Page 15 of Save Me

He is completely focused on me, and his attention is dangerously compelling. We stare at each other for almost a full minute, but I just can’t do that to him. It would be leading him on, because I’m not ready to leave my family behind. Better that he doesn’t know. “Do you like the potatoes?”

He blinks several times. “Oh. Well, I haven’t tried them yet.” He slowly picks up his fork and spears a potato wedge, taking a bite. He chews, then swallows, still looking a bit stunned. “They’re good. I like them. Thank you for making dinner, Jamie. I appreciate it.”

I nod and shove a whole potato wedge into my mouth, effectively making it impossible to speak. The rest of the meal is spent in silence, barely peppered with innocuous small talk, and by the time dinner is done, my energy is drained. We clear the table, and Ashley dries the dishes as I wash them, but he can’t stifle his yawns. I take the dish towel from him. “Ash, you’re dead on your feet. Why don’t you go to sleep?”

He nods and leans against the counter. “I promise I’ll be more helpful tomorrow. I’m really not completely useless.”

I frown. “I never said you were.” I’m not sure he hears me over another loud yawn. I get an old-fashioned oil lamp out of the cupboard, light it, and hand it to him, making sure he has a firm grip on it before I let go. I turn him around and point him toward the stairs. “You’re not completely useless. Now go get some sleep. I’ll just make sure everything is put away and I’m headed upstairs myself. It’s been a long day for both of us.”

“Alright.” He hesitates for a moment, like he wants to ask me something, but I’m suddenly too tired to handle any more of the emotional roller coaster. I pretend I don’t see and turn toward the back door. I hear him sigh. “Night, Jamie.”

I give him a quick glance and a wave and head out the door. “Good night, Ash. Sleep well.” I double-check that the grill is off and straighten the chairs and then head inside, eager for my pillow and hopefully some restful sleep.

* * *

Ash

I open my eyes, instantly awake. The floorboards near the sitting area creak, and I know someone is in the room with me. My heart hammers wildly, and the panic is all-consuming. I lie quietly, trying not to breathe too loudly, or irregularly so they think I’m still asleep. Another floorboard creaks on the other side of the bed and I start to sweat. There are two of them. How do I fight off two of them? I want to turn my head to see, but don’t. I try to think of what I can use as a weapon, but the only thing that comes to mind is the oil lamp. The mattress dips and I try to sit up as a weight holds me down, pressing the comforter against my face, cutting off my air. I lash out, heart beating wildly as I flail my arms and legs in a desperate attempt to throw my attacker off, but I’m pinned too securely. Panic overwhelms me, and I can’t breathe. I try to scream for Jamie, but the comforter is like a gag over my mouth. My lungs are on fire and pain is everywhere. I fight to stay conscious, utterly terrified, and unable to save myself.

“Ashley!”

I hear Jamie and want to sob with relief. I can tell he’s close. He’ll save me! I struggle harder.

“Ash. Ash, wake up. It’s a dream.”

The comforter is ripped away, and I thrash wildly, finally free to move. My arm is caught in a vice-like grip and I try to yank it back.

“Ash, you’re safe. You’re fine. It was just a dream.”

I open my eyes and gasp for air. Jamie’s sitting next to me on the bed, hands firmly locked around my forearms, brows drawn in a frown. I stare into the warm amber of his eyes and then quickly glance to the corners of the room, but see no one. Then down at the tangled bedding, and slowly it sinks in that it was a nightmare. Relief floods through me, and a sob tears from my chest. I kick at the bedding, trying to fight my way out of the tangled sheets.

“Ash. Shhhhh. It’s alright.” Jamie untangles my legs and helps me sit up. I lunge forward, make a desperate grab for him, and press myself against his broad chest. His powerful arms wrap around me, holding me so tightly I barely contain my whimper of relief. I’m safe. I’m safe and Jamie has me. “Breathe for me, alright? Just take some deep breaths, Ash.” Jamie rocks me gently and slides a hand into my hair, rubbing my scalp lightly as he makes soothing sounds. I take in big lungfuls of air, but I don’t let go. “That was a bad one, huh?” He keeps his voice low and calm, like he’s soothing a child, and I am so safe in his arms that I don’t mind. I manage a nod and tuck my face into his neck. “Do you still get them a lot?”

