Page 12 of Choose Me

My brain is very proud of our decision to be mature about it. My mouth has other plans, going completely off-script. “Well, I was kind of thinking I’d go with you by myself.”

There’s silence from behind me, so I turn. Jules has stopped in the middle of the trail with his mouth open, and he’s staring at me. “Really?”

Why is he so surprised? We used to do things together all the time. Well, if you count video games and going to the beach. Though Stef usually came with us so he could work on his tan. “Sure. Unless you don’t want me to. I was just offering. I—”

“I want you to come!” I know how he meant it. I do. But his breathless admission and the intensity of his gaze have heat rocketing through my body and inappropriate thoughts of him naked beneath me in my mind. I’m not sure he knows what he’s said, but fuck, I want to hear him say it again. Preferably with us both a tangled, sweaty mess. I quirk my lips at the corner and arch an eyebrow.

It takes a beat, but then Jules’ face goes beet red and his eyes grow big as saucers. “Shit! I didn’t mean that how it sounded!” His skin is so hot there’s steam coming off of his face. “I meant you can come to the bar. Obviously. Meet the people I work with, and my new boss. You know. When we all go out. After work. To… meet.” As his embarrassment increases, his voice drops away until he’s mumbling the last few words and staring at the rocks and leaves littering the trail.

I backtrack until I’m right in front of him. “Jules.” When he doesn’t look at me, I gently tilt his chin up with my fingertips and keep my expression neutral so he doesn’t think I’m laughing at him. “I would love to be there for you and meet your coworkers. Just let me know where and when.”

There’s so much gratitude and hope in his beautiful eyes. And god, they are a beautiful mixture of green with flecks and swirls of brown. They suck me right in and I could happily lose myself in them forever. “Oh. Okay. Well, I’d like that.”

My intense relief should probably be worrying. Spending time alone with Jules is going to be exquisite torture. He’s tempting enough under normal circumstances, but add in alcohol? Yeah, I’m going to have to limit my intake. But if it makes his life easier, I’m happy to do it and humbled that he’s allowing me to. I stare down at him, wanting to slide my hands along his jaw and bring his lips to mine, whisper against them that I’d do anything for him. But I don’t. “Then I’ll make it happen.” Before he can notice my raging hard-on tenting my rain gear, I drop my hand and turn around. “Okay, let’s keep going.”

When we make it to the summit about an hour later, the fog is still thick. There aren’t any paragliders today, so we stand in companionable silence and stare out at the mist-covered trees and low-hanging clouds listening to the rain patter on the leaves and the soft bird calls. God, this is stunning. Living in the terracotta and tan of Arizona, I forget how much I miss the vivid colors of the Pacific northwest. Not that Arizona isn’t beautiful. The desert has its own spectacular colors, but in comparison it’s shocking how green everything is here, even this late into fall. I take it all in, and a feeling of calm settles in my chest. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, with the person I’m meant to be with.

I swing my pack off my shoulders and squat down to dig inside for the snacks I brought. “Here.” I tap Jules’ shin with a bottle of water.

He looks at me, blinking like I’ve jostled him back to reality. “Thanks.”

I follow it up with a bag of trail mix I threw together this morning. “And this.”

He smiles, taking both from me. “You know, I packed water and snacks too.”

I’m not sure if he’s telling me he can take care of himself or great minds think alike, but I’m going with the latter. “I like sharing. That okay?”

He nods and pours a handful of trail mix into his palm. “Thanks.”

I take a long drink from my water before standing up and inhaling the fresh scent of pine and damp earth. It’s soothing in the way familiar smells can be. I wish I could stay here with Jules, in this place he says makes him feel most at home. Unfortunately, I have some place I need to be in a few hours, and time doesn’t stand still, no matter how much we’d like it to. So we linger for a few more minutes, rehydrating and munching on a bit of dried fruits and nuts before starting back down the mountain.

About a third of the way along the trail, I think of another question I want to ask. This time I clear my throat first so I don’t scare Jules again. “Hey, have you ever thought about getting an Emotional Support Animal?”

“No. Not really.” I can tell by his tone he’s confused by my question. “I’m not even sure I’d qualify anymore. If EMAs had been common when I was younger, I’d probably have one. Instead, I had you, Stef, and Quinn, which was the next best thing.”

I look over my shoulder, my mouth open in mock shock. “Are you calling me an animal?”

He laughs, and it’s really the best sound I’ve ever heard. “No. And watch where you’re going.” He gestures for me to keep my eyes on the trail, so I turn back around and let him talk. “But it was wonderful having the three of you to lean on. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that.”

“Jules.” My heart’s about to explode out of my chest. “You don’t need to thank me.”

“No, I do. You guys always had my back. When I couldn’t get words out and would freeze, you took care of me and whatever I needed. You let me do what I could on my own and never pushed me to do more than I could handle.”

I’ve never heard him talk like this, so matter-of-factly about his struggles, I’m so incredibly proud of how far he’s come, but I’m not sure he’d appreciate me saying so. It might be a sensitive subject. I clear my throat, fighting to get my emotions in check. “Well, I’m glad it helped. And I’ll always be here for you, Jules.” Before things get too sappy and I do something crazy like haul him against me and kiss him, I make a minor conversational detour. “So, Stef says your episodes aren’t as bad now.”

“My major episodes are less frequent, and medication will usually stop them before they get too bad, but I still have social anxiety, and see a therapist.”

I glance at him, wishing we could walk side by side, but it’s better if I keep my eyes on the trail. As Jules already pointed out, bad things can happen if you aren’t paying attention, and this entire trek, my mind’s been everywhere but where I’m placing my feet. We’re lucky we haven’t tripped or worse. “I’m glad things are better for you.”

“Me too. Some days I’m as bad as I used to be, but they’re less frequent. And to get back to your original topic, I’d love to own a dog someday. You know, when I’m not in an apartment and can give it room to play and won’t annoy the neighbors with barking.”

I recognize the topic change for what it is, and go with it. Besides, pets are a topic I’m always happy to discuss. “I considered getting a dog to go camping and hiking with me, but it never seemed like the right time. Maybe now that I’m home, I’ll do it.”

“Really?” The pure joy in his voice makes me stupidly happy. “I’d pet sit for you whenever you needed it.”

I forgot how much he loves dogs. “That’d be great. If you have time, maybe you could help me investigate my options. What kind of dog would you get?”

He doesn’t hesitate. “Breed doesn’t matter. I’m going to a shelter and pick the dog that most needs a home. I won’t care if they’re old or blind or only have two legs.” The grin in his voice is clear, and when I glance over my shoulder, his entire face is lit up with joy. “I’ll probably come home with a dozen.”

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