Page 36 of Save Me

Yes! Fine! Whatever you want, just don’t leave me! Those are not the words that come out of my mouth. Instead, I sit up taller and glare. “I don’t do well with ultimatums, Jamie.”

Thankfully, he only smiles and nods. “Yes. And this isn’t one. You have a say.”

I nod. “Alright. I’m listening.”

“Ash, we’re not always going to agree on everything, but I would like us to always talk about it, whatever it might be, and try to come to an understanding. Alright? No more going off half-cocked and putting yourself in danger.” I nod again, not trusting my voice. That sounds reasonable. Jamie frowns and cups my face. “Ash, there was no possibility of me liking the idea of you going to see Oliver, so I won’t tell you that I would have approved. But I would have understood, and I would have gone with you. I’m pretty good at protecting people, or so I’m told.”

I swear it’s as if I’ve been hit by a ton of bricks. Or a small car. I blink and try to process exactly what Jamie has said. “You would have come with me?” When Jamie nods, I almost want to laugh. “Really?”

“Of course! I should have known you’d need to be with him. It’s what drove you back to Seattle in the first place. I felt stupid that I hadn’t thought about it ahead of time and come up with a way to accomplish it and keep you safe.”

I am a fool. “I’m sorry. I should have trusted you.”

“Yes, you should have.” He sighs and squeezes my hands. “I guess I should be pleased. If I ever get into trouble, you’ll be there in an instant.” I see the smile tugging at his lips and relax. “Most likely it will be with a reckless, and ill-conceived plan, but you’ll be there.”

I grin and shift closer. “I’d move heaven and earth for you.” Jamie rolls his eyes but leans in and presses his lips to mine in a kiss so soft and sweet I can feel the love flowing from him. I rest my forehead against his and peer up through my lashes. “I thought you’d hate me for leaving like that.”

“Like I could ever hate you. Though I’ll admit I was pretty pissed off when I heard the Rover’s engine. But you forget I was there when Duncan told us the news. I saw how much pain you were in. And I know how you love Oliver. I also knew you’d never intentionally hurt me if you had a choice.” He frowns, suddenly serious and intense. “I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me.”

My chest aches with how desperately I want to press myself against him and assure him I didn’t mean to hurt him, that he didn’t fail me, because that’s what he’s really thinking. I roll my eyes. “No. You can’t do that. You can’t take something I’ve done and put the blame for it on yourself. That will make me feel exceedingly guilty and then I’ll have to admit my wrongdoing and accept the blame rather than wriggle out of it somehow, andthenwhere will we be?”

Jamie looks at me, momentarily stunned, and then bursts into laughter and pulls me into his arms, kissing me soundly. “We can’t possibly have that.”

“No, we can’t.” The sparkle is back in his eyes, and it warms my heart. “I am sorry, Jamie. I should have told you what I was thinking.”

He nods but doesn’t seem to want to belabor the point. “We’ll do better next time.”

I’m deliriously happy. Jamie knows there will be a next time, and he doesn’t mind. “I will definitely try. I make no promises. A lifetime of habit is hard to break.” He shakes his head at me and grins. Thankfully, he sees the humor of my words, but I do want him to know I understand what he’s saying. I cup his jaw with my hand and wait for him to meet my eyes. “I want to do better. For you. I’m sorry I hurt you.” Fuck. Why is this so difficult? I take a breath and force the words out past my fears. “I never want to hurt you, Jamie. I love you.” We’ve said it to each other once before, but somehow this seems more significant, like saying it again in the context of this serious conversation makes it real, and isn’tthatfrightening. “I’ve never been in love before, so I’m going to be shit at it.” I bowl over whatever Jamie is about to say. “I’m sure I’ll fuck things up, and you’ll probably end up hating me in the long run, so I just want to tell you that I love you more than I have words to express, and you know how I love words,andhearing myself talk, so you understand what I mean. And I…” The rest of my words are cut off by Jamie’s smiling lips covering my own. I sigh and sink into his soft kiss and the gentle touch of his hands cupping my face.

“Ash. I don’t expect you to be perfect. We’re both going to mess things up at some point. Probably a lot, especially at first. But in time we’ll figure it out and that will happen less and less.” He kisses me again and I sigh and decide to believe him. It’s easier than arguing, and I like the idea that I won’t mess things up so much they can’t be fixed. It’s probably true with Jamie since he seems to have the patience of a saint. “But I need you to promise me one thing first.”

I sit back and nod. “Alright, if I can.”

His palms are still cradling my face, and his eyes are intent on mine. The weight of whatever it is he’s about to say is tangible, and I can’t keep the worry from my mind. What if I can’t do whatever it is he needs me to? “Ashley.” Without warning Jamie is moving, shoving the coffee table aside and then he’s down on one knee, both of my hands in his. “Look, things aren’t settled with the cartel, and it’s not the most ideal of circumstances for this, but I lost you once by letting you go, and almost lost you again when you got shot at, twice, and I never want to go through either of those things again. You mean the world to me. I love you. So…” Jamie takes a breath as my mind reels with what’s happening. “Ash. Ashley Oliver Pétillant, will you marry me?”

I am stunned. “Why?”

“Um, what?” Jamie looks as stunned as I feel.

“Why? Why would you want to saddle yourself with me? With my problems? Why do that to yourself? You could have anyone you want. Why me?” I’m not sure what I expected Jamie’s response to be. Anger? Confusion? Possibly clarity and the realization that it was a bad idea and he should take it back. Laughter was most definitely not what I’d expected.

“Ash. Because you’re you. No one else has ever made me feel the way you make me feel. Your tears rip my heart to shreds, and I want to fix whatever has made you sad. Your smiles brighten my soul beyond anything I’ve ever known before. I could spend hours talking to you and never get bored. You’re intelligent, gorgeous, and sexy as hell, and you make me happy, Ash. Being with you is better than anything else, and I selfishly want that every day for the rest of my life. So, please. Marry me.”

I fling myself at him, and thankfully he catches me and wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, sweetheart. Absolutely sure. No doubts at all.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and nod. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

“Yeah?”

I nod vigorously. Oh my gods, I’m getting married. “Yes.”

Jamie leans back, a grin plastered on his face. “Yeah?”

I swat at him and laugh. “Yes. I already said yes. I will marry you, you ridiculous man.” I sniff and wipe at the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. “Sooner rather than later, so you can’t change your mind.”

“Ash.” Jamie brushes away my tears and gives me one of his soft smiles that soothes my soul. “I’m never going to change my mind.”

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