Page 10 of Choose Me

Ipullupinfront of Jules’ apartment, flip up my visor, and stare at the building. All I have to do to see him again is walk in there. If I’m brave enough, I could tell him how I really feel. That I care about him as more than a friend and have for years. That I want to kiss him, take him on quiet dates, hold his hand, and see where this goes. Maybe together we could figure out how to convince Stef it’s all right, that we’re good for each other. My stomach clenches thinking about Stef’s reaction. He’d be so hurt and probably feel betrayed. Fuck. That’s all it takes because there’s no way I can do that to him. To either of them.

But how do I stop wanting Jules when not even moving away changed how I feel? He’s so sweet and smart, and everything I want. Yeah, he has anxiety issues, but that’s nothing new. And he’s so much better now at navigating situations than when he was younger. Plus, we know how to handle it when something happens. It’s just another part of him to love.

After last night, I’m pretty sure he’s still interested. He kept watching me, and as soon as our eyes met, he’d look anywhere else. But I’d seen it, and it was adorable. I wanted to hold him in my arms and pour my heart out to him. Tell him my world is so much brighter and happier when I’m with him.

But what if I do, and he’s not really interested? Or what if he is, but he won’t risk hurting Stef? Worse yet, what if he’s interested and wants to be with me, but Stef doesn’t accept us? What if it damages their relationship? Jesus, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I caused a rift between them.

Resigned, I flip down the stand and turn off the bike. As much as I want to, I won’t say anything to Jules. Stef is more of a brother to me at this point than Bjorn and Gunnar. I’m way closer to him than them, and I can’t risk hurting him.

I stride toward the front of the building, my chest aching with the weight of keeping this bottled up. It would be so much easier if Bjorn or Gunnar were the issue. I’d tell either of them to fuck off. Okay, no, I wouldn’t. But I certainly wouldn’t let them stop me. Okay, maybe I would. Shit. I need to be better about standing up for myself. Why is it so much easier to do when it’s for someone else?

I jam my finger against the buzzer and wait for the lock to release. When I hear the click, I yank the front door open, take the steps two at a time, push through the stairwell door and turn down the hall. Jules is standing in his doorway, and just seeing his face makes the ache in my chest ease. He’s dressed in a long-sleeved mint green T-shirt and tan hiking pants. His shoulder-length brown hair is tucked behind his ears, and he has his hands shoved in his pockets. It’s a soft, vulnerable look and definitely makes him seem very huggable. Hugging is safe. Right? It’s non-threatening and not sexual. Friends hug.

He sags with relief when he sees me, like maybe he thought I wouldn’t come. That hurts, but I try not to take it personally. “Erik.”

A sparkle lights his beautiful hazel eyes, and his excited grin tugs on my heart, melting it into a tiny puddle in my chest. “I’m early. Is that okay?”

“It’s perfect. I’ve been awake for a while.” Before I overthink it, I hold open my arms, and without hesitation, he steps into them. I pull him close, holding him tightly. Fuck, he feels so good, like he’s supposed to be here. Even with our height difference, he fits against me perfectly. Before things can get too awkward, I let him go, and he steps back, waving me into the apartment.

“You were up early?” I slide past him as he closes the door.

Jules hunches his shoulders, half hiding his face behind his hair like he’s nervous. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me either.”

His head shoots up, and he stares at me with wide eyes. “Really?”

I want to grab him and hug him again, tell him I couldn’t wait to see him. That sleep wasn’t important when I could be with him instead. But I don’t. So we end up staring quietly into each other’s eyes, drifting closer until there’s barely any space between us. My skin prickles with electricity. It would be easy to lean down and brush my lips against his. Would they be as soft as they look? Would he press against me and kiss me back?

If I stand here much longer, I’ll be tempted to do something stupid, so I step back and hold up the spare helmet like a shield between us. “I brought the bike. It’s not supposed to rain until this evening, so I figured we’d be safe.”

“Really?” His eyes light up like it’s the best surprise ever, and my chest practically bursts with happiness. I made him smile, and that’s everything. As he reaches for the spare helmet, his face scrunches up in confusion. “Wait, you broughtyourbike?”

I shake my head. “No, it’s Bjorn’s. He’s letting me use it. I’ll haul mine back when I move home.”

“He’s okay with me riding on it? Some people are very picky about stuff like that.”

Leave it to Jules to worry about someone else’s idiosyncrasies. He’s such a sweetheart. “He’s fine with it.” Jules eyes me skeptically and I hold up my hand. “I swear. I asked, and he said it was fine. You can call him and check.”

Jules blushes and shakes his head. “That’s all right. I believe you.”

“So, I was thinking we could drive out to Tiger Mountain, hike the trails and watch the paragliders, then grab something to eat on the way back.”

His cheeks pink adorably. “That sounds perfect. Let me grab my pack and I’m ready.” He darts into the other room and comes back out almost instantly with a day pack slung over one shoulder. “All right. Let’s go.”

It takes about forty-five minutes to get from Jules’ apartment to the Tiger Mountain trailhead. Forty-five minutes of his hands at my waist, his knees pressed against my hips, and his chest plastered against my back as we take the ‌turns. He’s a natural on the bike, following my lead, riding like he’s been doing it for years. I’m slightly disappointed when we finally roll into the parking area and he lets me go.

We pull on our backpacks, and I glance at the sky. The weather’s more overcast than I’d like, but it doesn’t quite feel like it’s going to rain. At least not yet. Jules peers around me to the path. “Which trail should we take?”

“I was thinking West Tiger and the TMT loop. It’s challenging, but it’s the right distance to hike out and back and make it home before Stef wonders if I’m blowing him off.”

Jules’ expression shifts from excited to worried faster than I can blink, and he drops his gaze to the gravel under our feet. “You know, we don’t have to do this. You haven’t really seen Stef since you’ve been home. If you’d rather—“

Shit. I’m fucking this up. “Jules.” He keeps his head lowered, not meeting my eyes. “Please look at me.”

“No?”

I bite back a laugh because I don’t want him to think it’s at him. “Is that a question?” That gets me a smile, but he shakes his head. “Are you sure?” He nods, gaze still on the ground. “Because you don’t sound sure.” He bites his lower lip but ends up smiling anyway. “Come on. Let me see those beautiful green eyes.”

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