Page 18 of Choose Me

“But you were?”

I seesaw my hand, fingers spread. “Yes and no? Jules was always attractive and sweet. But I honestly thought he was interested in Gunnar, so I was doing my best not to be interested in Jules.”

She bursts out laughing, and I can feel the people at the nearest tables turn to watch us. “Oh my god, you didn’t! Erik! He’s been in love with you since you were fourteen! Everyone could see it.” She snorts. “Well, except you, apparently.”

I rub my neck. “Yeah. And Stef definitely wasn’t happy with it. But I never really considered how I felt about Jules until after I found out. Though I knew I wouldn’t do anything about it. Stef was and is too important to me to lose as a friend. Plus, it was a moot point after I moved to Arizona.”

She narrows her eyes and leans in. “But…”

I scowl at her. “When did you get to be so observant?” She laughs and waves for me to continue. “I could ignore it when I didn’t have to see him every day. But if I’m here, I’ll have to deal with my feelings. And Jules is incredibly sweet and funny and we’ve always just clicked. He’s an amazing listener. And he’s smart. We’re interested in the same things.”

“Hey.” She reaches out her hand and takes mine. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

I wince. “I think I’m practicing for Stef. How’m I doing?”

She scrunches up her face and bobs her head back and forth. “Decently. I’d toss in more stuff about how you care about Jules and maybe talk about throwing yourself in front of a moving train for him or something.”

She’s joking, but it’s sound advice and I file it away. Because somewhere deep down, for how much time Jules and I have fought this attraction between us, thereissomething there. Something very special. So, the talk with Stef is inevitable. At least, I think it is. And, god, I don’t want to choose between my very best friend and the man I could really fall for. And isn’t that a thought? I could really fall for Jules. Like, head over heels, stupidly, sappily in love. But it’s Jules. And I’m already more than halfway there.

“So to bring this conversation back to why we’re having this lunch, namely your initial request for my incredible advice, you have a business opportunity and a romantic opportunity, both of which are here in Seattle, and you want to make sure your romantic opportunity isn’t clouding your judgment on the business opportunity.”

I nod vigorously. “Yes. Exactly. What do you think?” I chew my lower lip, almost afraid to hear her answer.

“I think you don’t have enough information to make that decision, but you already know that.” I sigh and slump in my seat. “Let the lawyer and the accountant do their things. If everything checks out and it’s a sound investment, then move your sorry ass home where you belong and see what’s what with Jules.”

I sag with relief, surprised by how afraid I was she’d tell me I was being stupid. “Okay.”

She grabs my hand and squeezes it firmly. “I’ve missed you, Mus.”

Her use of my childhood nickname eases a little of my tension. “I’ve missed you too, Bean. Hell, I’ve even missed Bjorn and Gunnar a time or two.”

“Well, I promise not to tell.” She winks and waves to catch Dominic’s attention. He steps over to the table and Astrid leans on her elbows, keeping her gaze fixed on mine. “We’d like a bottle of Bollinger Special Cuvée.” She winks at me. “We have something to celebrate.”

6

Jules

Iopenthecardoor and shiver at the blast of cold air. “You got this, Jules. You can do it.” I pull my jacket tighter around myself and lock the car before turning to face the bar. “Just go inside, find a quiet corner, and wait for Erik. Simple.” I still can’t believe he agreed to meet me here. The butterflies in my stomach and resulting endorphin high are enough to get my feet moving. Keeping my head lowered, I stride across the parking lot, pull open the front door of The Taproom, and step inside rather than sprinting back to my car and driving home like my hindbrain screams for me to do. Thankfully, it’s only Tuesday night, so while the place is busy, people aren’t packed in like sardines.

I make my way to the bar, keeping to the edges of the room, avoiding people and as much eye contact as possible. I do a quick pat down of my pocket to make sure I have my anxiety meds. Hopefully I won’t need them, but better safe than sorry.

There’s a spot near the end of the long wooden bar that has a decent gap between customers, so I park myself on a stool and pray no one sits near me. God, that would be fucking awful. Some of my worst run-ins have been in bars. When someone tries to talk to me and I don’t look at them or smile back, they can get really nasty. Especially if they’ve had enough alcohol to free their inner jackass. Maybe places like this just attract entitled pricks.

To hopefully avoid anyone getting ideas about talking to me, I pull out my phone and scroll through social media. I’m not really reading any of the posts, but it keeps me distracted enough to put a hold on my anxiety. At least for now. I flick through pictures and memes so fast they almost blur together, all the while chanting my mantra under my breath. I can do this. It’s fine. I’m fine. Perfectly fine.

A cheery greeting ratchets up my panic, then a twirling napkin slides across the bar top, stopping almost directly in front of me. I take a relieved breath when I realize it’s the bartender just doing his job. “Hey there. What can I get for you?”

Keeping my head down, like I’m engrossed in whatever’s on my phone, I catch a glimpse of crossed tattooed forearms and rolled up white button front shirtsleeves. “Soda water and cranberry, please.” Since I might need to take my meds, alcohol is out. When he knocks twice on the bar top and moves away, I breathe a bit easier.

Steeling myself, I glance around the room for anyone I recognize. The sooner I mingle with my coworkers, the sooner I can leave. I’m just waiting for Erik to get here so he can be my buffer. Please, please, let him show.

When I don’t immediately see anyone I know, my anxiety starts chattering at me. What if I have the wrong night? What if they all set me up, and this is some kind of joke? What if Erik doesn’t show up? What ifhegot the days mixed up, and he doesn’t remember it’s tonight? Maybe he got into a wreck! Before I can open the messaging app to send a check-in text, someone steps close to me and I freeze. Fuck. I lock my eyes on my phone screen and my heart thunders in my chest.

“Hey, Jules. You okay?”

I almost drop my phone in relief and turn to see my boss. “Hey Jack. I’m all right. So far.”

He looks at me skeptically, but we both let it pass. “Good. Have you ordered a drink? You know everything here is on a tab, so get what you want. It might help your nerves.”

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