The truth is, it’s the first nightmare I’ve had in quite a long time. I clear my throat and take another breath. “When I first moved to San Francisco I did. But after a few weeks they stopped.” Jamie makes a non-committal sound and keeps slowly rocking me back and forth. My muscles slowly unclench and I lean into him, letting him support my weight. I should move, but I’m utterly drained, and he doesn’t seem like he’s in any rush to get me out of his lap, so I don’t even try. After several more minutes pass, I’m much calmer, and slightly guilty for not saying so. I reluctantly sit up and slide back a bit, managing a semblance of a smile. “Thank you. I’m so sorry I woke you.”

His smile is soft and sweet, and he tucks my hair behind my ear. “It’s alright. I kept the bathroom doors open so I could hear if you needed… anything.” As I consider what anything might entail, the once comforting silence is now growing awkward. I really want to climb back into Jamie’s lap and have his strong arms around me, but the nightmare is long over and there isn’t a reason for that to happen now. It occurs to me I’m only wearing a T-shirt and boxer briefs and Jamie’s dressed in flannel sleep pants. Very thin flannel sleep pants. It might be amusing if I hadn’t just been scared out of my wits. He gives my arm a squeeze. “Do you want to try to go back to sleep?”

I consider the question. I’m still exhausted, but I’m not sure I want to risk another nightmare. There have been nights where they’ve come back. Then tired wins out. I nod and lie down. Jamie straightens the bedding, and all but tucks me in like a child, brushing his fingers down my arm and squeezing my hand. I squeeze back. He smiles and tries to let go, but I hold on tightly. Our eyes meet in the dim light and before I can overthink it, I say the one word that I’ve wanted to say since I crawled into his lap. “Stay.”

Jamie freezes, then looks at the chair by the window, then back at me. “Alright. I can pull over the chair. Just let me get my sweatshirt.”

I tighten my grip on his hand. “No.” I look into his eyes, hoping he can see in mine everything I’ve wanted to tell him for far too long. I’m terrified he’ll reject me, say no, but I’m determined to try. “Please. Stay.” I tug gently on his hand and hold my breath.

Jamie barely hesitates before climbing in next to me. He lays his head on the empty pillow, face inches from mine, still holding my hand. I actually let go first, but only so I can scooch closer to tuck myself against him, nestling my face into the crook of his neck.

There’s an awkward moment where he doesn’t move and I think I’ve gone too far, that he’ll balk and get out of bed, but then he relaxes and puts his arm around me, and gives me a gentle hug. “Alright. I’ll stay.” The tension melts out of my body, and as much as I want to stay awake and appreciate this moment, I’m asleep in moments.

5

Ash

I open my eyes and squint as bright sunshine streams through the bedroom windows. For a moment I have no idea where I am and my anxiety tries to rear its ugly head. I push myself up on my arm and blink in an attempt to bring my eyes into focus. Gods, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.

“Good morning.” I glance across the room and find Jamie standing in the hall doorway, looking adorably sleep rumpled in his low-slung tartan flannel lounge pants and a riot of strawberry blond bed-head curls. At some point he added a T-shirt to the ensemble and I find that incredibly disappointing. His voice is still gravelly from sleep, and sexy as hell, but he sounds more awake than I am.

“Good morning.” I grin and flop back onto the mattress, which earns me a chuckle.

“Do you want some breakfast?” Jamie crosses the room and sits near me on the bed. He laces his fingers together, hands dangling between his knees. I am mildly disappointed that he doesn’t reach out to take my hand, or brush my hair from my face like he did last night, but it’s not awkward either, so I’m counting that as a win.

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