Page 13 of Choose Me

I laugh out loud, because it’s such a Jules answer. “That’s because you have a soft heart. And I’m definitely planning to get a rescue. Or two. There are so many that need a good home. Honestly, if my brothers wouldn’t tease me unmercifully, I’d have a whole houseful of rescues.”

“So, is your family excited that you’re moving back?”

The change in subject is jarring, and I hesitate because unknowingly he’s asked a loaded question. One that’s sure to suck the joy out of the conversation. He must sense it because he apologies immediately. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that.”

Shit. He probably thinks he’s upset me. “No, it’s fine. They’ve actually been pestering me to move back for years.”

Wide-eyed, he seems speechless. I guess it’s not the answer he was expecting. “You didn’t want to?”

“I did, but it was better for me to stay away.” Jules doesn’t know about the shit that happened after my mom died.

“Why?”

I chew the inside of my cheek, not wanting to ruin our hike by dumping my family baggage at his feet, so I give him the abridged version. “My family-life is complicated. You know we lost my dad when I was seventeen and then my mom when I was twenty-two. What you might not know is Bjorn took on the parent role, though no one asked him to. Guess that’s an oldest sibling thing, or some bullshit. Anyway, Gunnar didn’t react well.” Stef had witnessed a few of the knockdown, drag-out fights my brothers got into, usually over the dumbest things, too. I was always grateful it never happened when Jules was around. “I’m not sure if it’s because he’s the baby of the family or because it just rubbed him the wrong way. Whatever the reason, after mom died, he and Gunnar were like dynamite and a match. The number of times their shouting turned into fist fights only increased as time went on.” Just thinking about it makes my skin tight and my heart hammer in my chest. “Astrid and I would try to deescalate the situations, but we’d get dragged in instead. It was safer to stay out of it and let them run out of steam.” I take several deep breaths and remind myself I don’t have to deal with that anymore.

Jules tugs on my arm, his face full of concern. “They’re better now?”

“Yeah. It took forever for them to get their shit together, and that was long after I’d escaped to Arizona. But they’ve worked out a truce and haven’t gone at each other physically in years. When they do get into it, the snark’s kept to non-lethal levels. The three of them have even started getting together for regular weekly family dinners again.”

“Really? That’s great.”

Jules’ eyes are so full of kindness and hope it makes my heart squeeze. How is he even real? “I’m pretty sure it’s Astrid’s doing. It’s her way of trying to heal over any remaining rifts. Honestly, I thought they’d never figure it out.”

“Well, I’m glad they did. Otherwise, you might have stayed away forever.”

I glance at him, my stomach doing crazy flips. “And that would have been a bad thing?”

“It would have been awful.” His eyes focus on mine, and I wonder if he’s aware just how beautiful he is.

And just like that, I know this is as good a time as any. “Can I ask you something?”

Jules shrugs, switching his gaze back to the trail. “I’ve asked you about a million questions today, most of which were upsetting and insensitive. It’s only fair you should get a turn.”

Before I lose my nerve, I take my chance. “Are you seeing anyone?”

He snorts like I’ve asked the dumbest question imaginable. “Yeah, like that would happen.” He tries to act casual, but I hear the hurt in his voice and see the tightening of his jaw.

Fuck. I’ve upset him. “Wait, Jules.”

He shoulders past me, taking long strides on the rain-slicked trail. “Let’s just get down the mountain.”

I stare after him, dumbstruck. Jules doesn’t get angry easily. Well, not at anyone other than himself. Embarrassed? Flustered? Anxious? All the time. But not angry. “Jules, please!”

He must hear the worry in my voice, because he stops abruptly, then loses his footing on a slick spot, and slides toward the edge of the trail. I lunge forward, wrapping my hand around his bicep and haul him back against my chest. “Fuck! Are you all right?” Jules leans his full weight into me, and I can feel how fast he’s breathing. Or maybe that’s me, because Jesus, that was close. I glance over the slope and see everything he could have hit if he’d gone off the trail. I feel sick imagining him slamming into a tree and sustaining a concussion or breaking something. Before I can fully get a grip on him, Jules pushes off me and takes a step away, slipping again. “Jules!” This time, I wrap an arm across his chest and yank him fully against my body, bracing a boot against a large rock on the trail. “Hey.” I try to keep my voice soothing, though I’m feeling anything but tranquil. And by the looks of it, neither is Jules.

He mumbles out a mostly incoherent word-smash that vaguely resembles “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” There’s an edge to my voice that I hate, but shit, he just scared me to death. I take a breath and try again. “Jules. Talk to me.” He doesn’t answer, keeping his eyes on the trail. I lower my head so my lips are next to his ear, trying to keep my voice calm. “Jules, please.”

He shuts his eyes and lets out a heartbreaking whimper. “I’m fine.”

Keeping him firmly against me, I lean back and settle my weight onto a nearby tree. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?” I do a better job of keeping my voice soft and soothing, but he’s still rigid, every muscle tense like the minute I let him go he’ll bolt. “Please?” He shakes his head and his eyes never leave the trail. I remember this from when we were younger. He would get himself so worked up he couldn’t meet anyone’s eyes or even speak. I rest my chin on his head and give him a squeeze. “All right. Can you text it to me?”

He stills, sucking in a breath like my suggestion surprised him. I wait another few moments, but when he doesn’t say anything I keep talking so he has something to concentrate on other than whatever bonehead thing I’ve said to upset him.

“Well, while you think about that, how about we take a break and breathe for a bit?” I lean down a little more and press my cheek to his, speaking in gentle tones, trying to calm both of us. “Just relax. I have you. You’re safe, and I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” He’s shaking like a leaf, and I squeeze my eyes shut and curse my dumb ass for upsetting him. “I did something, didn’t I?” It’s not really a question, so I don’t wait for an answer. “I’m so sorry. Can you tell me what it was so I don’t do it again?”

This time when he sighs, it’s more resigned and less whimper, but I’d swear he presses closer to me. “I’m not seeing anyone.”

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