as close to him as I can get. “There’s a 2018 Harenae Sangiovese, a 2005 Bodega Catena Zapata Malbec, a 2013 B Cellars Cab and a 2014 Domaine Vacheron L’Enclos des Remparts Sauv Blanc.” I chuckle as he flinches a bit. “I’ve probably just butchered most of the names, but they’re all supposed to be good.”

He turns his head toward me, and when our eyes meet, it’s like that switch has been thrown again, and the electric tension crackles back to life. “You remembered.”

I lean closer, unable to resist his pull. “Of course I did.” I want to tell him I remember everything about our time together.

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