Page 20 of Choose Me

Erik’s face turns serious. “Sir, I will always be here for Jules.”

Jack gives Erik an assessing look and then smiles at me. “Thanks for coming tonight. Don’t worry about staying too late.” He winks and walks back toward a cluster of people. I can see a few of them are coworkers. Maybe the rest are dates or partners.

I lean harder into Erik. “Thanksfor coming. I’m glad you’re here.”

He kisses the side of my head, his lips lingering against my temple. “I’m glad you didn’t have to do this alone.”

“Erik.” I spin around on the stool so I can see his face, and I take his hand. “I’m gladyou’rehere.” It’s reckless to say, because nothing good can come of it, but the words are out and there’s no taking them back, even if I wanted to. Which, god help me, I don’t.

Erik cups my face with his big hand and brushes along my cheek with his thumb. It’s intimate and comforting and everything I need right now. I really like this affectionate Erik. When his eyes drop to my mouth and linger, my heart races and my cheeks heat. It’s like the air between us has become electric and I’m so incredibly aware of him.

His breathing is faster, and he takes a step closer, dragging the pad of his thumb across my lower lip. I gasp, heat surging through me as my body responds to his proximity. I gather all my courage and daringly dart out my tongue, licking the tip of his thumb.

The heat in his eyes is pure lust, and I feel it like a physical caress. Fuck. I did that. I made him look at me like that. Jesus, I’m so hard it’s making me dizzy. I sway toward him, wanting more of whatever this is. But he pulls back like he’s realized what he’s doing. Before he can move his hand, I cover it with mine, holding it in place. Neither one of us says a word. I stare into his eyes, desperately willing him to kiss me. I need him to lean down and press his mouth to mine.

“I’m sorry I was late.” His voice is warm and husky, but the words shatter the spell. Time surges back to normal, and I’m suddenly very aware we’re in a bar surrounded by strangers, some of whom work with me. I let go of his hand, and he lowers it to his side and takes a step back. I don’t like him that far away, but it’s probably for the best.

I take a sip of my drink and lean my elbow on the bar, trying to be casual, even though my heart is hammering out of my chest and my cock will explode if there’s even the slightest breeze. “You weren’t late. We didn’t talk about a specific time to meet.”

“You were panicking, though, weren’t you?” His mouth is smiling, but his eyes are full of concern.

Ah, anxiety reminder. The best boner killer ever. I nod. “Maybe a little, but I have my meds if I need them.” I pat my pocket and feel the small bottle.

An overly cheery ‘bro’ voice cuts through the bar noise. “Julian. Hey. Glad you made it.”

I grab Erik’s hand, squeezing so hard I’m cutting off blood flow to my own fingers. Trying to rein in my emotions, I close my eyes and concentrate on Erik’s warm hand in mine and take comfort in his proximity. “Hi, I’m Erik Osouf.”

There’s an awkward pause, and I can only assume Van is trying to get my attention, but I can’t look. “Hi Erik. I’m Van Jessell. I’m taking over for Jack in a few weeks, and I’ll be working with Julian.”

“That’s great. Jules has mentioned you once or twice.”

“Oh. Good things about me, I hope.” There’s a teasing note to his voice that makes me want to throw up. No. Most definitelynotgood things. Because there hasn’t been anything good to say.

“Well, Van, to be honest, not so much.” I gasp, inhaling my own saliva, triggering a fit of coughing. My eyes fly open and both of them are staring at me, Erik with concern and Van with something like shock. “Are you okay? Here, have a sip.” Erik picks up my cranberry and soda and hands it to me. I take a huge gulp and immediately realize my mistake, as I’m now choking on the bubbles. My wheezing and coughing must shake up the soda water, because the next time I take a gasping breath, I let out a huge belch.

We all freeze and stare at each other just before the whooshing of blood fills my ears and all the air escapes from my lungs. Erik grabs my shoulder, steadying me as the panic rises. His face softens, and he puts his big hands on either side of my face, gazing into my eyes. “Jules, look at me.” He leans in until our foreheads are touching. I grab both his wrists and hold on, not breaking eye contact. He’ll get me through this if I don’t look away.

“Elskling, breathe with me.“ I nod furiously. “Inhale.” He takes a deep, slow breath, his gaze never leaving mine. I try to copy him without triggering another coughing fit. “And exhale.” He slowly breathes out, the faint smell of hops tickling my nose. He’s so calm, like my own personal eye of the hurricane, and I focus on him, on his steady pulse under my fingers and the sound of his deep, soothing voice until my breathing steadies and I stop shaking. “You all right?”

I nod against his forehead, and he smiles like he’s so proud of me, though all I can feel is humiliation and shame. Thank god he’s here. I jump as Van shatters the intimate moment with a clap of his hands. “Okay, then. I came over to tell you we’re all gathering in a group now to do a bonding exercise. Everybody will say something about themselves. Sort of an introduction for me. You know, maybe something everybody didn’t know, kind of an icebreaker thing.”

Panic fills every space in my mind. I shake my head as I keep my eyes on Erik and take deep breaths. How can Van be such an idiot? Was he not just witnessing me have a meltdown? I can’t even look the man in the eye. How am I going to talk in front of a group? What would I even say?

Erik keeps his voice low so only I can hear. “Do you want me to handle this? Or do you want to?”

I’m lightheaded with relief. “You. Please.”

He gives an extra press of his forehead to mine, then stands up and turns to Van. “I’m sure you mean well, and I get that it’s not uncommon to do that kind of activity for team building. But I also know that you’re aware that Jules has a medically diagnosed anxiety condition. We came here tonight to support Jack and to show Jules is a team player, but group situations are really difficult for him. One-on-one with strangers is almost impossible. You’ve thrown both things at him tonight. Forcing him to take part in your group activity will only trigger an episode, and I’m sure you’ll understand when I tell you that we can’t let that happen, Van.”

It’s been years since I’ve seen Erik in full protective mode. He’s the sweetest guy and hates confrontation, but when the people he cares about are in trouble, he fixes it, even if he can’t do the same for himself. He smiles disarmingly at Van. “Do you understand what I mean?”

“I’m sorry. Yes. I do.” I risk a peripheral glance at Van, who’s fidgeting uncomfortably. “How about if he comes over and is part of the group but doesn’t say anything?”

The scowl that Erik levels at him has Van backing up a step. “I’m not sure if you’re being willfully obtuse or if you’re incapable of understanding.” Van’s head snaps back like he’s been slapped. I should be horrified because this is my boss and he’ll be doing my reviews in the future, but honestly, I can’t work up the shits to give right now. “There’s no other explanation at this point, so we probably need to involve HR, unless you figure out that you can’t put Jules in these situations.”

Van stammers out a flustered response. “Well, I can’t make exceptions for one person. Everyone else will be upset.”

Erik cuts him off. “Van. Listen. HR has already met with Jules and Jack to come up with accommodations that allow him to thrive at work. I suggest you talk to Jack and HR so you can continue those arrangements. Because if you don’t, and Jules has repeated episodes due to your inability to grasp the situation, there will be a call to HR, and that call will come from my lawyer.”

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